Dragon has declared this to be reset week. With a few days off it is the perfect time to do it. We are settled in and making bills. The kids are back in activities and the chaos level is set to high. Situation Normal. Now it is time to get back on track.
Dragon mentioned BDSM, kink, D/s and DD. We had a long talk about work, schedules and just being to busy. But when we are to busy to take care of us, everyone pays the price.
I need his dominance and so does he. He needs my submisdion as much as i need to submit. He needs a place where he is in control and I need a place that I am not in control at all.
It all works together to make us both better and to keep our marriage secure.
Last night he was to tired to take care of business until I got into bed completely nude. His tune changed fast. I didn't get the much needed punishment but we spent over an hour making love. It has been a long time since he pushed my limits so hard. Just WOW
and here I thought he wasn't listening and didn't want this lifestyle anymore.
Fooled me!
There won't be any time for spanking this evening or tomorrow. That hasn't stopped Dragon today. As he was leaving for work he gave me a to do list and a reminder to obey. Toothpaste on the clit burns but doesn't last long. He left with a smile on his face and my lady parts burning.
A girl can hope.
The pantry is getting reorganized. That has turned into a group effort. I did my half and now the kids are working away in there. Now it is time to work on the curtains for the camper. Lots to do.
Monday, July 21, 2014
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Confession
When I make my confession to the priest he says a prayer with me, forgives and assignes a penance. All is good.
Right?
Wrong.
I still hang on to the guilt. I pour out my heart and confess things that are truly bad. No kneeling on tacks. No hours spent in prayer asking forgiveness. Just told to pray for the poor.
Hmmm. I already do that.
So what is missing? Confession and accountability in my marriage. We have pushed the Ds of domestic discipline to the background and guilt has caused discord. For both of us, not just me.
Disobedience
Dangerous
Disrespect
Defiance
Dishonesty
I try to be a good wife and mother but I am guilty of all of the Ds.
Disobedience - yes, I got the chore done. Almost. In the 5 minutes before Dragon walks in the door I am frantic and working hard to get my chores done. The results are sloppy and half done.
Dangerous - I let depression rule the day. IInstead of obedience I make excuses for lazyness which feeds the depression. That makes it dangerous.
Disrespect - by not doing the few things Dragon asks of me I am showing disrespect. I am showing that I don't value the sacrifices that he makes for our family.
I could keep going but I think you get the idea. It is a cycle that feeds itself. All connected and none of it healthy for me or Dragon.
The confessional at church is a good thing but it isn't magical. I still have to make things right with Dragon. If I leave these issues alone things will not improve. I can make changes but the guilt won't go away.
I made my confession to my Dragon. Listing off the the rules we have and how I have broken them.
Dragon is a thoughtful man. He is carefully considering where to go from here.
I hate punishment in whatever form it takes. But I will submit.
His decision stands.
No. I am not worried. He will be fair and not overly harsh.
PS. My confession to him was more detailed. I cannot put everything here. My shame is to deep. He got it all. You just have a little. Hopefully he doesn't keep me waiting for long.
Right?
Wrong.
I still hang on to the guilt. I pour out my heart and confess things that are truly bad. No kneeling on tacks. No hours spent in prayer asking forgiveness. Just told to pray for the poor.
Hmmm. I already do that.
So what is missing? Confession and accountability in my marriage. We have pushed the Ds of domestic discipline to the background and guilt has caused discord. For both of us, not just me.
Disobedience
Dangerous
Disrespect
Defiance
Dishonesty
I try to be a good wife and mother but I am guilty of all of the Ds.
Disobedience - yes, I got the chore done. Almost. In the 5 minutes before Dragon walks in the door I am frantic and working hard to get my chores done. The results are sloppy and half done.
Dangerous - I let depression rule the day. IInstead of obedience I make excuses for lazyness which feeds the depression. That makes it dangerous.
Disrespect - by not doing the few things Dragon asks of me I am showing disrespect. I am showing that I don't value the sacrifices that he makes for our family.
I could keep going but I think you get the idea. It is a cycle that feeds itself. All connected and none of it healthy for me or Dragon.
The confessional at church is a good thing but it isn't magical. I still have to make things right with Dragon. If I leave these issues alone things will not improve. I can make changes but the guilt won't go away.
I made my confession to my Dragon. Listing off the the rules we have and how I have broken them.
Dragon is a thoughtful man. He is carefully considering where to go from here.
I hate punishment in whatever form it takes. But I will submit.
His decision stands.
