In Need

Hi my name is Dragon's Rose and I am a spanko.

Yep.  There you have it.  Dragon loves to spank me and I love to be spanked!

I am stressed to the limit!  Sewing for the upcoming wedding, getting ready for a possible move, praying for a JOB for Dragon!  Too many unknowns.  Too much can go wrong.

Some nights I sleep like a baby.  Curled up in Dragon's strong arms, the world of worries can not touch me.  Tonight is not one of those nights.  When I close my eyes I see yards and yards of silk that needs to be cut and sewn.  Wool and linen that i haven't figured out what to do with.  I pack up the house in my head, deciding what to take and what to leave.  I lock the front door for the very last time.  And my eyes pop open, my chest hurts and I just want to cry.

My eyes feel dry and irritated with lack of sleep.  I need a good flogging.  I need to feel the sting of the paddles.  I need to feel his strength against the delicate skin of my back and behind.  Sub space is a place I long to be.  The feeling that the worry of the world is falling away and I am floating away on an gentile ocean breeze.  It is almost within read.

Almost....

Privacy....

How I wish we had a little right about now.  I know I could sleep after a good session with the whips and paddles.  With our roles reestablished, my sleepy eyes would close.  Peaceful sleep would come.

Wish in one hand, spit in the other.

My wise old grandmother said those words to me years ago.  They still hold true today.



Update....

Did Dragon read this over my shoulder last night?  I think he must have.  He told me this morning that I would be getting spanked tonight before we go to bed.  He said that we are both feeling better and it is time to get back into the whole things.  Discipline, stress relief and love making.  I have been telling him no lately.

If You talk the Talk

Make an effort to walk the walk every day of the week!

Yipee!  give me a minute I'll get to the point!  My baby brother (BB)  is getting married!  She (SiL) is sweet  and makes him happy.  What more could I ask?  He picked a girl so much like his big sister it is scary.  She loves animals, hates people, is afraid of most me and her family thinks she is a bad joke.  Yep.  That's me.

For the first time since he got engaged to his first wife BB is talking to me.  We were very close when we were kids but his first wife didn't like me.  Now I know why he was so distant all those years.  HER!  He has been so unhappy for the last 10 years.  It was heart breaking for big sis to watch.  My laughing, clown of a brother turned into a quiet, withdrawn man.  I never understood the change until now.  I also found out why he refuses to go to church even though I know he is a christian.

Dislike is an understatement when it comes to the ex. The two of us never got along.  The dislike was mutual.  The witch went to church every Sunday, sang in the choir and went to ladies Bible study.  After 7 years of marriage she cheated on BB with a married man she went to church with. She divorced BB to marry this other guy.  I hope that they have an open marriage.  Monogamy is improbable!

*one of BB's issues with "church people"

It just so happens that his boss goes to church BB grew up in.  Boss is a nice well to do Sunday Christian.  He preaches a good sermon and says all the right things in Sunday school.  Come Monday morning Boss is an entirely different person.  BB wouldn't tell me much about it.  He is confiding in me like he did before the ex but he is still a very private person.

*issue #2 Sunday Christians

Please, if you talk a big game at church, make sure you live up to your words.  Jesus teaches us to be humble.  To take up our cross and follow him.  Not just on Sunday but every day of the week.  Don't talk about how big your mansion is going to be in heaven or pretend you are any better than the next person.  We are all sinners.  Humble yourself before God and His church.  Have the untainted faith of a child.

Oh be careful little eyes what you see
Oh be careful little ears what you hear
Oh be careful little mouth what you say
For the father up above is looking down in love

You never know who is watching.
The Bible tells us not to cause someone else to sin.  How does arrogance in the church affect those who are "unworthy"?  How does the clickish attitude of a church affect the young lady trying to learn about the love of Christ?  Is it ok to be unkind to someone who strikes you wrong?

No one is worthy of the love of God.  We are all sinners.  Please be humble in all that you do.  No one is perfect.  I know this.  Go out of your way to show kindness.  Have a gentile heart.

Please pray for BB and SiL.  I pray that every thing works out for them and that they both realize "Church" is not a bad place.  I pray that he can forgive his ex and have a successful relationship with SiL.  SiL has more issues that I do.  I pray for BB to have the patience to help her.  To realize her full potential.  I pray for her to learn how to trust BB and see that he isn't like all the men who have hurt her.

Please, Don't be a Sunday Christian.  Be a Christian every second of every day of the week!  Don't be a stumbling block!  You never know who is watching!

And if you talk the BIG talk on Sunday morning, make sure you walk the walk the other 6 days of the week!

steps back from the pulpit and takes her seat in the shadows at the back of the church.  The mice love her quiet company. 

Why Worry?

