A Hard Week

One of my husbands cousins passed away this week.  A healthy 48 year old father, grandfather and minister taken so very fast.  In less than two weeks he went from not feeling good to multiple organ failure on a ventilator.  

Family means the deep south.  Georgia, Alabama, Florida, Mississippi, Tennessee, Louisiana and Texas.  We are over 2000 miles away.  A 30 plus hour drive.  With Dragon unemployed, that isn't going to happen.  The separation can be hard at times.  

Add the distance to the face book drama and you have a mess.  When I first got my account I friended most of our family.  His family and mine.  My family is crazy, I know that but my family looks normal in comparison.  That I don't get along with MIL is common knowledge.  As soon as I disagree with her, her side of the family jumps ship.  

The only ones that stuck around are the ones who don't like MIL.  BLAG!  

Since FB is our major source of information about family happenings, those simple unfriending clicks turned into a major inconvenience for us.  We were getting information hours old, second and third hand.  Not very nice people.  Just because you don't like me, you pull us out of the information loop?  

What?  

Oh well.  

I have decided to try again.  

I talked to Dragon first about who I could try again with.  Kill them with kindness? Maybe this will change their minds about me.  Those who stuck around sure have.  

Dragon told me one person was off limits.  He said that I have tried enough.  If I send MIL a friend request I will get the punishment of all punishments.  A Barn Burner of epic proportions.  

Yes, I did consider sending her one before the threat.  She isn't worth that kind of spanking.  Nope, no way.  When she came for Dragons retirement last moth she was nasty to me.  I was nothing but polite and courteous.  She was just waiting for an excuse to jump all over me.  HA!  I didn't give her one.  Dragon didn't even need to threaten me with the paddles.  

What now?  When we are forced to be in the same room, I will continue to be polite.  No matter how ugly she is, I will remain kind.  The next offer of friendship comes from her.  

FYI

Or should that be For my own information?  Last night Dragon listed off three times this week that I should have gotten a punishment.  Only one of those comes to mind now.

I stripped the bed while he was away from home.  Sheets, blankets, pillow cases and bed spread.  I wanted everything washed.  First I washed the red pillow shames.  They have to hang to dry and take the longest.  My plan was to wash the sheets next.

Dragon came home........

He had no problem with my plan for the day.  He even helped.  He put the sheets AND the bedspread into the washer.  That is way too much to fit into our washer.  And I grumped.  Then I found out he put bleach in the washer.  And I berated him like a naughty two year old.  I wanted them washed with vinegar and baking soda.

Oops.

"That's enough of that now."

I know better.  I know when I hear those words to shut UP but I didn't.  I had a full head of steam and was moving forward like an unstoppable locomotive.

He sat there and listened, tight lipped and didn't say a word.  It wasn't until he had two more bratty outbursts to add to the list that he shared it with me.

"FYI, I'm watching you.  Don't think you will get away with anything else for a while."

Oh my.  What have I gotten myself into?

Not even my bruised bottom will bet me out of a punishment.  Yikes!

A giggle report and punishment

Oops.  I forgot to take my panties off last nigh.  No the punishment isn't a spanking.  No where near.  Since Dragon is home ALL day, he had a different sort of punishment in mind.  He is keeping me on the edge of O.  No release.  No chance to sneak in an O on my own.  Just torture and building.  Miserable.

As delicious as this is, I don't think I'll forget to take my panties off tonight.

And what is a Giggle report?  It is kinda like a scene report but instead of subspace, I got the giggles.  Oh well.  Neither one of us called it a fail  Dragon laughed so hard he went beat read.  How can it be a fail if we both had fun and laughed so hard?

Strangers

In honor of Memorial day I am posting Strangers.  It is a journal entry I began when my husband left for Afghanistan.  I was so very afraid.  The military had given us a date for him to leave.  Knowing what they do and how reliable their dates are, we planed for a date a full month earlier.  We got the word a month before that date that he was to leave the very next week.

I fell apart but I was lucky.  I had a wonderful church family, ballet classes for the kids, music classes, ladies bible study and a great First Sargent to turn to.  I kept busy in a set routine.  Every week the same as the last.  My world had been shaken and turned upside down.  It wasn't the first deployment and it wasn't even the first one to a dangerous location.  I'm not sure why this one was so much harder than the others but it was.  

Here is the journal entry that has been shared over and over again.  

******

I hate airports. They are places of tears. My body shakes as I try to control them. Then I look at my children and I see their hearts breaking. My own tears fall….He sees my tears and his iron grip of control begins to slip. People turn away. They can’t stand to see our pain. They know where he is going. They know we are left behind. I stand at the window watching the plane pull away from the gate. Walk that lonely walk back to the car. The drive home seems longer than ever. The house does not feel like home. 

My best friend, my husband, the father of children has left. I don’t know where he is going. Don’t want to know. More questions than answers. When will he come home? Will he come home? How do I survive? He is my life. He is everything. I am me because he is with me. No more watching or reading the news. Not even just to read the headlines. Routine. Step by step each day I learn to survive. Run, breakfast, cut grass, shower, lunch, clean, check email, walk the dog. Same thing every day moving in a daze. I am afraid to hope. 