No. I am not worried. He will be fair and not overly harsh.
PS. My confession to him was more detailed. I cannot put everything here. My shame is to deep. He got it all. You just have a little. Hopefully he doesn't keep me waiting for long.
Monday, July 14, 2014
An Excape from Reality
It was a busy day. Dragon had to work and I had a crazy day. One of the kids had an early morning game. We left home at 6am to get there. It was a hot day and my little car has no ac.
After the game, I took a power nap and got busy again. Those curtains for the camper need to be made. I like a little privacy at night. Latter in the evening I started dinner and took my daughter out for a lesson on driving a standard. She gets better every time we go for a drive.
Dragon finally got home around 7. We finished cooking together and had a nice meal with the family.
We were both hot and sweaty from our day but we decided to go get a little time together. We headed out to our retreat in the garage. We found the floggers ruined. That was a huge disappointment but dragon made up for it.
We made love. No sex. Just together. Touching, kissing and exploring. Talking and of course spanking.
I have no idea how long we were out there. Out time ended with a knock at the door. The kids needed help.
Oh well. It was nice while it lasted.
No grand fire works but in a way, it was better. We ended our crazy day in the shower together. Nothing is better than a good back scrub and a soapy hug. We fell asleep in each others arms.
After the game, I took a power nap and got busy again. Those curtains for the camper need to be made. I like a little privacy at night. Latter in the evening I started dinner and took my daughter out for a lesson on driving a standard. She gets better every time we go for a drive.
Dragon finally got home around 7. We finished cooking together and had a nice meal with the family.
We were both hot and sweaty from our day but we decided to go get a little time together. We headed out to our retreat in the garage. We found the floggers ruined. That was a huge disappointment but dragon made up for it.
We made love. No sex. Just together. Touching, kissing and exploring. Talking and of course spanking.
I have no idea how long we were out there. Out time ended with a knock at the door. The kids needed help.
Oh well. It was nice while it lasted.
No grand fire works but in a way, it was better. We ended our crazy day in the shower together. Nothing is better than a good back scrub and a soapy hug. We fell asleep in each others arms.
Friday, July 11, 2014
Drama? What Drama?
I am very happy to have missed it and no, I am not curious about the cause. I declared blog land to be a stress free zone several years ago. Even before Dragon retired from the military. I am selective about the blogs I follow and don't even read all of those.
There is a meme going around Facebook but I don't know how to share it here. It keeps me sane. Sometimes.
Not my circus
Not my monkeys
I ignore the rude people on Facebook.
Remind my oldest daughter that her love life is not my business.
And in blog land, read selectively.
So for this drama trauma I will remain blissfully ignorant. I am not even Switzerland on this one. Just keeping my head down while the monkeys throw their shit.
While everyone else was worried about internet drama I had a great day. Dragon replaced the breaker box in our camper and we cleaned like crazy.
When we moved,we lived out of the camper for several months. It stayed closed up for almost two years. Trust me, after living in a camper with 4 kids,3 dogs and a cat, you don't want a summer camping trip for a while. We took a peek a few weeks ago and nearly cried. Mice can do a LOT of damage.
It is a pop up camper with tent sides and beds at both ends. There was a nest in the middle of the mattress, holes in the tents, stains on the curtains and two sets of curtains were so damaged that I couldn't salvage them. We stressed over the damage for weeks but finally decided to give it a good scrubbing and see how bad it is.
We scrubbed, swept, shampooed and inspected every inch of that little camper. It took us all day. Everything was wiped down. The dishes washed. Shelf liners replaced and mouse nests evicted!
The verdict?
We found enough tent patches in our stash to patch the holes in the tents. One mattress has some minor damage. The window curtains have light damage. They need it be replaced but will do for now. The privacy curtains over the beds took the most damage. I an going to salvage the clips used to hang them up and make new ones. With the new breaker box, the air conditioner works again,the battery is charging and we have lights.
The camper is useable!!!! (Several thousand dollars to fix it right. That will happen but not this summer)
Fingers crossed that Dragon gets a few days off in a row. Prayers that the truck is still chugged along.
We have scouted out a few camp grounds and state parks. I am so ready for a vacation. We need some down time.
Hope my rant didn't come across ugly. I don't know what I would do without blog land. I need my little drama free space.
Hugs to all those who were hurt by this most recently blow up. These things do blow over. They go away and life goes on. One blogger left that I follow. I sure do hope the rest of you stick around.
There is a meme going around Facebook but I don't know how to share it here. It keeps me sane. Sometimes.
