Tuesday, September 6, 2016


Every day is full of choices.  One of the hardest choices I ever made was to be a stay at home mom.  Yes, a house wife.  It wasn't easy.  To go from full time college student, three jobs and a family, it was a huge change but it is one that I will never regret.

26 years ago I was determined to stand on my own two feet.  No one was going to stand in my way.  No one was going to tell me I wasn't smart enough or good enough.  I faced challenges head on and beat them into the ground!  When one job wasn't enough, I got two more!  I had enough attitude for three people.

Three years later I was a mother and married to my Dragon.  I only had one job but worked long hours.  70 hours a week was normal.  Someone else heard my daughter's first word and it wasn't mommy. Someone else helped her take her first step.  That was hard enough.  One day I was nearly two hours away from home doing my job.  Taking care of someone else's child and my child was sick.

I was done.

It wasn't a decision I made alone.  Dragon told me that it was an option.  Stay home and watch our children grow up.  Be there for them.  Take care of them. Educate them.

Our choice.  It was hard.  We have made sacrifices but it has absolutely been worth it.

Labor day weekend we went to a party.  Another couple decided that I should have a job.  How they knew I am a home maker, I have no idea.  My guess would be vindictive gossip.  First he suggested that I get a job where Dragon works.  They are short handed after all.  The criticism didn't stop there.

The party took an awful turn and never recovered.  Not for me anyway.

These strangers judged me.  They don't know who I am. they don't know why we made the decision we did.  They don't know anything other than nasty, spiteful gossip spread by someone who should know better.

Yes. A boat would be nice and two new cars.  A big house in the best neighborhood and designer clothes.  But I don't need those things.  Even without me working, we could have more material things. But the kids wouldn't have music lessons or play in $$$ sports.  I could stop buying food for the food pantry and never give another church doll away.

I rather live a generous life.  One of giving.  One with fewer regrets.

I know who the gossip is.  I was shocked at how low he stooped this time. (His high school friend was the one giving me a hard time about not working) I have decided to forgive him.  Again. I have decided to let go of my own bitterness and pray for him.  His gossip hurt but other things he did that day nearly put me in the ER.  I am going to pray that he finds a better way to express how he is feeling without hurting others.

A lesson for all of us.  Spite doesn't hurt just one person.  It hurts everyone it touches.  (His wife, my kids, my husband and niece)

Lesson number two.  Forgiveness is healing.  Holding on to the anger gives him power over me that he doesn't deserve.  Forgiveness lets the joy back into my life.

Revenge won't solve the problem.  Only kindness will. The problem may never go away.  I can't change someone else but I don't have to let it change me.

Thank you Dragon for giving me the confidence to stand up to these idiots. Thank you for showing me that I am worth more than that.  Thank you for drying my tears tonight while I worked my way through the emotional mess I have been since the party.  And thank you for loving me just as much as I love you.


  1. Oh Rose...So very sorry you have had to deal with such a miserable, unhappy jerk. You are a loving, giving, awesome wife, mother and friend. A shining example and gift to all. Sending lots of prayers, healing energy and positive thoughts.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

    1. Just before the start of the party the jerk sprayed the house with febreeze. He knows I am allergic to scented products. Then as people start walking in the door he doused himself with what smelled like a bottle of cologne and made it a point to walk by me several times. He made me sick deliberately.

      Thank you for the encouragement. I need it right now.

  2. I am sick to my stomach by what he did. However I admire your decision to forgive. You are living and loving the way you and Dragon choose! It's the best for your family, because it makes all of you happy!

    1. It was all done with laughter and smiles. They reminded me of school yard bullies. If I let them change me, they have won. I won't let that happen. We absolutely did what was best for our family. We do have regrets but not about the decision to stay home. Thanks. :-)

  3. There is so much wisdom in this post! Also, one of the most honorable things you can do as a woman is to choose to be there for your family and raise your kiddos. Being a stay at home mom isn't for everyone, but those who chose that path are courageous and have to give up the ego boost and social time with other adults that a job can bring. I think the trade off is worth it, but it is hard. Good for you for not letting them get you down....you know in your heart when you're doing What's right for you