Monday, June 4, 2018

Fear

After all this time I am still afraid. 

I don't understand. 

I love where our play sends my head. 

I love sub space

But

Getting there is the problem. 

I asked for the belt.  I know I need the tears that only come from the belt but when he takes his belt off I cringe in fear. 

Of my Dragon?

Good grief.  I know he would never hurt me.  My tears don't come from pain.  They come from trust and total relaxation. 

I am not afraid of the belt or the paddle or the whips or the ropes.

I'm afraid of letting go.  My armor falling away.  I am afraid of letting tears fall. Of letting my heart bleed
 

9 comments:

  1. Interesting post! Oh, yes, the fear of letting go.... of exposing your vulnerability is what I hear you saying, I think? But then once you work your way through the anticipation (can be nerve wracking) and then things get started as you expose your body and your soul.... it's worth it, yes? Or am I wrong? Thanks for sharing your story through your writing. It takes guts to post sometimes. Good job. Windy

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  2. It is absolutely worth it when I let my head get out of the way. It is hard to strip away my clothing, to take off the armor that protects my most vulnerable feelings and thoughts. It is hard but the results are worth it.

    We are taking baby steps again. Swats over clothing for now. Easy does it.

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    1. Wherever you are on your journey is yours and your husband's and it is beautiful.

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  3. Like you said, it's your Dragon. Trust.

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    Replies
    1. Absolutely. He never pushes too hard.

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  4. It is so hard to let those wall crumble down. Good for you for asking.
    --Baker

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    1. Baby steps back into play time first. He rebuild my confidence before anything gets serious. Dragon knows how hard to push.

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  5. This is certainly true for me also....I trust M...more than I ever thought possible....Do I still sometimes hesitate or wonder if I can accept what He has in mind...even knowing He knows me inside and out, and would never harm me...yes I do. But the fact that we do not let it stop us....is the important point. hugs abby

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