TTWD His Way, Not Mine

It has been over a year since Dragon punished me.   You would think that he is not paying attention.   That he doesn't want to live TTWD anymore.  

Not so fast!

He lets me know that he will punish when he sees fit.   TTWD may not look like my little fantasy but it is still what it is.  

He uses the look, a touch of his hand or whispered words to let me know that I am getting close to crossing the line.   I know when he means business.   There are times when a warning isn't enough to satisfy him.   Then we talk and he decides what action he wants to take.  

We don't have written rules.   The 4 Ds seem to be standard in the lifestyle and we have tweaked them to fit our needs.  

Disobedience -  When the depression or anorexia are taking over, he has tools to help me.  He gives me tasks to complete.   Eat so many calories or clean this room.  It works

Disrespect - I tend to lash out with mean words when hurt.   Words intended to hurt that I always regret.   Knowing that a trip OTK is in my future has curbed my tongue.   No more slamming doors or kicking walls either.  

Yes, I can be a brat.

Dishonesty - I lie about food.  Hide what I eat and what I don't eat.   All it takes is a hard look from Dragon and I come clean.  The benge and purge cycles are not healthy.   He knows my tricks.

Dangerous - This one sneaks up on me.   Remember nothing is set in stone.   Nothing is in writing.   I forgot my seat belt once to many times.  The front door didn't get locked.  I leave home without the GPS or my walking stick.

You get the idea.  

Last time Dragon punished me, paddles were the only option.   The plexiglass was the meanest and balsa wood the easy one.   He has a wide selection.   Now he can use the belt also.   That scares me a little.  The floggers canbe used or several non spanking punishments.

Now that he knows kneeling won't cause permanent harm to my body or aggravate my hip pain, he is all for it.   Kneeling puts me in a very submissive mindset.   Ready to listen or take a punishment I wasn't willing to accept before.  

Why over a year since the last punishment?  The short answer is life.  Civilian life made his PTSD harder to deal with at first.  As time passes it seems to be improving.  My chronic health issues are another stumbling block.  He isn't going to punish me when my pain levels are high.  

But we are still here.  Still living the TTWD lifestyle.  His way, not mine.   Isn't that part of being a submissive wife?  Letting go and letting him lead.

Reality is so much better than my fantasy.