On a Roll! ! !

Finally!

Last night qualifies and just a quickie.  Supper had too many allergens in it and sceneing with 50 mg of benadryl in your system is a bad thing.  I'll take what I can get.

I had some red ribbon beside the bed.  I found it while unpacking boxes.  The way he wove the ribbon around my wrists was quite artistic.  Loved it.  It was secure.  Tied in a bow just in case I had to get out of it on my own.  He took me places I haven't been since we moved!

He had to remind me to breath!

 "Open your eyes.

 Look at me.

 Now breath.  In, out,

 deeper,

 in, out, in out.  Good.

Now, are you ready to finish what you started?


Dragon was only scheduled to work a few hours today.  It turned into much more.  I can live with that. I sure hope he gets home in time to administer the promised spanking.  The paddles are tucked under the mattress.  I think I know where the floggers are.  I'll have them ready!

Crap.  I don't know where he hid his knife!  I'll have to look for it.

Fingers crossed for round two!

Giggles!

Fly lady

The winter time blues are in full swing.  The depression.  I don't want to move or get out of bed.  The days get shorter, the weather gets cold and I want to hibernate like a bear.

News Flash!

I have 4 kids.  Not small toddlers but they still need their mom.  I have a husband that needs me to be there for him.  The house needs to be clean.  School work needs to get done and I have a business to run.

Fly lady to the rescue.

Bed made and dressed to shoes.

Anything can be done in 15 minutes!  

Today I am going to fly.
http://www.flylady.net/



Yesterday, Dragon helped me re arrange our bedroom.  Today I am going to unpack two boxes and get rid of 25 items.  Time to fling ding the bedroom.  I have too much STUFF and not enough places to put it.  I know we will be moving again.  We just don't know when yet but I want to be ready.

Ps.  I was going get my scene yesterday but it didn't happen.  I ended up in a dark bedroom with my head hovering above the pillow.  Migraine!  Yuck.  Nausea, sensitive to light, dark, sound.  Everything made it worse.  I couldn't even lay my head down on the pillow but I couldn't hold my head up either.  The good news is that it is gone this morning.  The bad news?  Dragon is at work.

Oh well.  Maybe next time....

Very Inspiring Blogger

I was nominated by two wonderful readers of my blog.  Thank you! ! !

There are too many blogs I enjoy to condense the list to just 15 and some of my favorite all time bloggers no longer blog.  B'man and sugarann are missed.  So instead of doing the copy past thing of all the blogs I follow, I'll simply say thank you and list 7 things about me.


1.  I obsess about food and calories with a tendency to eat too little.
2.  My kids accuse me of treating the dogs better than I do them.  Not sure why.  I don't put the kids in cages at night or feed them the same food every day....   hmmm
3.  I have been a home school mom for nearly 15 years.  I took over where the pre school left off when we moved to Japan.
4.  The hardest thing I have ever done is teach my kids to read.  It takes time and patience.  Two things I am always short on.
6.  I burned out as a paramedic when I nearly lost my Pooh Bear.  She was just two.  As a medic I knew how bad she was hurt but the ER doc did not know me.  He thought I was just a hysterical mom.  He NEVER made that mistake again.
7.  Shhh don't tell Dragon.  I am not really submissive.  I keep trying to pretend but fail at it every day.  

Ps  My little pooh bear is about to turn 16.  Wow time does fly.  I still lose my cool in emergencies.  I can't put a bandaid on a boo boo without flashbacks and bad dreams.   When she turned 4 and finally started speaking English fluently, she told me about seeing the angels.  She was angry that they made her come back.  Scary stuff for a mom.

In need

I am in need of a good scene.

I crave subspace and that place just beyond subspace that is pure heaven.  Flight!  That place where reality falls away and all that is left is sensation.  Weightless on a sea of nothingness.  I feel only his touch and hear only his voice.

I crave the ropes biting into my skin.  Binding, secure and safe.  Helpless under his hand.

I crave his knife.  The sharp blade touching my skin.  Marking it.  leaving a tiny string of blood beads.

I crave the fire and ice.  Dripping on my skin.  First hot and then cold until the sensations blend.  Cold becomes hot and hot becomes cold.  My mind whirls in confusion.

The leather rain of the flogger.  Melting away the tension in my body.  Starting gentile.  Building until I feel like I can't take any more.

