Where were you?

Where were you when the world stopped turning? That day had a huge impact on my life. Most of it I can’t talk about in blog land. Make of that what you will. It has changed my family forever. That day wont go away for me. It keeps coming back to hurt us. I don’t know how much more I can take.

Pray for the Fire fighters, police and the brave soldiers who fight for your freedom

Thank a soldier today.  And be sure to take time to honor those who were lost that day and the lives that have been lost fighting for your freedom. 

Women’s Liberation Movement

　
The first women’s rights convention was held in Seneca Falls, New York. In 1848 a group of men and women gathered to discuss the injustices women faced in society. The very rights we take for granted today, they had to fight for. The right to vote, hold a job, earn a decent wage. Women were second class citizens seen a property. Marriage and divorce laws were written to favor men. A married woman lost all rights to her own money and property. Education opportunities were limited to those that were seen as proper for the more delicate sex.

The heros that fought for our rights have given future generations a very valuable gift. The right to choose.

Women's Rights History
　
A little five year old girl knows that she can do anything and be anything she can dream up. A doctor, teacher, architect, pilot or a vet. She can go to war with both men and women. She can own property, control her own checkbook, get a loan at the bank and drive a car. She can vote in an election and even hold the office of President of the United States.
　
Feel that estrogen ladies!
　
It is sad that today, the stay at home mom is frowned upon. She isn’t respected by her friends who hold jobs. She works hard to provide a comfortable home for her family. Cleaning, cooking and maintaining her home. The kids are clean, well educated and her home is in harmony. Yet she snubbed.
　
Why?
　
In the eyes of society she hasn’t embraced the Women’s Liberation Movement. I am a stay at home mom. Gasp….. And ….. AND I submit to my husbands authority.  Not only do I submit to him but he spanks me when I break a rule.

“lock her up in a mental institution and put him in prison. These people are CRAZY!”
　
Do you see the heads turning? Do you see the shocked look on the their faces?
　
Society can accept kink and perversion. Why not a submissive wife? What happened to that word Choice? Did it go out the window? Am I not allowed to choose who I am anymore? I can choose to be a lesbian and marry my female lover. I can choose to hire a nanny for my kids and be an absent parent. So many choices today! It is amazing.
　
But I can’t choose to be submissive? I can’t choose to be spanked?
　
The choices seem a little lopsided to me.
　
I choose to be me.

Stepping it up

Yowza ! ! ! !


He stepped it up a notch or two or ten. For weekly stress relief, he has to hold me down. Hard and fast. The swats fall one right after the other and hurt so much all I can think about is getting away from that hateful paddle.
　
It starts out with slow easy swats. A few with his hand, a few with the paddle. He massages my skin as it begins to turn a pale shade of pink. He shifts his leg across mine and holds them firmly in place. His free hand is ready to grab mine when I decide to stop the session. The only safe word I have that words is BLUE. Red, stop, I’m done…. Nope. They won’t make him stop.
　
Tears burn my eyes but I refuse to let them fall.
　
The swats fall. Unending. It feels that way to me. Somehow I am sure it lasts less than 5 minutes but you will not convince me of the when it is my bottom on fire. I can feel the heat radiating from my skin.
　
At last it is over. He pulls me into his lap and kisses me. His hand squeezes my tender skin cruelly. Fresh tears cling to my lashes. I kiss his face and neck. His hands move across my back, shoulders and rest on my neck. Pulling me ever closer.
　
It was a night a will not soon forget. Stress relief more intense than I have ever experience followed by making love. No not sex. Get your mind out of the gutter. Hands, lips and skin. Erotic and hot but no sex. Just the two of us rediscovering all those hidden hot spots and falling asleep in each others arms.
　
I don’t like this new intensity.
　
Ok. The love making I like. Love that part.
　
But the harder spanking? Nope. No way. I want to go back to the erotic fun kind. These aren’t fun at all. My backside is sore from last nights session with the paddle. Yowza! It is so hard to muffle my squeals with the pillow. Silence is impossible.
　
With two teenagers in the house and two pre teens, I don’t see my stress levels going down anytime soon. I see it getting worse. So no. Stress relief session won’t get any lighter. I HATE HATE HATE them right now. WOWCHY best describes them. As much as I dislike them, I know it is what I need. He knows where my head is. He knows what I need. And yes, I do feel more relaxed after it. And no, the old, softer swats were not doing the job. But I can still say I don’t like it.
　
Can’t I?
　
S#*! What have I gotten my self into. !@# $%^ ^&*+
(I’m not allowed to cuss. And don’t want to earn a punishment if that is the NEW stress relief)
　

Stages of Becoming

JE from my Fet account. 

stage 1.
I will never submit to a man. A man will never support me. I will never depend on a man for anything. They are all pigs.


stage 2.
Ok. I’ll marry this one and let him in my life but I won’t depend on him for anything. Can’t trust a man. They are not worthy.


stage 3.
Well maybe I can trust him a little.


stage 4.
I’ll let him support me for a little while. Just while I’m still in school.


stage 5.
I don’t want to go back to work. I want to stay home but I will not submit to him.

stage 6.
Ok. Maybe I should submit to him.

stage 7.
He owns me. I feel lost without him. With his encouragement I am becoming the person I always had the potential to be.

