In With The New

It was very nice hearing from a few of my readers!  I deleted about 15 inactive blogs.  All inactive for over a year and added 5 or 6 new blogs.  Two are in the very beginning stages of DD.  How exciting. That is my favorite kind of blog.  I love reading about growing relationships and new discoveries.

What did I discover last night?  Dragon can has not lost his touch!  He sent me into the stratosphere!  He had me kneel on a blanket with my back bare.  He was tired from work so he sat in a chair as he flogged my back.  It was all about sensual sensation and feel good.  No pain, no fear.  Just simply heaven.  A leather rain gently falling across my back and chest.

By the time he was done I couldn't hold up my head.  I could barley answer him when he asked me for my color.  When I said green, he had me repeat it several times to make sure I hadn't used a distress word.  I was in that floaty space just beyond subspace.  The one where I completely disconnect from reality.  It is a very good place to be.  When he finally figured out what was going on, the worry bear look went away and he looked very satisfied with himself.

I would say that we are definitely reconnecting.  We weren't really disconnected but just a little off track with DD.  Too much stress and too much life.  I hope this lasts!  I have missed the closeness DD and kink bring to our relationship.

I will do my part.

Blogs I Follow Out with the old and in with the new!

I noticed that my reading list is getting thin.  I clicked on each blog on my list and over half hasn't had a new post in more than 6 months.  Half of those haven't had a post in over a year.  Yikes!  No wonder my reading list is getting thin!

Do you have a DD blog?  Do you read a blog that you really enjoy?

Help me expand my reading list again!  I am slowly adding blogs from Bonny's extensive list.  But I am open to suggestions.

Dragon has another long day at work today.  The weather is iffy and with what he has to do today, I won't see him until late this evening.  LOTS of time to read blogs and discover new ones!  I will work in my sewing room too.  I have a T shirt ready to sew up and fabric for a new walking skirt.  I am tired of washing and wearing the same one every day.

I just added a blog called An English Rose.  

I am ready to start reading!

A New.... Old Discovory

The more I submit, the more he steps up.

Is this a case of the chicken before the egg?  I am not sure but it is something I should have known.  I have give up control for him to step up and take it.  This weekend, I was determined to make it all about him.

Saturday, I wore my skirt because I knew it would please him.  After supper we went out to the garage for a little session.  This one didn't last very long but I felt it!  He sat down in a chair we have stored out there and pulled me across his lap.  Flipped my skirt over my back and pushed my panties out of his way.  He was late coming home and I couldn't stand not having my panties.  He started out with a few light taps.  Those were easy to take.  Then rapid fire harder, stinging swats.  I tried to get away from those without success!  Then the harder swats fell.  5 of them.  Owie!  But I took them.

It has been a long time since I have been able to take the really hard swats.  With a punishment, that is all I get but I like to get a few during other kinds of spankings.  It helps me take them better during a punishment.  I am more prepared for the sting and it is easier to stay still.

With my bottom still throbbing, we went back inside for some family time with the kids.  After the kids were all tucked into bed and the house was quiet, it was our time again.  I fell asleep easy but he didn't have any problems waking me up again.  He asked if it was safe.  (I don't use chemical birth control.  Safe means safe without a barrier)  I told him border line because it was close.  He had a solution.  He flipped me over onto my tummy and took me in a way that wasn't borderline at all.  I loved the look on his face.  He was on top of the world.

Sunday we didn't have much time for spanking.  We cleaned in the garage a little.  Sorting out the disaster created by the movers last summer.  Tools, kitchen appliances, kids toys and sewing supplies all mixed together in the bottom 1/3 of huge wardrobe boxes.  (I think the load master that packed our stuff lost his job)  We finally broke down and bought plastic storage bins to sort everything into.  It helped.  Dragon has a lot of specialized tools that don't look like much unless you know what they are for.  Then we got called away from the house to help work on a car.  Saved from the GARAGE! ! !   No one was disappointed.