Not my circus
Not my monkeys
I ignore the rude people on Facebook.
Remind my oldest daughter that her love life is not my business.
And in blog land, read selectively.
So for this drama trauma I will remain blissfully ignorant. I am not even Switzerland on this one. Just keeping my head down while the monkeys throw their shit.
While everyone else was worried about internet drama I had a great day. Dragon replaced the breaker box in our camper and we cleaned like crazy.
When we moved,we lived out of the camper for several months. It stayed closed up for almost two years. Trust me, after living in a camper with 4 kids,3 dogs and a cat, you don't want a summer camping trip for a while. We took a peek a few weeks ago and nearly cried. Mice can do a LOT of damage.
It is a pop up camper with tent sides and beds at both ends. There was a nest in the middle of the mattress, holes in the tents, stains on the curtains and two sets of curtains were so damaged that I couldn't salvage them. We stressed over the damage for weeks but finally decided to give it a good scrubbing and see how bad it is.
We scrubbed, swept, shampooed and inspected every inch of that little camper. It took us all day. Everything was wiped down. The dishes washed. Shelf liners replaced and mouse nests evicted!
The verdict?
We found enough tent patches in our stash to patch the holes in the tents. One mattress has some minor damage. The window curtains have light damage. They need it be replaced but will do for now. The privacy curtains over the beds took the most damage. I an going to salvage the clips used to hang them up and make new ones. With the new breaker box, the air conditioner works again,the battery is charging and we have lights.
The camper is useable!!!! (Several thousand dollars to fix it right. That will happen but not this summer)
Fingers crossed that Dragon gets a few days off in a row. Prayers that the truck is still chugged along.
We have scouted out a few camp grounds and state parks. I am so ready for a vacation. We need some down time.
Hope my rant didn't come across ugly. I don't know what I would do without blog land. I need my little drama free space.
Hugs to all those who were hurt by this most recently blow up. These things do blow over. They go away and life goes on. One blogger left that I follow. I sure do hope the rest of you stick around.
Friday, July 4, 2014
Twas the night before....
Independence day and all through the house panicked feet ran, searching for albuterol.
I had a late night snack. A small cup of yogurt. Something I eat all the time. I never expected an allergic reaction. My legs got antsy and began to itch. It got hard to breath and my vision went all funny.
Everyone scrambled to get the drugs I needed to stop it before it turned into a full blown anaphylactic reaction. Benadryl, Zantac, albuterol and Atrovent nebulizer. With the Epi pens in hand and Dragon ready to dial 911, we waited.
Slowly my breathing improved and the black spots faded from my vision. It felt like an eternity to me but probably only lasted about 15 minutes. I am feeling better today. Sleepy because I am keeping myself doped up on benadryl and shaking from the pro air.
I am not taking any chances today. No questionable food. No smoke. No fireworks. My body is set on twitchy right now. Ready to fight any invaders.
Great timing
NOT!!!
The first really bad reaction in years. Guess I should count myself lucky.
I had a late night snack. A small cup of yogurt. Something I eat all the time. I never expected an allergic reaction. My legs got antsy and began to itch. It got hard to breath and my vision went all funny.
Everyone scrambled to get the drugs I needed to stop it before it turned into a full blown anaphylactic reaction. Benadryl, Zantac, albuterol and Atrovent nebulizer. With the Epi pens in hand and Dragon ready to dial 911, we waited.
Slowly my breathing improved and the black spots faded from my vision. It felt like an eternity to me but probably only lasted about 15 minutes. I am feeling better today. Sleepy because I am keeping myself doped up on benadryl and shaking from the pro air.
I am not taking any chances today. No questionable food. No smoke. No fireworks. My body is set on twitchy right now. Ready to fight any invaders.
Great timing
NOT!!!
The first really bad reaction in years. Guess I should count myself lucky.
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Independence Day
For the first time EVER, Dragon has the day absolutely off. He isn't on call anywhere. No mandatory parade, no fire works show to prepare for. It is great. We don't even have plans to go visiting. Just staying home. A quiet day.
Nice.
I am holding up okay. Had a few moments of tears but still good. 24 years ago when I was 18 years old and fresh out of high school my mom woke me up. I was living with my grandmother and had just finished my second day at my very first grown-up job. I thought it was strange that my mom was there but I wasvery happy to see her. I had no idea something was wrong.
That was July 1st.
My father had passed away the night before. I knew he was in the hospital but he told me that it was going to be okay. I believed him. He tried to get out of bed on his own and fell. The fall caused a brain bleed. There was no stopping it. He only lived a few more hours.