At the airport again. The seasons have changed. But then so have I. I stand at the arrival gate waiting for a stranger. He is my husband and the father of my children. My tears fall once again. I am nervous and afraid. Will he really come home this time. Will everything be the same? I hope so. There he is. I see him. He has cut his hair again, his skin is darker, his eyes are different. I expect his hug to feel the same but it doesn’t. He walks ahead of me much faster than I can keep up to get to the luggage pickup. I know I should understand why but I don’t and he can’t explain. We are strangers again. 

A Military Wife

*****

The day he stepped off that plane, we were both a little lost.  The things he saw over there changed him in a way I couldn't understand.  It took us a while to figure out that it was PTSD and even longer to learn how to live with it.  It wasn't an easy journey.  Prayer, God and two people determined to figure things out.  

He has deployed since.  That wasn't his last trip to the sand box but now, he won't ever have to go again.  He is RETIRED!  

Yes, that is why we are job hunting.  This has been a stressful transition but I have faith.  It will all work out.  

Please, this memorial day, remember that it isn't National BBQ day or decorate the cemetery day.  It is a day to remember those who have given everything to protect our freedoms.  Thank a Veteran.  Thank the widow of a Veteran.  Remember why we have Memorial Day.  

Ps, I never intended to share Strangers, it was a private journal entry.  I didn't even share with Dragon for a few years.  But he said that it may help others dealing with the affects of war.  Feel free to share Strangers but ask that you give credit to only "A Military Wife"  There are so many women on this earth who could have written that same JE.  

Panties

A few nights ago, I decided to surprise Dragon.  When I got ready for bed, I crawled into bed without panties. I decided to please my man and sleep without any.  He was so pleased, I haven't worn panties at night since.  In the past I had found it uncomfortable but now, seeing how pleased he is, a little discomfort is worth it.

And you know what?

Only the first few nights were mildly uncomfortable.   Last night sleeping with a bare bottom felt normal.  I think sleeping with panties would feel restrictive now.  I like feeling his body against my skin.  I like waking up to his hand cupping my most secret place.  Intimate like nothing else I have ever experienced.

Going without panties started as a one night adventure.  I think it is turning into the norm.

So what about the day time?  Yes, I still want my panties during the day but with a twist.  Since Dragon is home every day for now I asked him to choose which ones he wants me to wear.  Yesterday he choose white cotton comfies.  This morning he choose a cute buttercup yellow thong.  Not something I would normally pick out.  He buys thongs and they get pushed to the back of my pantie box.  Knowing that he picked it out, I will wear them with a smile.  A little uncomfortable but that is ok.

Sleeping without panties was uncomfortable at first but now it feels normal.  I wonder if thongs will be the same way?  I love the effect this has had on my Dragon.  This morning, when I asked for a few swats, he jumped at the opportunity!  I picked the plexi-glass paddle and he gave me a nice wake up spanking.

Yes, I am purring even wearing uncomfortable panties.

Oh Crap

Ever have an oh crap moment?  The one where you husband suddenly embraces something you thought was off the table?

You know from a previous post that ginger is being used for play again after a long absence.  He had been teasing me for weeks about buying some.  Finally I relented and asked for it.  After all a subbie wife lives to please her husband.  Yes?  The scene with the ginger ended with mixed reviews from both of us but we decided the ginger part was fantastic.  I know there is more ginger hiding out in the kitchen somewhere.  Who knows when Dragon will surprise me with another finger in a very private place.

Yesterday he surprised me with something else.

You, my blogging friends, know that I am asthmatic and allergic to almost everything.  When we go out i carry a bag with things we might need.  Epi pins, albuterol and antihistamines.  Every mom needs a camera and I carry a small backpack tarp for trips to the park.

Dragon wants me to add one more item to my already over stuffed bag.  It isn't anything big but I will be much happier when I can forget about it.  Even happier when Dragon forgets about it too!

Icy Hot!

I am sure you have read about silent spankings on other blogs or web pages.  Capsasin cream smeared over the bottom is usually mentioned.  That isn't good enough for Dragon.  The gentile warming sensation of something I have used most of my life for muscle soreness just won't do.   Oh no, not Dragon.  He puts the Icy Hot on a much more sensitive area.  My clitoris.

Wowza that stuff burns there.  Talk about lighting your tail on fire.  Yikes.  Tooth paste works too but it can be wiped off and the burn goes away almost instantly.  Icy Hot sticks around.  You are committed to it until it wears off.  And it feels like it takes FOREVER!

He brought this up, not me.  Now I am worried.  What else will he be adding to TTWD?  Corner time?  More frequent punishment?  I sure hope not.  I like getting away with almost everything naughty.  I will find out when it happens I guess.

You can find me hiding under the bed with my collection of dust bunnies.


And for the question of the day?  Why did I get all hot and bothered when he mentioned this?  Sigh.  I must be a glutton for punishment.  Pun intended....

the reward?

It sure didn't feel very rewarding to me. It felt like he was following a script and we were the actors moving on puppet strings. He knows how to rock my world. I don't know what went wrong. Stress maybe? Today is his first day with out a job. We have several monthes with a pay check but no job. Praying, trying to help. I am hanging on by my fingernails. One day at a time. Breath

PS.  We talked latter.  The ginger was good.  VERY good.  Not the unpleasant burning it was last time.  I was surprised that I actually enjoyed it.  Being taken with the burn of the ginger still lingering was even better.  I think we both felt a little off and couldn't get into the scene but I think it has great potential.  We are going to call this a dress rehearsal and try that again.  I am already craving the burn and fullness again.