Disaster and Comfort

(Warning:  I use the S word in this post.  If that offends, you might want to stop here.  I found comfort in Dragons arms)


So many disasters this close together.  The bombs at the Boston Marathon, some kind of explosion in Oklahoma City and then the fertilizer plant in West, Texas.  I have been on the edge of tears since the bombing.  They finally fell when I found out the first responders, fire fighters and a deputy died in the explosion in Texas.  I kept thinking about Dragon and couldn't help but be thankful that we live too far away for him to respond.  My imagination is my enemy.

It was after midnight.  For a change, Dragon didn't try anything when we went to bed at 10.  He checked the news one more time, email and face book.  Then he rolled over and went to sleep.  I didn't have to ask why.  He was triggered and wanted to be left alone to deal with it for a while.  I needed his arms around me but I knew that would come in time.

I couldn't sleep.  Every time I closed my eyes I saw flames and images so graphic I won't describe here.  When the going gets tuff I turn to fiction.  I was re-reading a story out of a book called "Deep in the Heart of Texas"  Yes it is spanking fiction and has stories by three different authors.  The stories are all related which makes it a bit longer than your average spanking romance.  That is why I like it so much and keep going back to it.  The stories are disappointingly short and short on detail but that seems to be a rule for spanking fiction.

About the time Dragon rolled over to hold me, I had gotten to a hot seduction scene.  The more I read, the more I craved Dragons touch.  I mumbled, "take me."  He was more awake than I though.  In no time at all my panties were pushed down and he was caressing my backside.

Spanking fantasies on his part?  Probably...

Next thing I know he has me on my knees and is ready to take me.

Last night he took me hard and fast.  Perfect for the mood I was in.  Guess it was perfect for him too.  Sex puts me in a very submissive state of mind, especially that position.  I feel absolutely taken and dominated.  He was in top space and I could feel it with every inch of my body.  Seemingly with no regard for me needs but just what I needed at the same time.  Brutal and fast.

I fell asleep in his arms.

Perfect

Ps.  I googled fibromyalgia.  My symptoms don't fit the old standard but there was a form to fill out for the new standard.  I filled it out.  I scored on the high side.  Not good. But it doesn't explain the pain in my feet.

I think I over did it yesterday.  I guess it is good that the weather is going to be bad all day.  No gardening today.

Dragon knows

I thought it was a big, dark secret.  It was a shadow I didn't want to talk about.  I didn't want to acknowledge but he knew.

I told him about the confusion.  Forgetting things and getting confused during the day.
(good news?  I see it.  It is really bad when the confusion hits and don't realize what is happening)

I told him about the pain that fills my day.   Feet, hips, hands, elbows, shoulders and the headaches.
(good news?  my knees and back don't hurt, I am not falling yet and I am still mobile)

I told him about the fatigue that sends me back to bed to rest after the smallest task.

What did he say?

"I know.  It isn't as bad as you think.  It has been worse than this before and it is getting better.  You are more tired because you are fighting it.  You are moving more and trying to do more things.  You are frustrated because you run out of energy before you finish what you wanted to get done.  It is okay.  I am watching.  I see more than you know."

Yes he does.  Just when I am feeling guilty for the time I spend resting, he posted this on face book.




We don't know what is wrong.  Doctors won't listen but we both know this isn't normal.  The problem is that I am not very good at telling a doctor what is wrong.  My memory slips.  How do you tell a doctor about memory loss?  That is hard to do when you don't know what is gone.  How do I tell a doctor that something is wrong when to me, it is normal?  That is what keeps us from getting a Dx.  Time will tell.  Dragon wants me to go to a big hospital several hours away and see doctors there.  He thinks they will figure this thing out.  This time I will let him decide when it is time to go.  He is in charge.  He knows more than I think he does.

One day at a time.  I will keep moving, keep pushing and hopefully this too will pass.  I am thinking about trying to wrap my feet during the day to see if it will help.  For my hands, I just have to be careful and not use them too much.  No opening bottles or picking up heavy things.  I know the rules.

Dragon's rule?  "Don't try to do too much and Missy?  Don't feel guilty about resting when you need to.  I can't fix this but I can make sure you get the rest you need."

Love my man!

A Dragon of a Different Color

I read other blogs and I am surprised at the things other women get spanked for.  Dragon has a short list and sometimes, things on that list take me by surprise.  He spanks for things he thinks are important enough to bring tears to his kitten's eyes.  And that list is short.

Picking a fight.  Whether it is with him or someone else, if I don't back off when he gives me the look....  I will feel the burn on my backside.

Seat belt use.  My memory is poor.  My mind drops things that aren't important to me.  Well....  this one is important to Dragon.

