Growing Up

When you are a teenager 40 is middle-class aged.  60 is old and anything over that is just ancient.  You remember.  Right? 

I'm right in the middle of what I would have called middle aged and I am feeling it. 

One friend had a heart attack.  Then another died from complications of bariatric surgery.  Stroke, gall stones, kidney stones.  And now cancer. 

He is younger than I am.  He has a pre schooler and a daughter that has grown up and moved out.  Last week he landed in the ER with pain beyond anything he could handle.  They kept him all day and eventually told him he had a mass.  That mass was biopsied.  It is cancer. 

A younger cousin got dizzy and passed out at work.  She went to the ER in an ambulance.  They found a goofball sized tumor in her brain.  Her marriage just ended, she is now a single mother and facing brain surgery.  They haven't done a biopsy but they believe it is benign.  We can pray.  That is all any of us can do. 

But there is good too.  My daughter and granddaughter are visiting.  Two of my kids are out of high school and working toward their future.  One in college.  One in trade school.  The oldest almost has her GED.  Dragon had a pay cut but his hours are going to be cut to match. Only working 5 days a week instead of 6.  I am going back to school whenever the school tells me which credits transfer.  I was a junior when I dropped out so I should just have core classes to finish.

I'm worried, sad, excited and optimistic.  I almost feel like a schizophrenic or maybe a hormonal teenager.  Life goes on. 

Life Got Busy

I thought life would settle down as my kids get older and grow up. 

Nope. 

What was I thinking?  It is even more hectic! 

I got lucky.  My kids don't hate me.  Even as young adults they are respectful, giving and kind.  My oldest is almost done with her GED.  We home school but if they don't do the work, they don't graduate.  The next daughter is in college.  She wants to go to law school!  And the one that just graduated is getting ready to go out of state for school. Yikes!  That leaves one kid still in high school.  It is going by in a blur. 

Now for my big new!  I am going back to college with a new degree plan!  Since the junior college is cheaper, I'm going to take a few of the requirements there.  I have all the basics but a few of my classes didn't transfer.  I need a government class instead of world history and my sign language class won't transfer as a foreign language.  That gives me a chance to get my feet under me before I am in the university going full time.   I have the university picked out. 

I am so nervous.  The application process has begun and my transcripts have been sent.  We shall see how it goes.  The kids were worried about what I would do after they all moved out.  They know now! 

I am excited, nervous, worried.  Can I do this?  I want to get a master's degree.  We shall see! 

Manipulation

I just thought I introduced spanking into our relationship. 

Nope

Dragon had been swatting my bottom for years before I added a layer to it.  Yes, domestic discipline was my brain child.  Dragon embraced the idea several years after I brought it up.  I developed a potty mouth after a very hard deployment.

He had never give me a long, hard spanking before. I had never experienced sub space but in hind sight, it was actually his idea. 

He flat out told me to expect the paddle tonight.  I don't think it is a punishment but I could be wrong.  I forgot my seatbelt last night. Don't remember how but the warning ding did go off.  He doesn't see anticipation as part of a punishment.  So I often find out I am being punished several swats into a session. 

That's okay.  I can't talk my way out of it with my red, bare bottom on display. 

Even a punishment is peppered with compliments.  And for some reason, he has to show me what my very red bottom does to him.  Could be my how my own body reacts, even if my head takes a few minutes it process everything.

Update on the diet changes.  Gluten still sneaks by us occasionally.  The fries at my favorite bar are battered.  Oops. 

Dragon found the gluten free section at our little grocery store.  I have been avoiding all bread products all week and he brings home a selection of treats.  The brownies are yummy.  So are the cookies and rice crackers.  Biscuits and gravy for breakfast in the morning.  We shall see....

Why does anything labeled gluten free have to cost $$$$?  Blag

Food

Food seems to be my enemy.  Every time I eat I get sick.  If I eat the whole foods I love I'm fine but nothing processed.  The only common food we could come up with was bread. 

I feel like I am following a fad but I am trying to go gluten free for a few weeks to see if it helps. 

Things I have discovered
* Gluten free bread is nasty
* Gluten free does not mean allergen free
   (The breakfasts muffins gave me hives)
* Gluten is in more foods than I realized.
* Reading every label is a pain in the backside.

