That job we thought he had but never heard anything about? HE HAS IT! We are in crisis pack out now. We are going to get the house ready for movers and go. I'll take the kids and animals to Grannys house. He stays and works at his NEW JOB. I fly back to the west coast to finish supervise the movers and sign contracts with a real estate agent.
Hope we can sell this house in a hurry! I am ready to have a forever home. So tired of moving every 2 or three years.
Crisis mode. I'm not sure how much time I'll have for blog land. It will probably be off and on.
Gotta get a wiggle ! ! !
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
Need
There are times I NEED a spanking.
No, not a punishment. Simply a spanking to reassure me that he is on top of his game and still in charge.
A spanking to lower my stress level.
A spanking that lets me feel his authority in a very real way.
How do I know when I need a reassurance spanking? That part is easy. I can feel the anziety building in my chest. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. And the most accurate indicator? My backside feels funny. It almost hurts but not quite. I can almost feel the spanking. The sting of the swats.
I get this feeling when it has been a few weeks between spankings. Flogging is not the same. He can flog my back and leave some nice tiger stripes behind but I'll still need the paddle.
It is a mystery. No idea why this happens but it does. In times like this I need to be spanked to tears but I know that won't happen. The tears won't fall. Not from physical pain and not from the humiliation of being spanked. I wish I could cry.
I'll update this post when I get the spanking I need. If it happens.
Icy hot? Hey this isn't a punishment! My backside is on fire from ICY HOT! This is going to be a very long day. I think he may be planning on spanking a pre warmed bottom.
No, not a punishment. Simply a spanking to reassure me that he is on top of his game and still in charge.
A spanking to lower my stress level.
A spanking that lets me feel his authority in a very real way.
How do I know when I need a reassurance spanking? That part is easy. I can feel the anziety building in my chest. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. And the most accurate indicator? My backside feels funny. It almost hurts but not quite. I can almost feel the spanking. The sting of the swats.
I get this feeling when it has been a few weeks between spankings. Flogging is not the same. He can flog my back and leave some nice tiger stripes behind but I'll still need the paddle.
It is a mystery. No idea why this happens but it does. In times like this I need to be spanked to tears but I know that won't happen. The tears won't fall. Not from physical pain and not from the humiliation of being spanked. I wish I could cry.
I'll update this post when I get the spanking I need. If it happens.
Icy hot? Hey this isn't a punishment! My backside is on fire from ICY HOT! This is going to be a very long day. I think he may be planning on spanking a pre warmed bottom.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Anticipation
Over at My Bottom Smarts Bonnies munch topic is anticipation. Does he make you wait? How does it feel to wait? Dragon doesn't make me wait for a punishment at all. The anticipation turned me into a nervous wreck. I couldn't handle even the hour it takes to get from the nearest city to our small home town. I fully admit my weakness.
It was never really discussed. He simply never makes me wait more than a few minutes for minor infractions or an hour for more serious infractions (seat belt). He will tell me that I deserve a barn burner but if for some reason he can't get it over with right away, I get away with just a lecture. (I'll tell you something, the lecture is bad enough!)
Dang Bonnie!
Her blog post sparked a discussion and Dragon got that look on his face.
You know the one....
Half smile?
Half sneer?
Totally terrifying?
Yep, that one.
My heart dropped and my stomach did a fantastic cartwheel.
"You know, there won't be anymore waiting at all. Not for you. I have the icy hot I can use anytime you misbehave. You won't have to wait for your punishment and I know you will be squirming with discomfort."
Oh CRAP! This is a bunch of male bovine excrement. Horse poop even! That apple pie is really going to do it.
Do what you ask?
Good question.
Well I hope that there will be two levels of icy hot. Rubbed generously into the sit spot for minor offences. That is uncomfortable but not too bad. Kinka like a punishment for those little things I do that gets on his nerves. For a major offence like forgetting my seat belt or dropping the F bomb? It goes right on the clit. OH H@#$ Heck! That burns. AND NOTHING HELPS! Ones icy hot is on those most delicate parts, it is there until it is done. About 30 minutes? It is miserable. Try sitting still and eating a meal in a nice restaurant like that! It feels like someone took a blow torch to your private parts.
And yes, he will be able to tell if I really put it there in the public restroom. My squirming while we are still out, the red cheeks from embarrassment and the left over scent that is left behind in my panties when we get home. I think it is too much to hope for that he will separate it into two levels. The sadist in him loves to see me wiggle with my pink lady parts burning.
And of course he reminds me that ginger is always an option if we have privacy but the sound of the paddle would risk discovery.
Oh CRAP!
Dragon is coming! Gotta go!
