Dragon's Arms

I thought missing him would be something of the past.  I thought civilian life would mean no more deployments and I would never ache to feel his arms around me again.  He isn't gone overnight but he works some long hours.  15 hours today and that doesn't even count his commute time.  I miss sitting down and eating supper as a family.  I miss sitting on the bar stool while he cooks.  I miss him scolding me because I didn't get my task done for the day.

Now he just isn't here.  When he gets home he wants a shower and bed.  Sometimes he wants the plate I saved for him.  Most of the time he is too tired to eat.  He is loosing wight so fast.  A belt he has had for years is suddenly too big.  He hasn't been home during the day for me to put another hole in it.

I am grateful for a job.  I am grateful that I can still stay home with the kids.  I am grateful for so many things.  I don't mean to whine and you see I am NOT whining to Dragon.

I just miss him so much.  

Things will get better when I get out and start making friends.  Maybe.  That is the hard part for me.  Meeting people.  Yikes!  One day at a time.  One hour, one minute, one second.

 I did 20 years as a military wife.  I can do this civilian thing.  No problem!

The Letter of the Law

Ok Ok  I have followed letter of the law.  There are things Dragon wants done every day and I get it done.  Bed made, house company ready, sink empty and bathroom cleaned.  I am not to do all of this myself but I am to make sure it gets done.

Yes, I have followed the letter of the law but not the spirit of the law.  Not his intent.  I run around the house in my PJs most of the day.  Our morning are taken up with school work.  This is my excuse for dishes in the sink and leaving the laundry unfolded all day. What about the bed?  It stays unmade until he pulls the truck into our drive way.

I admit it.  I am a lazy brat.  The weight of depression is still there.  I have not adjusted to our new life outside of the military yet.  He works longer hours now than he ever worked active duty!  I miss him.  Now he comes home tired and frustrated.

I am doing better than I was.  Now I am going to do one better.  When I get up to fix his breakfast at 5:30, I will be dressed to shoes for the day.  The bed will be made and I won't shut myself away in there for the day.  One thirty minute name as required by Dragon and that is it.

I can do this.

Life

Not much going on around here.  We are busy with life.  Unpacking boxes, getting the kids started with school work and Dragon is working his tail off.

Yep...  That is life...

My kids are working hard.  Helpful around the house and even doing their school work with minimum fussing.  I think we are all happy to just be in a house.

I am still working on fully submitting to Dragon.  I haven't refused him a blow job yet.  He is very happy with my progress and isn't pushing for more than what I am able to give.

I would post about my latest punishment but I haven't had one in a while.  After that last one, I have been working hard to avoid the next one.  I really don't want to find out what a barn burner is like, if that last one was mild.  Yikes!

Did you know that a table saw is kinky?  Yep.  Sure nuff!  He moved the blade all the way down, unplugged it and put a blanket over the nice flat surface!  It was a little tall for some things but just right for him to use to for O denial.  Miserable!  I want to do that again!

Ever thought

"Hmmm, it is past time for a punishment."

Yes, I know.  Insane thoughts.  Must get more coffee.  I can't be awake yet.

Dragon is off to work and I have a full day keeping up with his expectations.  He is trying to bring me back up to where I was before the depression hit.  It is happening.  Slowly.

Good news.  I found the toy box and the hytochi.  The bad news?  The hytochi doesn't work right any more.

So sad.

Dragon works long hours.  I am home thinking about him and his new found dominance.   So very sexy.  I am hungry and I don't have my favorite toy to scratch the itch.  Grrrrrr

New Rules?

Yes, new life outside of the military.  New house in a new state.  New rules. 

Clean, company ready house.  I will admit that my house keeping skills have declined in the last few years.   It is now a rule.  No one chore belongs to any one person.  I am responsible for making sure the house is clean every day and assigning chores fairly.  It has been tuff.  Unpacking boxes and keeping the house clean?  That is a hard one but so far I have managed.  I have to be on the kids constantly to pick up after themselves. 

My fault.  I dropped the ball at our last house and let the rules slide.  Now it is my butt on the line.  He comes home and finds the house not company ready and the paddle meets my backside.  And not just the public areas either.  The pantry and all bedrooms will stay ready for anyone to come by and tour the house.    Yikes. 

And if that rule isn’t bad enough there is another new rule.  I can’t even yell at the kids without cause.  Ok.  I know yelling does no good.  But it is so easy to get frustrated with all these boxes and the kids not picking up anything!  Apparently yelling is not lady like and Dragon married a lady not a bar fly.  Dragon has not established what “good cause” is.  So,  when is it allowed?  I know one thing.  I don’t want to find out when it isn’t allowed.   That means I am getting punished.    This sounds like one of those  trial and error rules or maybe a “don’t ever do it” thing.   

I see a spanking in my future.  Probably very soon.  We are all tired and cranky.  It is so easy to let the house go just a little.  It is even easier to get frustrated with the kids and yell out of turn. 

Oh crap.  I am in for it now.  

unpacking

I am busy unpacking now.  ALL THOSE BOXES!  It is a bit much to take in.  All I can do is take it one room at a time.  I started with the most important room in the house.  The control center of any home.  The kitchen.  I have found spices, bowls, glasses and pot lids.  4 boxes unpacked, 2 more opened but I'll get to those last.  I am taking it slow.

While the movers were here they kept fussing at me to sit down.  I was hurting and not getting around so good.  Today is the same.  I am moving slow, trying to keep from moving wrong.  My walking stick is my constant companion.  The kids are being very helpful.  I open the box then sit on my stool and point where I want things to go.  I put away dishes that go in my little corner of the kitchen but they are doing the major lifting and moving.

This submission thing is hard today.  I want my house in order.  I want it done today but I am under orders not to over do it.  Dragon said he didn't care of even one box got unpacked.  It will get done when it gets done he said.   So what is he going to do?  Spank me when I am already in pain from doing too much?  Hmmmm  Yes, I think Dragon would do it.

I am taking a short break.  We still can't get to the dishwasher or the coffee pot.  Working on it little by little.   I can see the sink now!  That is progress!

More progress

The problem with incomplete submission wasn't just with spanking.  The larger problem was with sex.  He loves sex and I love to say no.  I was pushing him away when he kissed me and not allowing his touch.  I'll admit that it takes me some time to warm up to sex but I wasn't giving him a chance to hit my start button.

I made a decision to change that.  I started being the aggressor.   I have made myself more available to him.  We are talking more and making love more.  Kinky things that were forgotten about have been discusses and negotiated again.  Things like public bondage, rope dress under clothes and age play.  Things that really push my limits.  Things that are really hard for me to submit to.

Another submission issue?  Blow jobs.  I don't remember this but Dragon said I was quite willing to do it when we were newly wed.  He got a little carried away one day and I gagged.  He said that I refused to do it after that.  He has asked me to try a few times in the last year.  I refused.

That has changed in a big way.  I started small with little kisses and worked my way up from there.  Let us just say that he is quite pleased with my progress.  We have both decided it is a great way say good night.  I kneel on the floor, he stands in front of me and I show him just how much he means to me.

Baby steps.  I started small and I am making progress just a little at a time.  He is very pleased with my progress and so am I.  With me being more submissive, he is more willing to step up.  There is still more work to be done.  I was bratty last night.  Edge play was on the table and ran like a scared rabbit.    Why?  I don't know.  But I plan on making up for that tonight!