I was going to make an extra effortttonight and wear makeup. Not much. Just eye liner, mascara and lip gloss.
But.....
I am already in tears.
I am so proud. My three youngest kids are entering the church. Three sacraments. Baptism, First Communion and Confirmation.
Breath....
They are all dressed so nice. They look fantastic. I am a ball of nerves. We were told to eat before going but I don't think I can. A three hour service that starts after sunset and sunrise service in the morning. We will all need a break after this.
Did you know that Easter is not a federal holiday? When the holidays were first set, Sunday was considered a holiday. Now it is just another day. I think I am going to work to change that.
Yes, Dragon has to work. Poor Dragon. It is his favorite holiday. He rather work Christmas than Easter. Prayers for my Dragon please. His PTSD is very bad. He is triggered hard.
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Friday, April 18, 2014
Going to the Dogs
Well, I did it.
Our local pound was over crowded once agai . They were warning the public that they were about to begin euthanizing animals. They had to make room.
We went to see if any of these doomed puppies would work. In the first row of kennels I saw her. A wiggle butt that looked a bit like a greyhound. Smiling face. Things and a bit to short. I moved on but came back to her. The third time I knelt by her cage, the volunteer asked if I wanted to meet her.
I did and she was so sweet. Boundless energ. Bouncing but ststill oobedient. Even as a stray sitting in the pool, she sat for the toy.
I was impressed.
As hard as it is for me to leave the pound without taking ALL the puppies home, I had to think on it.
We went skating. Even I laced up my scates for some think therapy. By the third lap I was ready to go get her.
She is home.
A mutt. Not the pedigree dog I usually train. No selective breeding. A few inches to short. She isn't even a puppy. A bit mal nourished but she will get there. She starts obedience training this week. I still need to get her a few things. A halty and a backpack that fits her. But it will happen. One step at a time.
She is one lucky dog.
Our local pound was over crowded once agai . They were warning the public that they were about to begin euthanizing animals. They had to make room.
We went to see if any of these doomed puppies would work. In the first row of kennels I saw her. A wiggle butt that looked a bit like a greyhound. Smiling face. Things and a bit to short. I moved on but came back to her. The third time I knelt by her cage, the volunteer asked if I wanted to meet her.
I did and she was so sweet. Boundless energ. Bouncing but ststill oobedient. Even as a stray sitting in the pool, she sat for the toy.
I was impressed.
As hard as it is for me to leave the pound without taking ALL the puppies home, I had to think on it.
We went skating. Even I laced up my scates for some think therapy. By the third lap I was ready to go get her.
She is home.
A mutt. Not the pedigree dog I usually train. No selective breeding. A few inches to short. She isn't even a puppy. A bit mal nourished but she will get there. She starts obedience training this week. I still need to get her a few things. A halty and a backpack that fits her. But it will happen. One step at a time.
She is one lucky dog.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Bad Dreams
Sometimes our dreams reflect our day and even our guilt. That is what happened to Dragon last night.
He dreamed that I divorced him.
Why?
Lack of affection. A hug and a kiss. A simple touch and a cuddle on the couch.
He realized that he had withdrawn from me and his dreams held him accountable.
I had just started to notice that something was wrong. I was braced for it to get worse. The way it was before I started my blog, when PTSD ruled our lives and kept me walking on egg shells.
WOW
He recognized it and stopped before it got bad. I am sure that this is going to be a struggle for a while. But... Since he recognizes the problem, we will be able to work through it.
GO DRAGON!
He dreamed that I divorced him.
Why?
Lack of affection. A hug and a kiss. A simple touch and a cuddle on the couch.
He realized that he had withdrawn from me and his dreams held him accountable.
I had just started to notice that something was wrong. I was braced for it to get worse. The way it was before I started my blog, when PTSD ruled our lives and kept me walking on egg shells.
WOW
He recognized it and stopped before it got bad. I am sure that this is going to be a struggle for a while. But... Since he recognizes the problem, we will be able to work through it.
GO DRAGON!
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Safe Word Training
Oh carp!
Dragon gave me two chances to use a safe word today and I refused. He pushed hard and I didn't do it. The first time was after church. He wanted to go into the city to find some gear for one of our sports loving kids. I hate the city. The traffic, people, lack of open space. I was nearly panicked but I refused to safeword.
The second time happened after we were settled in at home. It was storming so yard work wasn't going to happen. Instead we worked in the garage. Cleaning and a building project. Then it was play time. Dragon pushed hard. He kept reminding me to use my words. Asked for my color several times. The flogger flew faster and harder. Still I refused.
We ran out of time to finish our little scene. Kids,life,dogs bad weather... pick one or pick all. Now it is time for some serious safe word training. Why didn't I realize what he was doing earlier? This time he is going to use the paddle. Yikes. I haven't been able to take the paddle in months. I am nervous.
Time to face the music. I'll update later. Time to go!
Dragon gave me two chances to use a safe word today and I refused. He pushed hard and I didn't do it. The first time was after church. He wanted to go into the city to find some gear for one of our sports loving kids. I hate the city. The traffic, people, lack of open space. I was nearly panicked but I refused to safeword.
The second time happened after we were settled in at home. It was storming so yard work wasn't going to happen. Instead we worked in the garage. Cleaning and a building project. Then it was play time. Dragon pushed hard. He kept reminding me to use my words. Asked for my color several times. The flogger flew faster and harder. Still I refused.