Okay.  I was.  No spankings Sunday. We had planed to continue our Saturday scene but it didn't happen.  But I did get out of cleaning the garage.

Monday was a holiday so all was not lost.  One of the girls made muffins for breakfast.  I started on the yard and we had a good sit down family breakfast.  After breakfast Dragon went back out to the garage.  I followed him.  When I locked the door he knew just what I wanted.  He spanked me and spanked me good too!  I cut grass with a very sore bottom!

Since it was Memorial day we smoked a brisket.  Talk about some good food.  We worked as a family and ate as a family.  It was a very good day.  The only thing that would have made it better is watermelon. At the end of the day we were all hot, sticky and tired.  We started sending the kids in the house one at a time for a shower.  Starting with the youngest.  So, by the time we were done for the day, all the kids were clean and we could get cleaned up without fighting for bathroom.

I suggested another trip to the garage.  Crazy I know but I had a plan.  With the door locked, Dragon sat down to see what I was up to. I took off my pajamas and stood in front of him nude.  He was very pleased. When asked what implement I wanted, I chose the worst paddle.  The plexi glass and his belt.   He was shocked.  I surprised both of us.  No panic, no squeals or dancing away.  I am deathly afraid of the belt but we have been working on it slowly for almost a year now.  This is the first time I have taken more than one good swat and the first time I didn't panic over it.   Progress!

After the spanking, he had me kneel on a blanket in front of him and I did something else that is very hard for me to do.  Let's just say that he is very happy with me today.  Yes, that is a self satisfied smile on my face too.  I pleased him.  My submission brought out more of his HOH side this weekend.  It was VERY nice to see that side of him again out and ready to play.

Today, I get to enjoy a sore bottom while I clean house and do my chores.  A VERY nice way to start my week.

Memorial Day

It is that time of the year again.  Back yard cook outs, parties and the official start of summer for the USA.  Please don't forget why we celebrate.  It is a day to remember those who gave all for our country.  Some gave their lives and others gave up their peace of mind.

I wrote this after Dragon's deployment to Afghanistan.  He came home changes.  It nearly ended our marriage.  I had to decide what hurt more, staying or leaving.  Then I stayed not because of how I felt but what leaving would do to him.  He was broken.  I couldn't take away the only thing holding him together.

I hate airports. They are places of tears. My body shakes as I try to control them. Then I look at my children and I see their hearts breaking. My own tears fall….He sees my tears and his iron grip of control begins to slip. People turn away. They can’t stand to see our pain. They know where he is going. They know we are left behind. I stand at the window watching the plane pull away from the gate. Walk that lonely walk back to the car. The drive home seems longer than ever. The house does not feel like home. 

My best friend, my husband, the father of children has left. I don’t know where he is going. Don’t want to know. More questions than answers. When will he come home? Will he come home? How do I survive? He is my life. He is everything. I am me because he is with me. No more watching or reading the news. Not even just to read the headlines. Routine. Step by step each day I learn to survive. Run, breakfast, cut grass, shower, lunch, clean, check email, walk the dog. Same thing every day moving in a daze. I am afraid to hope. 

At the airport again. The seasons have changed. But then so have I. I stand at the arrival gate waiting for a stranger. He is my husband and the father of my children. My tears fall once again. I am nervous and afraid. Will he really come home this time. Will everything be the same? I hope so. There he is. I see him. He has cut his hair again, his skin is darker, his eyes are different. I expect his hug to feel the same but it doesn’t. He walks ahead of me much faster than I can keep up to get to the luggage pickup. I know I should understand why but I don’t and he can’t explain. We are strangers again. 

Why?

Why oh why did I do that?

I told Dragon that I am ready to move from resistance during a spanking to the final stage.  Surrender.

That is going to be one hard spanking but I miss what it does to my head.  I miss what it does to my head but ouch  That is going to hurt.

I have on my skirt without panties to try to prepare my  mind.  The more submissive I feel going into it, the easier it will be to accept.

