He Knows Me

He knows so very many things. He knows that I would much rather get a pleasure spanking. He knows that I was asking for accountability and not punishment. He knows that in my mind, accountability and love are connected. He knows when to take the hard line and when to give me a little slack. He knows me and loves me anyway.

Priceless!

Day by day I can see all the small ways our lives are changing. He is stepping up as the leader and I am falling into step beside him. He is doing things his way. I wanted things to progress my way but that would make me the leader not him. At first I hated it. I wanted it my way. It took some time to realize that his way is better. It is easy to accept his leadership. Yes, I do have my moments of defiance but just one look from him reminds me that I need to take his hand.

He leads with force of personality, respect and quiet words. My own pride is a stumbling block. We don’t always agree on things. I want to be right and I will be right. Humph.

“That’s enough of that now.”

That is all it takes, most of the time, to put us back on the right track. I say us but really, that means me. Those words strip my pride and tell me it is time to back down. I can disagree with him. That is allowed but his decision will stand.

One day I will cross that line. Step right over the line from acceptable to down right defiance. Ok. Honesty time. I have stepped over the line a few times. We are both learning where that line is. He granted a moment of mercy and called it a learning experience for both of us. Dragon made it clear that if I dare cross that line again that there will be consequences. It won’t be fun or light hearted like a stress relief spanking. He doesn’t want to spank me that way and if I force his had by out right defiance, I am sure it will me a memorable experience.

If? Ok. I should have said when. I have crossed the line several times. Just because I know where it is doesn’t mean I won’t cross it again. My temper will get out of hand, I’ll forget my seatbelt again, argue in front of the kids. He will have me across his lap with a stinging backside before I know what happened.
He knows I want to be led. He knows I hate the idea of punishment. He knows me. He has a powerful tool in his hands, placed there by his loving wife. It is a tool of last resort. I am grateful he sees it that way. My every loving husband takes comfort knowing that he has a way to motivate me and change a behavior he doesn’t like. Spanking isn’t a cure all for everything wrong in our lives but just knowing that it is an option helps both of us.

I almost hoped that his shoulder surgery next week would put things on hold. He let me know in no uncertain words that it would not happen that way. He will have two weeks at home to recover. Some how I am sure he will have his eye on me the entire time. No breaks. Just moving forward one day at a time.

Ps. He showed me his staying power last night. I have four new patterns coming in the mail. I want to put two projects on my cutting table aside to work on the new patterns. Nope. he won’t hear of it. I have to finish the two baby dresses before I can start on the skate dresses. Pout. I guess I better get to work if I want to play with my new patterns. He means business.