Meeting the Dragon

　
Ok
　
So I finally got it out.
　
My history.
　
What makes me seem a little strange to people who don‘t know. Why it is so hard to make friends.
　
How could a girl like that ever fall in love? I met the one person in this world I could learn to trust. Patient and kind.
　
I was a single mother just out of an abusive relationship. The ink of the divorce papers was still wet. The ex was still in jail where I put him. With a baby to support, my minimum wage job wasn’t enough. I had to make new opportunities for both of us. I loved helping people and blood didn’t bother me one bit. EMT school seemed a natural fit. I cut my hours at my restaurant job to go back to school. Orientation was the first week in September. I was more than ready to have a job that paid enough to buy groceries.
　
This guy was sitting on the other side of the class room. He was quiet and left me alone. Quiet and intent on the orientation. Another student kept trying to flirt with him. She was so forward that I figured they had to be an item. Nope. He only had eyes for me. He watched for a few days and listened. He discovered that my world revolved around my daughter and making a life for the two of us. I didn’t care much for men and wasn’t interested in dating.
　
I think he must have taken that as a challenge. For two weeks he have me is phone number every day of class. He couldn’t believe that I didn’t have a phone. I wasn’t about to use the phone next door to call him. Finally I decided to invite him to the house. Between school, working and a sick baby I was too tired to cut the grass. I need some help and he was the only one volunteering.
　
When he agreed to come over after he got off of work, I let a few people know I was expecting male company. My Biker Dude neighbor met him in the drive way. (just to make sure he wasn’t a threat and to make sure this boy knows where the real threat is!) Biker Dude was very protective of his young neighbor. He ran off all the men I tried to date, except this one.
　
I was surprised. Dragon didn’t run. He walked up to the door and rang the door bell. The grass didn’t get cut that day. We spent all day sitting on the couch getting to know each other. He figured out I had reason to be a man hater and I discovered that I wanted to know more about this guy I just couldn‘t bring myself to hate.
　
With time and patience, I began to trust him.
　

I Told Him

Yep. I did it. I told him Friday evening.
　
It was another crazy busy day and I was pulling out my hair as usual. My computer did its thing and shut down before I could get it turned on, the kids were doing what they do and all I wanted to do was SCREAM!
　
He noticed.
　
“Do you need to be taken care of?” he asked.
　
I nodded my head.
　
After a long, cool shower he called me to the bedroom. The paddles and floggers were laid out on the bed ready for use. When I finally found a comfortable position, he took great care of me. It was more of a scene than maintenance. It was great.
　
He used the paddles and flogger. Then he messed with my mind just a little. I was instructed not to move. Cold metal touched my back. It felt sharp as it moved across my skin. I trusted him. Very still. Then I felt heat move across my skin. His touch was delicious.
　
I’m not very good at writing scene reports. My memory gets fuzzy and sensations get mixed up as the scene progresses. At the end of this scene I was left relaxed. We slept curled up together. Nothing mattered. Worries? What worries? I could give more detail but I’m not sure what was what. Hot becomes cold. The world turns upside down. Reality fades. He is my reality during a good scene. His hands. His voice.
　
I didn’t get the stress relief session I asked for. I got something much better.
　

Tonight his homework is done. We are ready to start our crazy busy week all over again. I think I’ll ask for that stress relief spanking one more time. I need a pre Monday boost.

(We have used parts from several computers that didn't work.  Now I have one that works.  I'm so happy.  I hope this one lasts a little longer.)

A Needy Wife

That is what I feel like right now. Our schedule has gone all crazy and it is going to get worse. Sports, lessons and school work at home. And now my dear Dragon has decided he needs to finish his degree. I want to scream at him. He should have done this years ago but no. Now he puts all this crazy on us now. I am trying to be supportive. I am trying to be a good wife and mother. I am.
　
But it is hard.
　
He falls into bed exhausted at night. When brush my teeth before bed he doesn’t attack me from behind and grown in my ear. Nope. He is snoring in bed. Normally he is the aggressor and I feel over used. Now I just feel lonely. I know he is tired. But, but, but.
　
Yes, I know. That is life.
　
I need to find a new form of stress relief. What did I do before TTWD anyway? No mid week stress relief. I thought it was hard finding time over the summer. But now it is impossible and our schedule hasn’t even hit full swing. Work in my sewing room. Ride the bike. Read to the kids. Gardening is out. My allergies are too bad now.
　

I can feel the tension building. The little everyday stressors of a stay at home, home school mom are piling up. How much more can I handle before something has to give? Before I start screaming like a maniac? I am afraid that we are going to end up in another stupid silly fight. You know how those end don’t you? Me bare bottomed over his knee, begging him to stop and tears of anger on the edge of falling. Swat after stinging swat falling on my flaming backside. 

　
Unfortunately, he won’t leave me angry anymore. Nope. That is just a signal that he needs to take a break. Time for him to leave me alone in that dusty garage for about 20 minutes while I process what just happened. (yes, I get to re dress) No computer. No book. Just the chair and his dusty tools. When he comes back in, will I be off the hook? Oh no. Now he really gets to the seat of the matter.
　
I don’t look forward to that one. It is coming. I can feel it.