Saturday, March 16, 2013

When a Soldier Comes Home

I found this on facebook yesterday and thought it worthy to share with my blogger buddies.  Soldiers are trained to go off to war and fight for our freedoms.  Who trains them to come home?  This gives you a small snap shot of time in the life of a military family.  His side this time.  

When a soldier comes home, he finds it hard.... listen to his son whine about being bored. keep a straight face when people complain about potholes.
to be tolerant of people who complain about the hassle of getting ready for work. be understanding when a co-worker complains about a bad night's sleep. be silent when people pray to God for a new car. control his panic when his wife tells him he needs to drive slower. be compassionate when a businessman expresses a fear of flying. keep from laughing when anxious parents say they're afraid to
send their kids off to summer camp. keep from ridiculing someone who complains about hot weather. control his frustration when a colleague gripes about his coffee being cold. remain calm when his daughter complains about having to walk the dog. be civil to people who complain about their jobs. just walk away when someone says they only get two weeks of vacation a year. be forgiving when someone says how hard it is to have a new baby in the house.
The only thing harder than being a Soldier...
Is loving one.
Battle On!! Battle BARE my sweet friends!!

It was on a page called Battle Bare.  It helps young military wives deal with the effects of PTSD.  There are several pages out there now.  I wish any one of them had been around when we were in the middle of our own battle with it.  Back when I was in tears and almost ready to give up.  It is hard to get our men to admit there is a problem.  It is hard to understand their anger and frustration.  

Many times the wife is all that stands between them and the world.  We put ourselves in the line of fire for their anger so that they can function in the world.  We take the brunt of it to save their career and to protect our families.  What the wife often doesn't see is where all that anger is coming from.  

Sometimes it is good to see "The rest of the Story" as Paul Harvey would say.  

I know Dragon felt left out when he would come home.  We had learned how to function without him.  We didn't need him.  That is how he saw it anyway.  Thing he had done before, we were doing ourselves.  No one asked for his help.  We cooked, cleaned and fixed things.  The kids came to me for help, not to him.  He was left out of our lives.  

Routine was as important to him as it was to us.  But coming home, he expected the routine to be the same but it never was.  

Today, little things matter.  The same breakfast every day.  The same lunch packed the same way every day.  So much has changed in our lives.  Those routines are a priority for him.  I have to make them a priority in my life too, even when it isn't convenient.  Life with a vet isn't like life with anyone else.  I am still the one who stands between him and the world.  For him, I am a safe haven.  It is ok to show his weakness to me.  It is ok to be angry.  It is ok to not be perfect.  

It is good to be needed but sometimes, I wish this wasn't needed at all.  

In hind sight, I understand.  


  1. Happy you have your family together - that's what counts, you've gotten through the worst of it and it can only be clear sailing ahead.

    1. We don't have to worry about deployments any more but the effects are still there. Unfortunately, PTSD doesn't disappear upon retirement. The first thing I do every morning is pray for him. When he has a hard time, he knows that I am okay only a phone call away.

      The road ahead is bumpy but together we will make it.

  2. I am so sorry you that you two are having to battle through PTSD. It is horrible but very hard for those who have never had to suffer or battle it to understand. Thank you for sharing that very moving page...hopefully, it will give others a bit more understanding.

    Sending lots of prayers and healing energy your way as together, you two battle through!

    Hugs and Blessings,