The Holiday Season

I have never had a “blog” before but I wanted a place to record our journey together. I fist asked my husband to spank me several years ago. He didn’t want to. That thing about NO hitting girls that all little boys learn. I wanted domestic discipline then but he said that we were not ready. He was right as always. He didn’t say no. He said wait.

My little house of cards fell down. Crushed under the foot of mistrust, hurt and anger. Those vows were “for better or for worse”. I took those seriously and so does he. We put the pieces back together and remade our marriage. We went through hell and came out the other side stronger and closer than ever. We spent a few years dating, healing and getting to know each other again. Had a great time doing it too.

One day I realized that I had picked up some bad habits. My husband tried to point them out but I ignored them. Slowly I began to realize that yes, I was wrong and needed to change. As hard as I tried to make things right, I failed. Just couldn’t do it. My temper and mouth were out of control. I was afraid to ask for his help. I asked several years ago and he shrugged me off. (so I thought) What he did was get his head around the idea. We spent several days talking, negotiating. He jumped at the idea. He was tired of my attitude
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Maintenance. The first time didn’t go at all. He knows how to spank me. I don’t know he went so easy on my back side. I felt silly and walked away without even a sting. The second time was a different story. My backside was sore for days and my attitude changed instantly. I have earned two punishments but did not receive them. Life got in the way. Family emergencies, company, kids. Since we were about to go out on a date I didn’t think it was fair for a punishment to ruin the evening. He agreed.

Fast forward to this holiday season. In that I include Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. I always have a major melt down this time of year. Loss marks the season with tears. Add to that all the things that need to be done. Extra house cleaning, decorating, special dinners and celebrations. I want everything perfect. When it isn’t, I melt down. My temper tantrums ruin the holidays for everybody. This year I hope is different. My husband holds me accountable for my behavior now with more than just a look of disapproval. He will take to the seat of the matter.

I asked for daily maintenance yesterday. Lets see how that goes. Can’t believe I did that. On day 2 and boy does my backside sting. It is needed but now let’s see if we can both do this. We tend to back out of one of us isn’t feeling 100%. Yep, that is most of the time. Here we are on day two. Yesterday was mild. This morning was a bit stiffer. Longer, harder. I had a hard time keeping quiet even with my face in a pillow.