Friday, August 23, 2013
Living with a Vet
When I read about other people having relationship issues, I think it is trivial. You will just have to forgive me for that. Living with a vet who has PTSD has changed my view a little. Things other people call hard times are the good ones for us. I guess it is all a matter of prospective.
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Four years ago Dragon was in the middle of a bad PTSD break. I wasn't sure our marriage would survive. It did but not without scars. One of them really does seem trivial with everything else that happened.
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Our oldest was about to have a birthday. One of those major mile stones. Sweet sixteen. I was busy planning a party for her. The first one in years with friends invited. Dragon said no. He didn't think that turning 16 was a big deal and we aren't even going to have cake.
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I stood there in shock. It was so out of character for him but then nothing in our lives could have been considered normal at the time. Things were really hard. So many people don't understand what it is like. I have fogiven him for almost everything that happened during that time. Not that he needed to be forgiven at all. But I have held on to this one thing all this time.
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I read something on one of the ptsd pages that really made me think. How bad was it? What did he see that was so horrible that made a birthday seem pointless? WOW! Where did that come from? I know he saw some awful things. He tells me little bits and pieces but never enough to see how bad it really was. I think part of it is an effort to protect me from there things he saw. And I know he doesn't like to remember it at all.
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Now that I see it from a different point of view, there is nothing left to forgive. Only my guilt at holding on to the anger for so long. What a difference a day can make. WOW! love my man just a little
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Yes, I'm sure he has seen and experienced terrible things. Just think what those poor people (including children) live through every day.
ReplyDeleteGlad he is better and you lived through it to come out the other side.
I think that is what hurts him the most. People he couldn't help. He says that I help. I am not sure how but I am thankful that I didn't give up on us.
DeleteHe talks about a dog he wasn't able to save
How sweet she was but helping her was forbidden. His crew fed her for weeks secretly. One day she just wasn't there anymore.
My husband has a very close family member that has it. His marriage didn't survive because of it. I know it is very hard, I've seen it.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't imagine not celebrating a birthday, that's just how my family is. I know many families just think that's trivial, though.
I think no matter what problems an individual has, they might think someone else's are trivial. It's hard to look at what someone else is going through compared to you own. Each problem is real to that individual.
I realize my point of view is a little squewd. I see that with my daughters romance fails. She keeps kissing frogs. My knee jerk reaction is to tell her to get over it. I have to back up and begin again.
DeleteI was hurt over the birthday miss because it hurt one of my children. The funny thing is, she realized what was wrong with her daddy years ago and forgave him. I was the one still holding on to it. He had just gotten home from a deployment and hadn't recovered from the one before it. He was a mess.
Now I see that it really wasn't his fault. Whatever he saw over there in the mountains of Afghanistan is to blame. And a chain of command that doesn't give a shit about the men who come home broken.
DeleteI agree with you. It's a terrible effect :(
DeleteHey Rose...my heart goes out to Dragon, you and your children. As much as we would like to, none of us can imagine what your Dragon has gone through. He probably will never share the worst of it with you...he is a protector and I believe that he would see sharing the worst of those memories as not protecting you.
ReplyDeleteWhat he has gone through and how it impacts your family is indescribable. I do understand why you were so upset...it involved your child which automatically brings mama bear out! I very much admire all of you for hanging in there.
Now Rose dear...forgive yourself and release the guilt! I posted something this past Tuesday that I think you need to go read...especially the 3rd and 5th ones. Here's the link: http://gigglesgrinsandreflections.blogspot.com/2013/08/rough-time.html. They might also help your Dragon just a bit.
Sending lots of prayers and healing energy to all of you!
Hugs and Blessings,
Cat
Thanks Cat, he will never talk about everything he saw. He doesn't want those memories to affect me or the kids. He tries so hard to protect us.
DeleteOne day, one step at a time
Thank you for what you share, Rose. Partner has PTSD from childhood; we are beginning to fear he has CTE from multiple head injuries, including having once been pistol-whipped nearly into a coma (by several men at once).
ReplyDeleteYou learn in time to look not just for the good days, but the good moments. Hold on to them; they get you through the bad ones.
Thank you Mistresses Erica, I look at a day moment by moment. It works better that way. It is easier to appreciate the good and overlook the bad that way.
DeleteOne day, one hour, one step at a time. Looking forward, not backwards. Childhood sometimes leaves scars that last a lifetime.
Oh!! My heart goes out to you, Dragon and your kids. Huge congrats on working through the rough parts and staying together. You guys are amazing!!!
ReplyDeleteSo glad things are better now. :)
Thank you Sarah, I was the only one holding onto that one. It is a hhuge weight lifted off my shoulders.
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