Hoping for sunshine so the kids can go for a LONG walk. They can have an afternoon of sibling bonding. I'll have the paddles lined up ready for his use and his favorite chair sitting in the bedroom.
Dragon says he doesn't take hints.
Do you think this is a bold enough hint?
We had a few flakes of snow this morning. I can hope for a little sunshine this afternoon. That has been the norm this winter. Fingers crossed.
I need a good old fashioned spanking that I'll remember for a few days. I am tired of feeling off. Of never having time to "reconnect". It is way past time for that to change. We are both under a LOT of stress right now. It is time for both of us to get the release we both need!
Check back latter. I'll update this post. Hopefully with a spanking story.
(no tiger stripes to post yet. The last flogging ended in disaster. He had sex on the mind and I had an intense scene on the mind and sleep. I can't mix a scene and sex. I feel so vulnerable after a scene. All I want to do is curl up in the corner and process what just happened. He didn't understand and we slept back to back for the fist time in almost 2 years. NOT GOOD)
Small update - Dragon is on his way home. I gave up and asked. After all, he doesn't take hints. It is better be direct and let him play the mind games.
Late night update - The weather did NOT cooperate. Figure that. The snow was gone but it was still nasty. I thought about going out to the garage but decided it just wasn't worth a frozen backside. To make matters worse, we had another fight. Pooh bear's school work is computer based. I can track how much she does every day and check her grades. For the last two weeks, I have just been asking her how much she got done and didn't check up on it. Well... She failed several tests and didn't say a word about it. The 79 I let go but not the 60s or the 44. I got on to her pretty hard. Dragon said I was too harsh. I disagreed and it turned into a fight. Still don't see where I was wrong other than taking her word on her school work.
We worked it out. I had a good cry, no spanking, no punishment. He helped me mop up the tears and hugged me until it was time to eat. We ate dinner, cleaned the kitchen and the kids were sent off to bed. And the fun started. He didn't pressure me for sex this time. Simple, to the point. He used the thinner paddles for more of a sting. They are louder but he knows I like sting more than thud. With a few good swats with the thicker walnut paddle he was done. No idea how many swats.
Not what I asked for. It wasn't otk, he didn't deliver any memory swats but it was perfect. I'm sleepy and relaxed now. I think I can sleep tonight. Hope so anyway.
Dragon has well over 50 applications in and has two more interviews scheduled. I can hope. keep praying for a job. We have our eye on a few that would be "perfect". Close to larger cities and opportunities to educate the kids.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Saturday, February 25, 2012
D is for Distance
I am not the only one guilty of Distance. Dragon is too.
The more applications he submits, the more time that passes without a yes answer, the more distance he puts between us. I am trying to understand. Trying to be the ever understanding wife but it is hard.
Those little things he did to show love and affection are gone for now. He is obsessed with job hunting and not much else. Oh, he does help Amber with her old truck. They are trying to get it road worthy so she can have her own transportation. I understand that.
I understand the obsession with job hunting.
I really, really do!
But I miss my kind, considerate husband. The one who helps with laundry and takes out the trash. I miss the man who loves to pamper me with bubble baths and cuddle. I miss his gentile arms and thoughtful attention.
I am trying my very best to be supportive. To be the attentive and understanding wife I should be. It gets frustrating at times and a little overwhelming. This is a huge transition for our entire family. All any of us can do is our very best.
Things will get better when he has a job. I hope.
ps. I even miss his stern looks when I mess up. I miss his firm hands giving me one last warning. Can't say I miss P very much but I do miss my take charge man.
The more applications he submits, the more time that passes without a yes answer, the more distance he puts between us. I am trying to understand. Trying to be the ever understanding wife but it is hard.
Those little things he did to show love and affection are gone for now. He is obsessed with job hunting and not much else. Oh, he does help Amber with her old truck. They are trying to get it road worthy so she can have her own transportation. I understand that.
I understand the obsession with job hunting.
I really, really do!
But I miss my kind, considerate husband. The one who helps with laundry and takes out the trash. I miss the man who loves to pamper me with bubble baths and cuddle. I miss his gentile arms and thoughtful attention.
I am trying my very best to be supportive. To be the attentive and understanding wife I should be. It gets frustrating at times and a little overwhelming. This is a huge transition for our entire family. All any of us can do is our very best.
Things will get better when he has a job. I hope.
ps. I even miss his stern looks when I mess up. I miss his firm hands giving me one last warning. Can't say I miss P very much but I do miss my take charge man.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Forgiveness
Sometimes when the same old hurts are brought back up over and over again, years after they happened, it is hard to do.
Forgiveness is first a decision, then a state of mind and finally a condition of the heart. Step one is to realize that people make mistakes. People are only human and sin against God. It is only expected that people will lash out at each other.
