Life With a Veteran

When they are active duty, you are afraid he will give his life to save a stranger.  You are afraid he won't come home.  After he retires you have another worry.

Suicide

21 U.S. veterans die every day by their own hands.  The scars of war and service are too much.

So you can understand why I cried when I watched this video.  I watched the Facebook version without the commentary from the reporter.

Yes, it is old. But this is the first time I have seen it.

A little personal background to understand my conversation with Dragon after I watched the video.  He was a military firefighter and an EMT. He saw things so bad that he refuses to tell me about them.

No, the story wasn't about a suicide but that is the worry now.

My threat, crying.  Sloppy crying too!  Red nose, snot.  All of it.  "If you suicide I'm going to donate you eyes, cremate your body and use the urn as a stand for my cactus."

Dragon:  I'll definitely take that under advisement.

Why is this an effective threat?  Some of the body hauls he did as a medic were done after organ harvesting.  Not a pretty sight.  The eyes were the worst.  He treated several people who were so badly burned that they no longer even resembled people.  And he just hates prickly pear cactus.

What does this have to do with the video?  Losing my Dragon is my greatest fear.  I have lived with it our entire marriage.  Before he retired I was afraid he would die in the line of duty.  Now PTSD and suicide top the list.  The VA is useless. I pray that the care of our veterans is privatized.  Then maybe the suicides will decrease.

Sorry.  Fragmented I know.  I could make this sound better and read like a professional article but that would take several rewrites. I can't do that. Not with this topic.  The tears.  The escort.  The grief.  Yep.  It got to me.  They give so much.  The military is more than a job.  It is a way of life.  A world view that the rest of us just can't understand.

The Mom Cave

No it isn't a girly froo-froo place.  It is an area of our unfinished garage that is separate from the rest by tarp walls.  I stapled plastic over the wall framing and ceiling to help keep the weather out and my AC or heat in.  When that wasn't enough protection I started stapling my targets from the gun range over the walls. The floors are covered with squishy workout tiles and the edges of the room are lined with enough workout equipment to make Planet Fitness look like a wimp.

The largest TV we own sits on an old work bench with a selection of my favorite movies and workout videos stacked to the side.  Placed at random along the wall are sticky traps for the mouse, bug, spider or snake that occasionally sneaks in.

Not the average Girl cave but it is my space.  I even have a punching bag for those times that teenagers or my veteran husband drive me nuts.  It works for me and I share my space with anyone who needs it.

Dragon works in his shop every evening for about an hour, then calls me in for our date time.  We watch marvel tv series or anything else that catches our eye.  It is our time.  No kids. No cell phones.  Just us.

Yep.  I thought I was grounded until my foot got better.  Guess not.  After we watched an episode of Sheild I turned the TV off and he picked up the walnut paddle.  It is his current favorite.  I placed myself across the sit up bench and he barred my bottom.  (Did I mention that The Cave doubles as a play space?  Workout equipment is very easy to pervert.)

The paddling was very mild but he hasn't given me a good spanking since he bruised my sit spot with his belt.  Even the hardest swats were light.  I got up feeling much better with just a light sting that faded before we made it back inside.

Slow and easy.  He knows just what I need.  And it isn't always what I want.  Love my man.

Dominance Games

Every morning I get up at 5:00 to make Dragon's breakfast and pack his lunch.  Nothing fancy.  It is the same every day.  I wait for the shower to start and set the timer.  I have my routine timed perfectly.  By the time Dragon is putting on his shoes, I put his plate on the table and zip his lunch box.

He eats, we say a prayer together and he walks out the door for work.  Simple

This morning, after prayers, he grabbed my hands.  His grip was firm.  No getting away.  With a smile, he let go and left.  My foot needs to hurry up and heal!  I want to play
 

What a Week

I am very happy last week is over.  It was a wild one.  I didn't even manage to get spanked.  Not one time!  Always somewhere we needed to be.

Sunday was so busy I didn't even take care of me.  I woke up knowing it was going to be a long day.  We had a death in the family and needed to check on her husband and son.  Walking down the hall to the kitchen I felt something weird in my foot and down I went.  One of my sweet English Mastiffs caught me before I hit the floor.

I made it as far as the kitchen table and sat down. No coffee for me until someone else got up.  Every time I put pressure on my foot PAIN!  After breakfast Dragon taped my foot and one of my daughters helped me put on my shoe.  The tape made walking bearable.

Today is Tuesday and I have my foot propped up and iced.  I probably didn't help it any by ignoring it Sunday but I did what I had to do.

My guess is a stress fracture or a deep bruise for some unknown reason.  If I went to the doctor I would have a prescription I'm allergic to and orders to stay off of it as much as possible.  I may get a walking boot but probably not with my insurance.  Why bother. Either way it will be better soon.  Just no fun.

I can get around the house okay.  As long as I don't try to run a marathon or ride in the car all day again, I'll be fine.

Until I can walk without a limp, no funishments.  Blah.
No maintenance
No fun kinky play.
But I guarantee that punishment is still on the table.
Probably something that doesn't involve the paddle or belt.
Dragon is no fun

Fabric Snob

Yep.  That's me.

My mother in law wants her kids, the grand kids and great grand kids color coded for an event in the fall.  Our color is green.  We can choose different blouses and shirts but they need to be green.

Challenge accepted.

First stop was the local mall and a few of my favorite stores.  Lots of blue, red  and white but not much green.

There are 8 of us that need to be green.  So far I found one blouse.  It's a start.

Why does Dragon call me a fabric snob?  I love high quality, natural fabrics.  Wool, silk, cotton and linen.  That's about it.  Man made fabrics feel nasty.

We were in one of my favorite boutiques.  Dragon watched me stand still a pet a blouse for almost 5 minutes.  I checked out the stitching, quality of the fabric and construction technique.

He had to laugh.  Not once did I wipe my hands on my cotton blouse.  He said that it looks like linen and since I didn't swipe my hands once, it must be.

I had to see if he was right.

Yep.  100% linen.

Figure that.  To bad it was white and not green.  I was broken hearted when I had to leave without it.  I love wearing white.

Moisture

I felt a little frisky.  It was well past midnight but Dragon didn't have to work the next day.  All is good.

Right?

Nope.  I just figured out another problem with this pause thing.

Moisture or should I say a lack of it?

I'm learning.


Sneezing leaks.  Check

Hot flashes. Check

Problems sleeping.  Check

Mood swings. Check

Dry.  Check

I haven't had this problem since breastfeeding.

It is inconvenient but nothing I haven't had to deal with before.

I just hope this stage doesn't last long.

Putting up with all this crap and a super heavy monthly is miserable.

Every Single Night

I must be going insane.

Every single night I go to bed exhausted from my day. I lay down with sweet dreams already forming.

Then it happens.

My feet get restless and my heart races.  I'm not nervous or worried about anything.  Life is good right now. It isn't a panic attack or anything else I understand.

Finally, the sleepies strike again and I lay down full of hope.  And I'm off to dream land.

Just kidding.

In my cool bedroom I pop back up burning hot.  It feels like I am standing on top of a sand dune mid August in Idaho.  113* plus heat index.  Nothing works to cool my burning skin.  A cool wish cloth.  A fresh glass of ice water.  Stripping naked.

Nothing helps.

Then the heart burn hits.

You have got to be kidding me!

Is this what getting older feels like?

If anyone else was still awake in my house I would scream at them just to get rid of some of the frustration.

The joke isn't funny.  It is miserable.