Oops

I forgot to make the bed today.  Nothing got done in the sewing room.....  Oh NO!

As Dragon walked in the door my heart jumped to my throat.

Not one but two rules broken....

He found me sitting on the bed, studying, where i had been most of the day.  You see, Dragon set a deadline for this test.  He said that I will take this test on this day ready or not.  EEEKKKK.  I hate taking a test I'm not ready for and failing is just not something I do.

My morning was spent doing school work with the kids.  Reading, math, history and science.  Fun stuff.  The charger was lost to one of the lap tops.  It is vital for school work.  She was busy cleaning the house looking for her lost cord.  After lunch, I got out a note book and started studying my own material.  My son went over one chapter but the material was way over his head.  He loves science but has to move much slower with the material than I am.

I sat down to figure out all the formulas.  It looked hard and confusing until I realized it was really only two formulas applied with a different unknown.  I passed the pretest for that section and moved on to the next.  Just as I wrote the last word in my notebook before the next pre test, Dragon walked in the door.  OH NO!  Where did the time go?  I couldn't believe how long I had spent.

Ok, honestly now.  Part of that time was spent chatting with my brother.  We have reconnected.  Finally.  His ex wife didn't like me at all.  Hated the very ground I walked on.  I think she hated me so much because we were so close.  We were more than just brother and sister.  We were friends.  There for each other.  Always.  Now he has a new girl.  A tentative wedding date and he is so happy.  AND talking to me again.  My happy go lucky, clown of a brother is back!

When Dragon walked in the door, I didn't look at what i had done.  I looked at what was left undone.  The bed.  The sewing.  I have huge to do list in my sewing room.  An outfit for me, a corset and wedding dress for the bride to be.  The entire wedding party....  EEEKKK  I haven't met these people.  I'll be going by the measurements they send me.  Hate sewing like that. Oh well.  It makes my little brother happy.  It makes me happy.

Dragon looked at what had been done.  My score on the overall pre test came up from the low 80s to the mid 90s.  And I was talking to my brother.  Both good things.  Dragon never even noticed the things I hadn't gotten done.  He noticed my progress with studying and the chat box on my computer.  He noticed happy kids, not worried scared kids. (they get worried when they piddle around and don't get school work done)

TTWD is harder for us in winter.  The garage is too cold to use.  His chair is covered with a dust cloth waiting for warmer weather.  Dragon is Head of our House.  He is in charge, to be obeyed and respected.  That is enough for now.  He decided when I get spanked and when I don't.  He is fair and just.  What more can I ask?  Even though I desperately need a good "fun" spanking, it will have to wait until we have some privacy.  Studying that boring material was my act of submission for the day.

A Pet Peeve

Sorry, no DD news.  With a house full of sick people, DD is at a stand still.  Dragon pretty much won't spank me if my breathing is off in any way.  He doesn't want to make it any harder for me to breath and end up in the ER.

But... A FB post got me thinking.....

I understand that not everyone wants kids.  Some people just don't like kids at all.  Others can't have children for some reason or another.  I am an open minded person.  A live and let live person.  Absolutely!  However, when you call your pets fur kids, don't expect me to believe you.  A dog is not a child.  A cat is not a child.  I am sure you  love your animals as much as I love mine.  But if you want me to believe you are happy without children, don't call them fur kids or fur babies!   That makes me think they are simply fill ins for the real thing.  Sad really.

 Another thing, if you don't have kids, don't tell me how to raise mine.  I don't care how many child psychology classes you have had.  I don't care how many friends with kids you have.  Or what a bad job you think I am doing.  If you want to give me advice about kids, have one.  Be a parent for a few years and then you can give me advice.

Stepping down from my soap box for the day.  I don't feel good and I am having a peevish kind of day.

Notes for those who do have kids!
*don't take advice from those you see as poor parents!
*don't take parenting advice from those who have no children!

This Thing Called Life

Ever feel like you are drowning?  Like you just can't get your head above the water?  That is how I feel right now.  Dragon's job ends months before we expected it to.  He will still get his pay check for a few months after that.  For that I am grateful.  The news today just made it real all over again.  It took my breath away.

I was treading water.

Surviving.

Then some sorry SOB came along and pushed my head under again.

Breath.

I am not in this alone.

God has a plan for us.  He hasn't shared the news with me yet but I know he has it all figured out.

I am prepared for yet another sleepless night.  I'll close my eyes and pray the night away.  If I can't sleep, I can't think of a better way to spend the time.