Cussing.  I can get away with a few words here and there but I better be careful.  I never know where Dragon is going to draw the line on this one.

Can I say I am relieved?  Punishments come few and far between. I don't live in fear of the paddle.

Now on the other hand, good girl spanking of the fun kind.  Those come when ever we get a private moment for a little fun time.  The paddles are sitting beside the floggers and the rope.  Fun times to be had for sure.  Did I mention Dragons knife collection?  YIKES and melt my heart all in one breath.

Dang, I want to play now and Dragon is tired.  Maybe I'll take this opportunity to top for a change.  Hmmm.  Can a big, mean Dragon bottom for a kitten?  Guess I will find out tonight.    

Family time

We had a great family outing.  We went to a state park about a 2 hour drive away and spent the day.  We hiked, jumped rocks to cross the river and had a picnic.  While everyone else played on the rocks, I sat on the bank watching.  My balance was way off.  I had to use my cane.  Made me sad but I still had fun.

Dragon had to help me ALOT crossing the river on the rocks.  We both almost fell in several times but we made it.  The kids said I looked like a wet kitten.  Dang kids.  They video taped my crossing.  I looked twice my age.  And at 41 that IS NOT a good thing.

I got up this morning to fix Dragon breakfast and pack his lunch as usual.  He took one look at me and put me back in bed before he left.  He told me not to feel guilty and to stay put for the day if I needed to.

Looks like it isn't going to be much of a choice.  I feel rotten.  It is that awful bone pain I get in my skull.  NOTHING helps it.  Just time and rest.

How did he know?

There is so much to be done.  The grass needs to be cut.  I need to work in my sewing room so I get the dresses on Etsy.  Laundry needs to be folded.  The list is never ending.  Blag.

Oh well.  There is always tomorrow.

My vision is going wonky now so it is time for me to put the computer down and go back to sleep.  Hate days like this but that is what happens when I have done too much.  4 hours in the car and hiking with the fam was just too much.

Inventory

I turned my sewing into a business several years ago.  Life has been so busy lately that I haven't gotten around to filing the dreaded income taxes.  Yikes.  The deadline is almost here.  Monday I got the documents sent and today I finally finished the inventory for the business.

Scary stuff...   YIKES

Do you know how much damage a nesting mouse can do?  Over $200 in merchandise gone.  Grrrr.   Specialty polo shirts that I sell to fire departments.  100% cotton in a certain style and color.  Hard to find and expensive.  GONE   GRRRRR  Some of the shirts and hats are salvageable but I can't sell damaged goods.  I won't do it.  Guess I'll wash everything and take it to the salvation army.  That makes me mad.

Now I know where the mice are coming in and I have solved that problem.  That is what happens when you move as often as I do.  You discover NICE little surprises living the houses.  Like the snake under the bath tub and the nest of mice it was snacking on.

Squick.....and the house looked so nice and well maintained.  It was newly renovated   Fooled me.

I just hope our moving adventures will be over and done with soon.  I want a forever house.

Now who thinks I deserve a good girl spanking?

After three days of counting, computers and allergies I need a reward.

Dragon did mention a bubble bath.  He spoils me and I love every minute of it.

I think spring went on vacation this week so a warm bath sounds like heaven.

Mercy?

I deserved it.

In full mommy-melt-down-mode I was yelling at everybody.  Nobody could do anything right in my eyes.  Fault finding was my mission.

I can't remember what was really wrong.  Sometimes I don't even know.  Dragon will recognize it sometimes or one of the older kids will point out what is wrong but I can't see it.  I was on a full out rampage.  I declared it to be family night and my family was NOT having fun.

Dragon sat down to just relax.  He worked all day and didn't have a good day at all.  He wanted to sit back and enjoy the quiet presence of his family.  In his way he took care of the problem.

He looked over at me with that look in his eyes.  I can't describe it.  It is that look that tells to straiten up right now.

Would he have spanked me if I kept it up?  Probably and it wouldn't have been fun.

Boy was that a close one.

Mornings

I feel his hand on my bottom, gently waking me with his touch.

"My love, it is time to get up.  Take care of your girl stuffs"

I uncover one foot and shiver.  He pulls me into a warm hug that makes me want to stay right where I am.

He gives my bottom one more pat and I know it is time to move.

Every morning

I don't have to wake up alone anymore.  I don't have to wait for days or weeks to hear his voice.  He is there every day.

Yes, I do know what a privileged it is to have him beside me.  Our mornings are so very important to both of us.  I think they are even more important because it is something new.  Something we started when he retired from the military.

Part of life after.  

We are still adjusting.  Still learning.  But that is life.  Change is part of it and we have to change with the times.