It is easy to hate....
It is easy to grow bitter....
It is easy to lash out in anger and in pain...
It is so hard. Just when I think I am getting my feet under me again, someone comes along and knocks them out from under me again. Things I don't even remember the things this person is bringing up. It was so long ago and should have been taken care of years ago.....
What is this?
I will pray for insight and understanding. I will pray that this woman gets back on her meds soon. She is crazy. I will pray for her and with my prayer my decision to forgive will slowly come to be a condition of my heart.
Time to dry my tears and put on my big girl panties. One person holding a grudge against me will not ruin my day. I am not the person she thinks I am.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Girl Scouts and Planned Parenthood
I have stayed out of this debate. And for a very good reason. I haven't support Girl Scouts of America for a long time. It has nothing to do with Planed Parenthood or anything so recent.
When my oldest was in kindergarten she as a Daisy. It was something fun for her to do. Something that her two little sisters couldn't participate in. Big girl time for her. It went great until she graduated to Brownies.
They were short on leaders. I stepped up and volunteered my time for the benefit of the kids. I loved teaching and having fun with the girls. The problem I had was with the leader training. We couldn't say a prayer. It wasn't allowed. Sunday school songs were against the rules too. Some of the leaders didn't follow these rules but they were there. "oh you can't say a prayer but you can say a blessing" Umm.. Isn't that the same thing? For every concern I had, there was a similar response. I went back to the rule book and looked up the official policy. I was right. Just because some leaders don't follow the policy doesn't mean it isn't there.
Long story short. I had enough and said no more. We don't even buy the cookies anymore. They are expensive. I can get much more bang for my buck at the grocery story.
My objections to Planned Parent hood are something else all together. They offer some needed services. To that, I have no objection. When my niece got pregnant at 15, she went there for counseling. I have heard horror stories about PP just like everyone else. Thankfully she had a good experience. The lady she talked to was great and she didn't feel so lost when she left the clinic that day.
I am all for a place for low cost heath care, access to birth control and STD screening. I am all for women's rights. However, I have another question. What about the rights of the father? When it comes to abortion, it is the law that matters. I know that. Women have to right to get an abortion for any reason at all. But what about the fathers rights? That baby is his too. His rights are completely ignored.
Protect the fathers rights and pay more attention to the health of the young woman getting the procedure. When that happens, I will be more supportive of what Planed Parenthood does. More counseling before and after the procedure. Require the consent of the father, except in cases of rape or incest. Take more precautions during the procedure to ensure her continued health. I would also like to know if their literature is checked for factual information by an independent panel of doctors? Is the information in the pamphlets accurate and ethical? Does it conform to the current legal standard?
I don't think that is too much to ask.
I am a christian lady. I do not take birth control pills and would never have an abortion for any reason. When I was 20, my first husband and his father wanted me to get rid of my fist born daughter. I refused. She has grown up to be a beautiful young lady. I don't regret standing up to them. They were so angry when I refused. That is ok. They never had to be a part of her life. I didn't force her on them and have never asked either one of them for anything. Not ever.
Any flaming comments will be deleted. Any people that feel the need to be hateful will be blocked from my blog. This is my stand. And yes, my personal opinion.
When my oldest was in kindergarten she as a Daisy. It was something fun for her to do. Something that her two little sisters couldn't participate in. Big girl time for her. It went great until she graduated to Brownies.
They were short on leaders. I stepped up and volunteered my time for the benefit of the kids. I loved teaching and having fun with the girls. The problem I had was with the leader training. We couldn't say a prayer. It wasn't allowed. Sunday school songs were against the rules too. Some of the leaders didn't follow these rules but they were there. "oh you can't say a prayer but you can say a blessing" Umm.. Isn't that the same thing? For every concern I had, there was a similar response. I went back to the rule book and looked up the official policy. I was right. Just because some leaders don't follow the policy doesn't mean it isn't there.
Long story short. I had enough and said no more. We don't even buy the cookies anymore. They are expensive. I can get much more bang for my buck at the grocery story.
My objections to Planned Parent hood are something else all together. They offer some needed services. To that, I have no objection. When my niece got pregnant at 15, she went there for counseling. I have heard horror stories about PP just like everyone else. Thankfully she had a good experience. The lady she talked to was great and she didn't feel so lost when she left the clinic that day.
I am all for a place for low cost heath care, access to birth control and STD screening. I am all for women's rights. However, I have another question. What about the rights of the father? When it comes to abortion, it is the law that matters. I know that. Women have to right to get an abortion for any reason at all. But what about the fathers rights? That baby is his too. His rights are completely ignored.