On a better note.  My new outfit is coming right along.  Everybody at my house is sick.  Yep, me too.  I haven't felt like sewing until today.  I finished the sides of the long shirt and tried it on.  LOVE it.  Now to finish the neck edge, do the buttons and hem the bottom and the sleeves.

update on the New Rules

Ok, I'll admit it.  One of the new rules is to make the bed every morning.  I have Never made my bed up.  Not ever.  As a child it was my one rebellion.  If you ask my family, they will tell you that I was a hellion.  I didn't drink, do drugs, party or any of those things kids do to get in major trouble.  I was on the honor roll, did my chores and paid my own car payment.  I simply refused to make my bed.  That habit has continued into adult hood.

Here I am, 39 years old and just now making my bed every morning.  Sad, I know but it was never a priority for me.  I have to admit that it is nice to get into a nice made up bed every night.  So I like this new rule.  Even when I am sick, the bed has to be made.  I keep a quilt at the foot of the bed for naps.

The other rule was wearing what I make.  Still working on that one.  My headaches have been bad lately and my entire body hurts.  It is slow going.  I have a new ironing board and iron.  The temperature setting on the old iron broke and it scorched the fabric.  Then Dragon noticed the sheet had over the ironing board.  When he found out why, he bought me a new one.  Love my man.

I have to work in my sewing room every day.  He lets me work at my own pace as long as I get in there and get something done.  I like this.  No pressure, just get it done.

This year is starting off on a good note.

ps.  Even my problem child is doing better.  She is  playing the piano again, practicing her trumpet and strumming her guitars.  She is even working on a new song.  I am the only one that gets hear her new music.  Love it.  My baby girl is back on track! ! !  Her grades aren't perfect but it looks like she is going to graduate high school.  

Anniversary

Wow!  That time again?

We have two anniversaries.  One for the court house wedding in September and the public wedding in January.

Why both? You see, I was a paramedic working 70 hour work weeks.  I realized something.  Someone else saw my daughters first steps, her first word was not momma and I wasn't there when she got sick.  I was two hours away taking someone elses sick child to Children's hospital.  I was taking a young woman to her chemo treatments and an older lady for dialysis.  My job was fulfilling but I was missing out on the most important job of all.  Being a mom.

We had planned the wedding already.  Just the beginning stages but it was coming together.  It was a long way from happening.  But I was missing out on so much with my baby girl.

Where did this come from?  A career minded, work-a-holic wants to be a stay at home mom?  Me?

Yep.

I wouldn't let him support us before we were married.  Our solution was to elope and that is just what we did.   I was afraid.  To trust my heart to a man and trust him to support us.  To not abuse us.  That was a stretch.

Now here we are, 17 years latter.  Still in love.

I don't want any gifts or even a special dinner.  I have what I want right beside me.  My husband. We will spend Saturday doing what we always do.  We will have a fun family day, together.  A perfect way to spend any day of the year! 

I Cheated

Yep, we both thought it would be ok.  I got away with it one week, then two and even three.  Now two months latter I am paying the price.

What did I cheat on?  My diet.  The doctor will tell you it is all in my head.  That there is no way night shades could possibly make me hurt like this.  But there it is.  I ate potatoes with my family.  French fries, baked potatoes, potato salad.  And I am paying a huge price.

My hips feel like they are filled with glass.  My shoulders, arms and neck ache.  I can't bed to pick anything up off the floor.  Nothing helps.

I have gone to the doctor over and over again.  I know something is wrong.  It isn't normal to hurt like this.  I have too much to do to lay in bed all day and whine.  Finally I am pulling out of this funk I have been in for so long and now it hurts do even think.  Yuck.  The last doctor I saw called me a hysteric.  He spent an hour explaining how the uterus makes women susceptible to what he calls hysteria.  That I am high strung and seeking attention.

Oh yes.  Attention.  How?  All I do is scream at my family to leave me alone.  Every time my son hugs me, I can't but let out a quiet squeak.  His small arms hurt.  At 10 he is strong but shouldn't be strong enough to hurt me like that.  I straiten my back and walk with determination.  Only my family knows what it costs me to act like I'm not hurting.

The only thing that helps is eliminating some foods from my diet.  I wish someone would listen.  I wish someone would help.  I've given up on doctors.

So... What now?  Back on the strict diet and live with a timer in my hand.  Move for 15 minutes, rest for 15 until I am feeling better.  I hope it helps.  I don't know what else to do.

Dragons Resolution

Ok, he didn't really make a resolution but it sure does feel like it.....

He threatened to spank me no less than four times yesterday.  EEEEkkkkk  What happened to my mellow, easy going husband?  I'm not sure where he is going with this.  Guess we will both have to wait and see.

About dressing better?  He is serious.  About me sewing my own wardrobe?  He is serious about that one too.  The silk has been purchased.  Most of it is washable.  Only one piece won't be.  The long undershirt has been cut out and construction will start as soon as I get my lazy butt out of bed.

Wish me luck!  I am just a little worried about how this will come out!