It was never really discussed. He simply never makes me wait more than a few minutes for minor infractions or an hour for more serious infractions (seat belt). He will tell me that I deserve a barn burner but if for some reason he can't get it over with right away, I get away with just a lecture. (I'll tell you something, the lecture is bad enough!)
Dang Bonnie!
Her blog post sparked a discussion and Dragon got that look on his face.
You know the one....
Half smile?
Half sneer?
Totally terrifying?
Yep, that one.
My heart dropped and my stomach did a fantastic cartwheel.
"You know, there won't be anymore waiting at all. Not for you. I have the icy hot I can use anytime you misbehave. You won't have to wait for your punishment and I know you will be squirming with discomfort."
Oh CRAP! This is a bunch of male bovine excrement. Horse poop even! That apple pie is really going to do it.
Do what you ask?
Good question.
Well I hope that there will be two levels of icy hot. Rubbed generously into the sit spot for minor offences. That is uncomfortable but not too bad. Kinka like a punishment for those little things I do that gets on his nerves. For a major offence like forgetting my seat belt or dropping the F bomb? It goes right on the clit. OH H@#$ Heck! That burns. AND NOTHING HELPS! Ones icy hot is on those most delicate parts, it is there until it is done. About 30 minutes? It is miserable. Try sitting still and eating a meal in a nice restaurant like that! It feels like someone took a blow torch to your private parts.
And yes, he will be able to tell if I really put it there in the public restroom. My squirming while we are still out, the red cheeks from embarrassment and the left over scent that is left behind in my panties when we get home. I think it is too much to hope for that he will separate it into two levels. The sadist in him loves to see me wiggle with my pink lady parts burning.
And of course he reminds me that ginger is always an option if we have privacy but the sound of the paddle would risk discovery.
Oh CRAP!
Dragon is coming! Gotta go!
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Sewing
Sewing is my outlet. It is how I deal with the stress. I'm sewing almost every day now. That is a good thing but I'm not sure how much it is helping me cope. I'm trying.
My newest project is a dress based off of the folkwear intimacies pattern #219.
I had a simple, comfortable sundress in mind. I picked out some fabric from my LARGE stash and went to work. Very carefully, I measured my chest, waist and hips then chose the size and cutting lines. I carefully measured grain line and lined up the pattern perfectly.
The first fitting of the partially made dress didn't so so good. It fits like a flower sack. VERY disappointed. I think my mistake is with the tape measure. My measurements weren't as accurate as I thought they were.
Oh well. I'll finish the dress tomorrow and have a very pretty nightgown. Next time I use this pattern, I'll get Dragon to help with the measurements and make a smaller size.
Ooops. With everything going on, I forgot to post a photo of the outfit I made this past winter. I'll ave to do that soon.
Ps After worrying about Emi overdoing it, I over did it today. Blag. I know better than that. It only makes me miserable. Oh well. I'll take it easy tomorrow. My body will make sure of it.
My newest project is a dress based off of the folkwear intimacies pattern #219.
I had a simple, comfortable sundress in mind. I picked out some fabric from my LARGE stash and went to work. Very carefully, I measured my chest, waist and hips then chose the size and cutting lines. I carefully measured grain line and lined up the pattern perfectly.
The first fitting of the partially made dress didn't so so good. It fits like a flower sack. VERY disappointed. I think my mistake is with the tape measure. My measurements weren't as accurate as I thought they were.
Oh well. I'll finish the dress tomorrow and have a very pretty nightgown. Next time I use this pattern, I'll get Dragon to help with the measurements and make a smaller size.
Ooops. With everything going on, I forgot to post a photo of the outfit I made this past winter. I'll ave to do that soon.
Ps After worrying about Emi overdoing it, I over did it today. Blag. I know better than that. It only makes me miserable. Oh well. I'll take it easy tomorrow. My body will make sure of it.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Temper, Temper
onetwothreefourfivesixseveneightnineten
Didn't work.... Slower this time?
one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten
Still didn't work....
Today is not going MY way. Grrr
I want to work in my sewing room but the kids are being their usual needy selves. Even Dragon is needy today.
I had to put my sewing down to find poohbears lap suit. She has lessons today. I found all of the girls new clothes thrown in the floor. $30 blouses, $50 dresses. I am glad I didn't buy them much. That is so frustrating. Old, broken toys they have out grown, garbage, ice skates I thought they had donated to the youth ranch last year.
Every time I open my mouth, my bad temper shows and Dragon gives me THAT look.
Oh CRAP
I better get this under control fast!
One mississippi
two mississippi
three mississippi
Breath dangit!
This day is fornicating vertically....