Protect the fathers rights and pay more attention to the health of the young woman getting the procedure. When that happens, I will be more supportive of what Planed Parenthood does. More counseling before and after the procedure. Require the consent of the father, except in cases of rape or incest. Take more precautions during the procedure to ensure her continued health. I would also like to know if their literature is checked for factual information by an independent panel of doctors? Is the information in the pamphlets accurate and ethical? Does it conform to the current legal standard?
I don't think that is too much to ask.
I am a christian lady. I do not take birth control pills and would never have an abortion for any reason. When I was 20, my first husband and his father wanted me to get rid of my fist born daughter. I refused. She has grown up to be a beautiful young lady. I don't regret standing up to them. They were so angry when I refused. That is ok. They never had to be a part of her life. I didn't force her on them and have never asked either one of them for anything. Not ever.
Any flaming comments will be deleted. Any people that feel the need to be hateful will be blocked from my blog. This is my stand. And yes, my personal opinion.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Submitting vs obedience
I have been thinking about the difference between these two words for a while now. How are they different? One word is give as a synonym for the other, yet still they remain two separate words. Yes, this is going to be a short post. I am sleepy. Only an asthma attack has me awake right now.
Obedience is mentioned in the Bible in verses about children or slaves. Obedience insinuates action on command. Coerced by consequences and authority. Do your chores or you don't get to watch South Park.... I am not a child or a slave.
So how does this apply to me, in my relationship with my husband?
Submission is mentioned in the Bible also. This time it is a verse about a wife submitting to her husband.
Ok. One talks about a child or slave. The other talks about a husband and his wife.
HUGE DIFFERENCE! ! !
Submission is something given freely. With no thought of consequences. Without a threat hanging over her head, the wife willingly follows the husband.
A wife submits to her husband out of love and respect. A child obeys his parents to avoid the consequences. There is a huge difference here. It has to do with growing up. If you know your husband likes the bed made up every day, you do it out of love. A child does it to avoid the time out corner or a switch.
Poorly written I know.... Blame it on being sleep deprived and an asthma attack that is making me dizzy. I'll come back and proof read this latter. If you have anything to add, I would love to see your comments! ! ! Those two little words are stumbling blocks for so many people. It took me years to figure out what the words meant and even longer to find a way to explain it.
God Bless
Obedience is mentioned in the Bible in verses about children or slaves. Obedience insinuates action on command. Coerced by consequences and authority. Do your chores or you don't get to watch South Park.... I am not a child or a slave.
So how does this apply to me, in my relationship with my husband?
Submission is mentioned in the Bible also. This time it is a verse about a wife submitting to her husband.
Ok. One talks about a child or slave. The other talks about a husband and his wife.
HUGE DIFFERENCE! ! !
Submission is something given freely. With no thought of consequences. Without a threat hanging over her head, the wife willingly follows the husband.
A wife submits to her husband out of love and respect. A child obeys his parents to avoid the consequences. There is a huge difference here. It has to do with growing up. If you know your husband likes the bed made up every day, you do it out of love. A child does it to avoid the time out corner or a switch.
Poorly written I know.... Blame it on being sleep deprived and an asthma attack that is making me dizzy. I'll come back and proof read this latter. If you have anything to add, I would love to see your comments! ! ! Those two little words are stumbling blocks for so many people. It took me years to figure out what the words meant and even longer to find a way to explain it.
God Bless
Thursday, February 16, 2012
What if?
I want to play a game of "What if" today.
What if.... TTWD ended today?
In all honesty, it wouldn't make that big of a difference. If we burned the paddle in the grill outside not much would change at all. You see, Dragon was the Head of His Household before we ever knew what those words were. Even when I thought I was in charge, I wasn't. He always listens to me and there have been a few times I have had to put my foot down but not often. In our 18 year relationship, he has been the leader most of that time. It is hard to lead every day, especially when you are out of town.
His word would still be law. Our marriage would still be based on the Biblical model. The only difference is that he would no long spank me. Since we both like erotic spanking, I doubt it would go away forever. The erotic fun kind would stay but punishment would be a thing of the past.
What if.... TTWD went my way?
Oh boy oh boy. I would be a nervous wreck! ! ! I would have a list of rules that had to be strictly followed and no way could I step out of line even just a little. Life would go back to what I knew as a child with one exception. This time I would know the rules. Punishment would probably happen every day. I wouldn't be submitting to him, wish is a voluntary act. I would be obeying his command. Two separate concepts.
As it stands, I am punished infrequently. When he says back off and I continue to push forward. When the "F" bomb is dropped for any reason. Nasty habit I have almost broken. Most of our rules are more like Guide lines. Nothing really written in stone. There is flexibility for him and for me too.