I crave his gentile hands as my body and mind return to reality.  Wrapped snug in a blanket.  Content and loved.  His hands lift my head as he feeds my a cookie and holds a glass of orange juice steady as I drink.

That is my man.

Oh I need a scene.  It has been too long.

Money Matters

Yikes.

That dirty word all couples fight over.

When we first got married Dragon could not keep a checkbook balanced.  He kept his bank account over drawn.  I was the polar opposite.  I saved every penny I could and spent money sparingly.

Truth time?

On a very good week I brought home $84.  After I purchased diapers, formula and payed the power bill, there wasn't much left.

Nothing left?

Yes, that would be more truthful.  I was broke.  And here comes this young soldier that spends money like it is water.     He buys the name brands at the grocery store, buys me clothes and takes me out to eat just for the heck of it!

What????

It didn't take long for me to take over his check book.  I payed his bills and gave him the rest of the his paycheck for spending money.  Even as a lowly 2 striper he made much more than I did.

After we married money really became a fight.  I quit work to stay home with kids and suddenly there wasn't enough to go around.  Every payday, every trip to the store was a fight.  I wanted to put money back into savings, he wanted to buy me pretty things.

Yes, it was a fight.  And today it could be if I let it be one.  About 10 years ago, I gave up.  I turned the bills over to him.  After a few mistakes and late bills, he got his act together.  Nothing went into savings but we still had food on the table, a roof over our head and the bills got payed on time.

You see, he has a different way of thinking about money than I do.  He wants to buy me pretty things and have nice things for the house.  I want these things too but I want something else more.

Security.  I need to know that we have money put back for a rainy day.  I need to know we will have food on the table if disaster strikes.

We get a little money in the bank.  Payday and a reimbursement check and he wants to go on a spending spree.

After not being able to shop for Christmas, I decided to let him have his fun this time.  Fish for the new tank, finally!  A nice birthday gift for Pooh Bear.  And Dragon finally got a plainer.  (expensive wood working tool)  He has wanted one forever.  Lumber to finish building a work table and a trip to the fabric store.

He had his fun.  The play money is gone and we are back to normal.  I stressed over the money just a little bit but not too much.  I did my best to let him enjoy a spending spree.  Now I hope we can start saving back our pennies.  I want to buy land and for that we need a down payment.

One step at a time....

Happy Tears

Women cry for many reasons.  When we are happy, sad, frustrated.  Sometimes we don't need a reason to cry at all.  The tears simply fall.

Last night I had reason.  Sometimes I feel guilty about being a stay at home mom.  I don't bring home a paycheck.  The house isn't perfectly clean.  The kids get behind on school work....

The list goes on.

Dragon knows me so well.  Winter is when it gets the worst.  Bills stack up, the kids get cranky and I get frustrated.

We were in the truck headed to the grocery store.  Dragon was messing with the CD player as he was backing out of the driveway.  (no it isn't dangers, you would have to see our driveway to understand.)  And a song began to play...

You're My Best Friend

You place gold on my finger
you brought me love like I have never known
you gave life to our children
and to me, a reason to go on

You're my bread when I am hungry
Your're my shelter from troubled winds
You're my anchor in life's oceans
but most of all, you're my best friend

When I need hope and inspiration
You're always strong when I am tired and weak
I could search the whole world over
You'd still be everything I need

You're my bread when I am hungry
You're my shelter from troubled winds
You're my anchor in life's oceans
but most of all, you're my best friend

Dragon sang along.  He can't carry much of a tune but I thought it was beautiful.  By the end of the song I was singing along too, with tears falling.  I have the best husband in the world.

submission is a gift?

Is submission really a gift?

I don't think so.

I submit for purely selfish reasons.  Some of them may not sound so selfish but really they are.   I like it when he is happy and satisfied.  I enjoy seeing his smile as he walks in the door.  The soft thank you I hear when I have done something for him.  When I submit to him he is more attuned to my needs and wants.  It goes both ways.  It really is a balancing act.

He leaves home every day to provide for our family.  It is only fair that I maintain our home and try to make life as easy as possible for him.  After all, who makes it possible for me to stay home with our kids?  Who pays the bills?  He even does most of the grocery shopping.  I don't feel like his maid or his servant.  I am his wife.

The more I give.  The more I get in return.

Two people giving 100% to make a relationship work.

I know it is all semantics.   Just a different way of saying the same thing.