Don't know if it is working or not.  I'm still finding gluten in food after I eat it. Oops

Another food we can try to eliminate is soy.  That one is even harder but we are trying soy first. 

* it is helpful to list foods I can have.
*  If I list foods I can't have, I start feeling deprived. 

Fingers crossed. We need answers.

You Didn't!

I thought my buns were toasted.  Dragon is still on top!

I love working out.  It is hard to start back after I have been down for a while but it feels good to see even slow improvement.  It is hard to take things slow but everything hurts.  Even just walking. 

One day this week I thought it would be a good idea to make that new start.  The problem is that it was one of the busiest days of the week.  Rest in the morning so I can run kids all over town in the evening. 

All I said was that I thought about walking on the treadmill and Dragon came back with, "You did what?"

It took 5 minutes for him to take a long enough pause is his lecture to figure out I didn't actually do it. 

Exercising without permission is now on the short list of things Dragon has chosen as spanking offences.  Cussing and seatbelt use are on that very short list.  So is eating regular meals. 

Over doing it on a workout is also on his short life. 

I wonder how long the list will have to be before he stops calling it a "short list"?

A few light taps with the paddle just to make sure I was taking him seriously. "No, I'm not punishing you this time but I think you aren't taking your health seriously.  However I know you WILL take the paddle seriously." 

 I think I will definitely be asking for permission before I get on the treadmill.  I will be very careful about lifting weights and taking things slow. 

I love sexy spankings.  I don't even mind the occasional attitude adjustment swats.  But I REALLY don't want a punishment. Ouch.  I'll pass

Staying in Place

I forget between spankings how hard it is to stay in place.  Dragon usually starts out with a few light swats. They sting but not bad.  Those are easy.  If only it could stay like that.

When the swats get harder I struggle.  It doesn't matter what kind of spanking it is.  Punishment, stress relief or pleasure.  Numbered or not.  The harder swats make me wiggle. Several hard swats in the same spot and I call yellow.  If it is bad enough I have been known to call red even for a punishment.

Yes.  I know it is supposed to hurt.  Sometimes I just need a chance to catch my breath.  Calling red stops everything immediately but doesn't end the spanking.  Especially if it is a punishment.

Dragon doesn't usually let me up.  He rubs my back and talks to me.  Tries to find out what is wrong.  He takes the opportunity to explain his actions and asks me to submit.  When he is sure I'm okay he continues.

Yes, I like to be spanked.
Yes, I need to be TiH
Yes, I love what it does to my head
Yes, I love what it does for my marriage

But it sure is hard to stay still.  To submit fully to hard swats.  .

I hope the weather warms up soon.  It is cold in the garage even with the fire going.  We don't want to spend an hour out there playing.  Winter sessions are hard and fast.  I think swats hurt more on a cold backside.

Ps.  With a spanking nearly every day this week my backside is bruised.  Lightly but the marks are there.  Today he took aim at the back of my thighs.  Ouch.  That was a new experience.  Sit spot and below. 

The Spanking Effect

I'm in my 40s.  I forget just where but the change has been giving me grief.  One effect is ZERO sex drive.  Nothing turns me on. 

Except one thing. 

Spanking

Dragon brought me to tears with a mild spanking.  It has been so long since we have had regular visits to the garage that things are a bit sensitive.  Most of the swats had a good sting to them. 

I called RED. 

I NEVER call red but I did that night.  Just when things should have started feeling good.

It turned me on.

Nothing else has worked.  Petting, toys, pillow talk.  I was interested but not with the heat I felt in the past. 

After just two trips to the garage I can't get enough.

The spankings weren't the gentle giggly kind.  They weren't the hot sexy kind.  Nor were they punishments.  Simply down to earth, let's get this done and go warm up in the house.  The second session even found a few bruises I didn't know about.  Right cheek and right sit spot.  He tends to favor one side. 

We have been talking about things we haven't tried.  Edge play we haven't been brave enough for.  Even things we have done in the past but forgot about. 

Tomorrow morning we will be back in the garage.  A cold front is pushing in.  Even though my bottom feels sunburned, it won't leave a lasting impression.  One more session before it gets miserable cold again. 

Good night.  Dragon is making this difficult.