Is there anything I would like to change? You bet! It is called growth! ! ! As soon as a relationship stops growing, it begins to die. We talk, communicate, learn and grow every day. Big changes in our relationship happen slowly over time. We don't even notice it happens so gradually. That is just as it should be. What would I change today? Can't think of one single big thing. Yes, I would like to loose some weight and have his help in breaking my depression. That will come in time. Dragons time.
What if.... TTWD ended today?
In all honesty, it wouldn't make that big of a difference. If we burned the paddle in the grill outside not much would change at all. You see, Dragon was the Head of His Household before we ever knew what those words were. Even when I thought I was in charge, I wasn't. He always listens to me and there have been a few times I have had to put my foot down but not often. In our 18 year relationship, he has been the leader most of that time. It is hard to lead every day, especially when you are out of town.
His word would still be law. Our marriage would still be based on the Biblical model. The only difference is that he would no long spank me. Since we both like erotic spanking, I doubt it would go away forever. The erotic fun kind would stay but punishment would be a thing of the past.
What if.... TTWD went my way?
Oh boy oh boy. I would be a nervous wreck! ! ! I would have a list of rules that had to be strictly followed and no way could I step out of line even just a little. Life would go back to what I knew as a child with one exception. This time I would know the rules. Punishment would probably happen every day. I wouldn't be submitting to him, wish is a voluntary act. I would be obeying his command. Two separate concepts.
As it stands, I am punished infrequently. When he says back off and I continue to push forward. When the "F" bomb is dropped for any reason. Nasty habit I have almost broken. Most of our rules are more like Guide lines. Nothing really written in stone. There is flexibility for him and for me too.
Is there anything I would like to change? You bet! It is called growth! ! ! As soon as a relationship stops growing, it begins to die. We talk, communicate, learn and grow every day. Big changes in our relationship happen slowly over time. We don't even notice it happens so gradually. That is just as it should be. What would I change today? Can't think of one single big thing. Yes, I would like to loose some weight and have his help in breaking my depression. That will come in time. Dragons time.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Dragons Views on Valentines Day
It is the day of Mandatory Love. Why say it just one day a year?
I enjoy getting a box of chocolates as much as the next person. It always gets shared and passed around. But NEVER on Valentines Day. A dozen red roses? Not from Dragon and not on the day of mandatory love.
Dragon loves me every second of every day of the year. He gives me "I love you" presents all year long. Rose bushes I can plant and enjoy, chocolates and pretty dresses. Symphony tickets and picnics in the mountains. He walks in the door with little presents for me almost every week. When asked why, Dragon says "because I love you."
No, he doesn't completely ignore the day of mandatory love. He understands that it means something to me. However, he doesn't go all out to say "I love you" on this one day of the year. He proposed to me under the stars, February 14, 1994. It was his way to make the day special to both of us.
Why does valentines day come on a short paycheck month anyway? The heating bill is the highest it gets and the paycheck it at its lowest. With three birthdays in one month, extra expenses and a smaller than normal paycheck, I'm ok with a simple "I love you" on this day.
Tonight, under the stars, he will again say those words to me. That is what makes this day special. But then, that is what makes all the other days of the year special too.
Ps. With my baby brother getting married soon, my Dragon has been talking to him almost every day. Mentoring him and helping him to understand his role in marriage. BB does not understand his role as leader of his new family. Sooo. Dragon is working on an email to him about leadership in the family. He will post it to his blog when he is done.
Yippee! ! ! A Dragon post! ! !
I enjoy getting a box of chocolates as much as the next person. It always gets shared and passed around. But NEVER on Valentines Day. A dozen red roses? Not from Dragon and not on the day of mandatory love.
Dragon loves me every second of every day of the year. He gives me "I love you" presents all year long. Rose bushes I can plant and enjoy, chocolates and pretty dresses. Symphony tickets and picnics in the mountains. He walks in the door with little presents for me almost every week. When asked why, Dragon says "because I love you."
No, he doesn't completely ignore the day of mandatory love. He understands that it means something to me. However, he doesn't go all out to say "I love you" on this one day of the year. He proposed to me under the stars, February 14, 1994. It was his way to make the day special to both of us.
Why does valentines day come on a short paycheck month anyway? The heating bill is the highest it gets and the paycheck it at its lowest. With three birthdays in one month, extra expenses and a smaller than normal paycheck, I'm ok with a simple "I love you" on this day.
Tonight, under the stars, he will again say those words to me. That is what makes this day special. But then, that is what makes all the other days of the year special too.
Ps. With my baby brother getting married soon, my Dragon has been talking to him almost every day. Mentoring him and helping him to understand his role in marriage. BB does not understand his role as leader of his new family. Sooo. Dragon is working on an email to him about leadership in the family. He will post it to his blog when he is done.
Yippee! ! ! A Dragon post! ! !
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