I don't know why it still hurts so much. This year is better than most. My little car makes me feel like I have a little part of him right here with me. When it gets hard, I just go sit in the passenger seat and remember how much he loved me.
Watermelon, something cooked on the grill and sparklers. It will be a good day. My family will be together. I think my oldest has other plans. That's okay. We will have a better day anyway without her attitude.
PS she finally left her pos boyfriend. With her, I'll take any good news I can get.
Nice.
I am holding up okay. Had a few moments of tears but still good. 24 years ago when I was 18 years old and fresh out of high school my mom woke me up. I was living with my grandmother and had just finished my second day at my very first grown-up job. I thought it was strange that my mom was there but I wasvery happy to see her. I had no idea something was wrong.
That was July 1st.
My father had passed away the night before. I knew he was in the hospital but he told me that it was going to be okay. I believed him. He tried to get out of bed on his own and fell. The fall caused a brain bleed. There was no stopping it. He only lived a few more hours.
I don't know why it still hurts so much. This year is better than most. My little car makes me feel like I have a little part of him right here with me. When it gets hard, I just go sit in the passenger seat and remember how much he loved me.
Watermelon, something cooked on the grill and sparklers. It will be a good day. My family will be together. I think my oldest has other plans. That's okay. We will have a better day anyway without her attitude.
PS she finally left her pos boyfriend. With her, I'll take any good news I can get.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Steriotypes and an Angry Mom
My daughter's roommate is sometimes entertaining, always frustrating and sometimes rage inducing.
Her parents are illegal imagrants from Mexico. I have to say that I am getting an education. Did you know that the US stole Texas from Mexico? Let's forget all about the Republic of Texas. The history she learned in school can't be part of the conversation.
Americans are lazy. I heard the same thing in Europe too. Funny thing. My grandparents, parents and husband are some of the hardest working people I have ever known. And any of them will give you the shirt off their backs.
My daughter is not cultured because she was homeschooled. Nope, she doesn't understand the local slang but get her around a bunch of military kids and she can hold her own. Trips to art museums, the symphony and natural science exhibits. She has lived in three different countries and visited more. She learned WWII history standing beside the Rhine river.
Nope. She can't be cultured. Impossible.
I am not sure what to think right now.
My daughter barley talks to me. When she does it is to hint for a hand out. She won't directly ask for help. Just hints. Nothing I do is right. I try to tell her that the neighborhood she lives in is dangerous and I am not comfortable going there. But I am wrong. I offer to buy her gas and she says that she doesn't have gas money to come visit.
Excuses maybe?
I give up.
One day she will figure this out. I'll be there for her when she does.
Sorry for venting. I am hurting and practicing some tuff love. She asked for money and I said no. To many lies. I have been walked on to much. No more hand outs. I'll drop off groceries when she is going hunger but I won't help with rent any more. The last time I did she went and got her nails done. $100+ .
Enough. Past time for her to grow up. My job is done. I raised her and now it is time for her to stand on her own two feet.
Her parents are illegal imagrants from Mexico. I have to say that I am getting an education. Did you know that the US stole Texas from Mexico? Let's forget all about the Republic of Texas. The history she learned in school can't be part of the conversation.
Americans are lazy. I heard the same thing in Europe too. Funny thing. My grandparents, parents and husband are some of the hardest working people I have ever known. And any of them will give you the shirt off their backs.
My daughter is not cultured because she was homeschooled. Nope, she doesn't understand the local slang but get her around a bunch of military kids and she can hold her own. Trips to art museums, the symphony and natural science exhibits. She has lived in three different countries and visited more. She learned WWII history standing beside the Rhine river.
Nope. She can't be cultured. Impossible.
I am not sure what to think right now.
My daughter barley talks to me. When she does it is to hint for a hand out. She won't directly ask for help. Just hints. Nothing I do is right. I try to tell her that the neighborhood she lives in is dangerous and I am not comfortable going there. But I am wrong. I offer to buy her gas and she says that she doesn't have gas money to come visit.
Excuses maybe?
I give up.
One day she will figure this out. I'll be there for her when she does.
Sorry for venting. I am hurting and practicing some tuff love. She asked for money and I said no. To many lies. I have been walked on to much. No more hand outs. I'll drop off groceries when she is going hunger but I won't help with rent any more. The last time I did she went and got her nails done. $100+ .
Enough. Past time for her to grow up. My job is done. I raised her and now it is time for her to stand on her own two feet.
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