Didn't work.... Slower this time?
one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten
Still didn't work....
Today is not going MY way. Grrr
I want to work in my sewing room but the kids are being their usual needy selves. Even Dragon is needy today.
I had to put my sewing down to find poohbears lap suit. She has lessons today. I found all of the girls new clothes thrown in the floor. $30 blouses, $50 dresses. I am glad I didn't buy them much. That is so frustrating. Old, broken toys they have out grown, garbage, ice skates I thought they had donated to the youth ranch last year.
Every time I open my mouth, my bad temper shows and Dragon gives me THAT look.
Oh CRAP
I better get this under control fast!
One mississippi
two mississippi
three mississippi
Breath dangit!
This day is fornicating vertically....
Monday, June 4, 2012
Sleep
I have finally found a way to get a good nights sleep! I should patent the idea!
You see, every night when I turn off the light and lay down to sleep my heart rate spikes and I get hot. It doesn't matter how sleepy I am or how cool the house is. A stress relief spanking before bed doesn't work. A BDSM scene with the floggers is a waist of effort. All those beautiful tiger stripes and still no sleep.
I have tried taking benadryl right before bed and Nyquil. I have tried taking a warm shower and a cool sower. Long walks and long days of yard work. I still end up sleepless and exhausted the next day. I try my very best not to nap hoping for sleep the next night.
Nope. None of those things worked.
Ok. My heart rate skyrockets and I get broiling hot. What can I do to improve the situation? I have no idea what to do about my pounding heart but there is a solution to the other issue!
Last night, I covered up with a damp towel. Not dripping wet, just a little damp. That kept me nice and cool. My heart was still pounding but it didn't last long. With the cool towel across my legs, I was out in minutes.
My first good nights sleep in WEEKS! Yippee! ! ! !
You see, every night when I turn off the light and lay down to sleep my heart rate spikes and I get hot. It doesn't matter how sleepy I am or how cool the house is. A stress relief spanking before bed doesn't work. A BDSM scene with the floggers is a waist of effort. All those beautiful tiger stripes and still no sleep.
I have tried taking benadryl right before bed and Nyquil. I have tried taking a warm shower and a cool sower. Long walks and long days of yard work. I still end up sleepless and exhausted the next day. I try my very best not to nap hoping for sleep the next night.
Nope. None of those things worked.
Ok. My heart rate skyrockets and I get broiling hot. What can I do to improve the situation? I have no idea what to do about my pounding heart but there is a solution to the other issue!
Last night, I covered up with a damp towel. Not dripping wet, just a little damp. That kept me nice and cool. My heart was still pounding but it didn't last long. With the cool towel across my legs, I was out in minutes.
My first good nights sleep in WEEKS! Yippee! ! ! !
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Movie Nite
All I can say is wow.
Dragon was away from home today. I spent the day doing what I always do. The kids did school work and I supervised. When school work was done and the kids had some free time, I worked on my own projects. It was a nice normal day.
It was getting late and he STILL wasn't home. The kids were in bed, animals fed and the house was locked up. Nice and quiet. So I decided to have a movie night. Just me. Dragon can't watch this one. Too much violence that triggers PTSD.
American History X
So much violence and hate. Brutal. It was chilling.
It was meant to draw the audience into the hate. It doesn't matter which "side" you are on, it draws you in. Lets you believe for just a little while that all things bad in the world can be blamed on "them". Them who? Whites? Blacks? Hispanics, Jews, Muslims or Christians. Even gays. Yep. It is them. Not me. No no. There isn't anything wrong with my hateful thinking.
The movie shows how just a little trash talk can change hearts and not in a good way. It is easy to teach people how to hate. It is much harder to teach them love.
I couldn't help but think about a children's bible song.
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
Oh be careful little ears what you hear
Oh be careful little mouth what you say
Oh be careful little hands what you do
Oh be careful little feet where you so
For the father up above is looking down in love
It is so important to show love and kindness in everything we do. As humans, we slip up. We get hurt and then get bitter. A little trash talk and a family isn't safe in their own home anymore. A little more trash talk and someone dies.
"The pen is mightier than the sward"
My voice is just as powerful to those around me.
I have a lot to think about and even more still to learn.
Life is hard. God didn't promise us an easy road, only that he would be there for us. He teaches us to love and to forgive. So many lessons in one short movie.
Now I understand why Dragon had Amber watch that movie when she was talking trash and angry at the world. Now I understand the change in her after she watched that movie.
Hard to watch. Not for small children, those with PTSD or weak stomachs.
Worth Watching? Absolutely (once)
Ps I am very happy Dragon is home. That movie is going to give me bad dreams.
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