The second mistake?  The same night I confessed to majorly loosing my temper.  I cussed.  BAD.  Over nothing.  So what if I was under a lot of stress.  It was bad.

Dragon didn't say much and hasn't said anything about it since.  The confession was last night.  If he was going to punish, he would have done it before bed....  I think.... maybe...  I'm not sure.....

He agreed that I am indeed ready to move past resistance.  What else?  He is ready to move past that point too.  His PTSD has been so bad lately that we haven't done much with DD.  We have both been walking on egg shells.  For a while he wouldn't spank me at all.  We both built walls around our little world for protection.  From what I'm not sure.  Slowly those walls are coming down.

First we need to both get past the resistance stage and move on to surrender.  That is as hard on him as it is on me.  Next will be a punishment.  I know he is there.  I can see it every time I slip up just  a little.  He is waiting for his chance.  It won't be over something small.  He wants the next punishment to count.  I know my Dragon.  He would rather punish once or twice a year and really make it count, than to find a reason every week.

I left it up to Dragon, as always, to decide how to use the information I gave him.  He let me know that I would be getting a very good spanking in the near future.  With the long weekend, I will probably get more than one.  He has to work late tonight so it may wait for tomorrow.  I guess I will just have to wait and see how tired he is when he gets home and what kind of mood he is in.

ps.  A long weekend for us is two days off in a row.  Impressive I know....

Stages of a Spanking

I got to thinking about this while I was in the garage....

Nude with my back striped and my bottom stinging.  And it occurred to me that every spanking has something in common.  My head space.  Some of it is more intense for a punishment but the stages are still there.

Acceptance

From the time Dragon tells me I am going to be spanked until the first set of swats are over I am in this stage.  First I have to consent to the spanking and bare my bottom.  (or allow him to bare it for me)  Then accept the swats landing on my backside.


Resistance

When the swats really start to hurt I always have a hard time staying still.  I whine, complain and call him names I refuse to repeat.  He has had to hold my hands out of the way.  I can be quite stubborn.


Surrender

When the swats don't stop and don't come softer.  When I am the limits of what I can cope with I begin to surrender.  The swats still hurt but I am not trying to get away from the paddle anymore.  My tears may not fall but my eyes are damp.  My body is shaking and I am laying limp across his lap.

And the final stage?


Recovery and cuddles

This is the best part of every spanking.  Curled up in his arms.  Kissing, touching and reconnecting.


So what is Dragon up to?

Last night he took me out to the garage for a late night session.  He took my shirt off for a flogging first and let me know that this would not be a short session.  It felt like heaven.  Then my pants came off and he finished with the paddle.  Sad to say I only hit Resistance.  We are working on that.  If he pushes too hard I will hide in my little shell.  He doesn't want that and neither do I.

Earlier in the day I almost earned a good punishment.  Oops.  I forgot my seat belt.  What?  Still?  Yes, sadly I still forget it from time to time.  I was saved by the bell.  The car gave me a warning right before we entered the highway and I clicked it shut just in time.  RELIEF.

I got a good girl instead of a punishment.  Happy me!  And he is willing to give the punishment now. Yep, that makes me happy too!

Back to Normal????

Dragon was out in the garage.  There was a problem with the motorcycle.   Now that is a disaster!  No it isn't his toy!  It is ours!  It was my idea and we share it.   I wanted his attention and found a great way to get it!

I walked in the side door of the garage and hit the button to close the door.  When the door was almost closed, Dragon gave me one of "those" looks.  But he changed his mind when I took off my shirt.  He took full advantage of my topless state.  After a quick cuddle he walked over to his work table and unzipped the toy bag.

Nope.  He didn't pull out the paddles.

He started straitening the floggers.  ALL FIVE OF THEM!

Now it didn't last long.  It was just a quicky before supper but it was great.  The tails felt like a leather rain.  Just a little sting.

Heaven

The question is, which one of us is getting back to normal?  Him for flogging me?  Or me for taking off my shirt?

Questions....  and more Questions.....