We ran out of time to finish our little scene. Kids,life,dogs bad weather... pick one or pick all. Now it is time for some serious safe word training. Why didn't I realize what he was doing earlier? This time he is going to use the paddle. Yikes. I haven't been able to take the paddle in months. I am nervous.
Time to face the music. I'll update later. Time to go!
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Crazy!
This has been a crazy, busy mont . With the RCIA class, there is something every week. Today was the adult retreat. I got to go at the last minute. Dragon's schedule changed. Happy me. Tomorrow is palm Sunday, the last day of lent. And Holy week begins.
I am exhausted already.
We finally broke down and got a new lawnmower. This one isn't fancy. Just a plain Walmart model. Starts with one pull. It isn't fiddly like the expensive craftsman mower. I never can get that thing to run. Most of the hay field now slightly resembles a yard.
Yep. I over did it today and will probably run myself ragged this week.
So how is DD going? Still going strong. Dragon is on top of his game. I have to watch my step. Fortunatly, all of the spankings have been the fun kind but he has decided that he likes kneeling. Something about that position opens my ears and closes my mouth.
No fun tonight. Dragon is to worried. I REALLY did to much today. Maybe after church tomorrow....
I am exhausted already.
We finally broke down and got a new lawnmower. This one isn't fancy. Just a plain Walmart model. Starts with one pull. It isn't fiddly like the expensive craftsman mower. I never can get that thing to run. Most of the hay field now slightly resembles a yard.
Yep. I over did it today and will probably run myself ragged this week.
So how is DD going? Still going strong. Dragon is on top of his game. I have to watch my step. Fortunatly, all of the spankings have been the fun kind but he has decided that he likes kneeling. Something about that position opens my ears and closes my mouth.
No fun tonight. Dragon is to worried. I REALLY did to much today. Maybe after church tomorrow....
Thursday, April 10, 2014
My reward
Last night, I fixed Dragon's favorite dinner. I even gave our son a cooking lesson. Step by step. I handed ingredients to my son and he added them to the meatloaf.
I had just checked the temperature of the meat as Dragon walked in the door. It needed another 20 minutes in the oven. Just enough time for a reward.
Dragon lead me to the garage for some fun. He even gave me a choice. Paddles or back. It wasn't hard. BACK! He gathered the floggers while I undressed. He positioned me on my yoga mat with my arms proped on the seat of the couch.
It was wonderful. The rain of leather across my back felt like heaven. I think he used every flogger in our collection and he used them different ways. I don't know how he does it but he can give one flogger three different sensations.
The snake was the most memorable. It usually has a sharp, biting sting. But the first sensation from it was more like a fist. Then came the more familiar bite and finally a light sting. Something I would associate with a switch.
Very nice.
I ate my supper with a smile on my face.
I had just checked the temperature of the meat as Dragon walked in the door. It needed another 20 minutes in the oven. Just enough time for a reward.
Dragon lead me to the garage for some fun. He even gave me a choice. Paddles or back. It wasn't hard. BACK! He gathered the floggers while I undressed. He positioned me on my yoga mat with my arms proped on the seat of the couch.
It was wonderful. The rain of leather across my back felt like heaven. I think he used every flogger in our collection and he used them different ways. I don't know how he does it but he can give one flogger three different sensations.
The snake was the most memorable. It usually has a sharp, biting sting. But the first sensation from it was more like a fist. Then came the more familiar bite and finally a light sting. Something I would associate with a switch.
Very nice.
I ate my supper with a smile on my face.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
To wait or not to wait
That is a question I saw on another blog and thought it deserved a post.
For me, it really depends on why I am being spanked. For a fun spanking, I'll set up our play space. Paddles, belt, lotion, toys, yoga mat and anything else that looks fun. And thenwe wait. For Dragon to be off and rested. For the weather to be warm enough. For adequate privacy...
A stress relief holds a little more worry. If he saystthat I need tears, it is going to be hard. But I can wait and hope he forgets.
A punishment is completely different. He tells me that I am going to be punished but there is no privacy. It doesn't get delayed, I get a hall pass. We don't have time before we have to leave for the Symphony. He gives me a hug and says that enjoying our date is more important.
I worry to much about punishment for there to be any delay. More than an hour is unreasonable. Dragon knows this.
Ps. A wait of another kind!
My application for a Mastiff has been accepted. Yeah! Now to save my pennies. This does not mean that I am obligated to buy a puppy from this breeder. Only that I am on her waiting list. I am still looking for a puppy from other sources and other breeds. Rescue organizations included. :-)
Now to wait....
For me, it really depends on why I am being spanked. For a fun spanking, I'll set up our play space. Paddles, belt, lotion, toys, yoga mat and anything else that looks fun. And thenwe wait. For Dragon to be off and rested. For the weather to be warm enough. For adequate privacy...
A stress relief holds a little more worry. If he saystthat I need tears, it is going to be hard. But I can wait and hope he forgets.
A punishment is completely different. He tells me that I am going to be punished but there is no privacy. It doesn't get delayed, I get a hall pass. We don't have time before we have to leave for the Symphony. He gives me a hug and says that enjoying our date is more important.
I worry to much about punishment for there to be any delay. More than an hour is unreasonable. Dragon knows this.
Ps. A wait of another kind!
My application for a Mastiff has been accepted. Yeah! Now to save my pennies. This does not mean that I am obligated to buy a puppy from this breeder. Only that I am on her waiting list. I am still looking for a puppy from other sources and other breeds. Rescue organizations included. :-)
Now to wait....
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