Why does it have to be a season? Starting in October, it doesn't end until mid December. Out pastor encourages everyone to leave the Christmas decorations up until the very end of the celebration in January.
Did I mention that Dragon finds the Holidays difficult? He has never been a fan of mandatory love but after Afghanistan, he just can't cope. Then there is the rush at work. Very long hours and unreasonable expectations. They have a supervisor that is clueless and huge changes to deal with.
PTSD is so much fun! Unless you live with a vet, there is no way to describe it. I can put it into words but they just aren't descriptive enough to make you u/nderstand.
But he is still trying.
My new found bravery with giving oral pleasure has turned into a great distraction. I love taking him by surprise. After several years of luke warm DD and a HOH that is mostly checked out, this is refreshing.
When he starts getting relaxed from work all I have to do is touch his zipper. I have his full attention. I am getting much better at saying yes and even using my safe words before thing go over the edge.
The harder he pushes the softer my hard limits become. Yes, oral is a hard limit. Was? Is? Maybe? I don't know what it is anymore.
This new level is distracting both of us from what is usually a very hard time of the year. Instead of crying I am looking forward to adding something else new. I am looking forward to taking him and being taken by him.
I am tempted to confess a major rule violation to get the punishment that I know I deserve. Yes, I still hate punishment but I love what happens after it is done. The lovemaking and reconnection. I am forgiven. I feel sexy, wanted, loved and desired. It is the ultimate feeling of femininity. Fragile and strong all at the same time. The bad is shattered and the good is left behind for both of us.
Why confess now? I think it will do us both good. Yes, I am going to do it. The challenge is going to be being completely honest. Telling him all of it and not shrinking back from the paddle. If I can do this, our lovemaking will be that much better.
Wish me luck.
And please say a prayer for the combat veterans you know. 22 suicides every day is to many.
Wishing you luck with the confession Rose...if you are going to confess, go all the way. The "holiday season" is rough for many people and it is frustrating when others just can't understand why you are not just happy, happy, joy, joy. *sigh* Sending lots of prayers and healing energy for Dragon, you and all veterans..even 1 suicide is 1 too many.
ReplyDeleteHugs and blessings...Cat
I started to confess but it wasn't necessary. He simply agreed with me and listed off more reason than I was going to confess! He did miss a few though. It is late so a punishment of any kind will wait. He worked late and I was even later getting home.
DeleteI am so sorry Dragon has PTSD. Are you able to get any help? It must be so hard for you both.
ReplyDeleteSo agree with what you are saying about discipline spankings. But SUCH a relief both mentally and physically when they are over. Because they don't happen too often over here, I almost like them in a very weird sort of way.
Hugs
Ami
Since the drugs were a disaster, Dragon is going to start seeing a councillor a few times a month. He is also getting an alpha stim machine. I hope something helps.
DeleteIt is weird but I kinda like it too. I feel so absolutely loved. It is a feeling that defies my ability to describe.