The Doctor

Ok.  It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  He took our histories,(three of us, me and two of the kids) and wrote out the Rx for our asthma meds.  It is done.  My old meds are back ordered so I am now on a different one.  I will have to give it a month to see if it works.  Time will tell...

Better news?

We were talking to some new friends last night and Dragon mentioned ball room dancing.  I have wanted to learn for a LONG time.  During his last deployment I had a very hard time.  We had just figured out the PTSD issue and were beginning to put our marriage back together.  He started this "smile a week" thing.  One week he enrolled me in a motorcycle safety class.  The next week he sent me a link to a ball room dance studio.  Every week it was something new.

Out of all those links only a few things are left un done.  I still don't have a long leather coat.  I have yet to go sky diving and we still don't know how to dance.

Hmmm....

It could be fun....  Maybe

I found a local call called for "Marriage Enrichment through dance"  It looks interesting.  Maybe after we close on the house.  We will have to wait and see....$$$$

My Fitness Pal

I gave in yesterday and started using it.  I had some problems trying to figure out how to add foods but now that I have it figured out, it is easy.

I thought I hit below the target yesterday.  1192 was the total for the day but I forgot to add in the 1/2 c of milk with breakfast, the crackers I ate while cooking supper and the 1/4 of green beans.  I think that took it up to a more reasonable amount.

I'll try to do better with accuracy today.  I thought I ate like a piggie yesterday.  Looks like I didn't do half bad though.  I am going to add in an extra work out too.  I usually do my physical stuff in the afternoon but today I am going to add in some morning cardio.

The goal?  one pound a week.  Down to 140 lbs.  I an not sure how much weight Dragon will let me loose before he says enough.  He doesn't go by the scale as much as he does my general health.  We don't even have scales in the house anymore.  The anna side of my brain tends to obsess over those number.  Instead I obsess over the tape measure.  That one is easier to hide.

I have a doctors appointment Friday.  I need to get a referral to an astma allergy doc.  I can't just call for an appointment any more.  I have to get permission.  Blag.  That is one drawback to our new insurance but we have to follow the rules.  I am pretty sure they will get a weight and will be able to update it then.

Scared Healthy

Several ladies I know have had that gastric bypass surgery.  It seems to be getting more and more common. For some of them, I can understand the desperation.  Morbidly obese even as a child, I am not sure what their motive is but I can understand.

One lady I knew in high school.  She was always a very big girl.  When we graduated high school, they didn't have a gown large enough to fit her.  The company that made the gowns ended up sewing two gowns together.  It worked.  She had the surgery 5 years ago and died of complications this year.  I think it was liver failure associated with the bypass.  She left behind a young son.

Another one worked on base.  She couldn't hold any food down after her surgery.  Her husband used up all of his sick leave and vacation days trying to take care of her.  Every week I heard the same updates.  Back in the hospital, feeding tubes, IVs.

A friends daughter had the surgery about 2 years ago.  She lost a lot of weight.  So much that she is now anorexic thin.  She went from morbidly obese to wearing a size 0.  She is a few inches taller than me and very much underweight.  For some reason the doctors are still doing surgery on her.  Removing all the excess skin for the weight loss.  What are they trying to do?  Make her look like a super model?  Not going to happen.  She had more skin removed a few weeks ago.  Just before Thanksgiving she rolled over in bed and ripped her skin apart.  She said that her hip bone was showing.

Wow.

And this is ok?  Please tell me how?  I can't understand it.  She has 3 kids.  2 of them are pre schoolers and she is putting her life at risk to get rid of a little extra skin?

As if all of this wasn't enough, I visited my SIL over the weekend.  Both her and her husband are sweethearts.  The problem?  Every time I see her she has gained another 5-10 pounds.

Now I ask those of you who follow my blog, What is going on in my head?

I had a apple for breakfast and plan on having an orange for lunch.  Yes, I know.  Probably anna popping her nasty little head up again but I am overweight.  I have to get some pounds off and do it the healthy way.  It is just too easy to fall back into old habits.  I don't want to put myself in a position that I would have to consider gastric bypass surgery.  There are too many risks.

Can I loose 40 pounds and do it the healthy way?  Yes, I will still be a healthy weight with that much of a loss.  Like I said, I am over weight right now.  Lets see if I can cut calories  move more and not let anna take control of my life.

My plan for the week is to do P90X 3 days and cardio 3 days.

Thanksgiving Tears Explained

Every year, when we put up the Christmas tree, I start snapping at the kids.  I know why now.

The kids are excited like kids will be about the tree coming in the house and the decorations going up.  The are chatty, asking questions and arguing about the best position of their favorite ornaments.  There are a few ornaments that mean more to me than the others.  One is a little fireplace that is from our very first Christmas as a family.  The other one that is meaningful is a little glass angel.  We purchased it in a little Christmas village the year I lost one my babies.  I was only 7 weeks along but I had been so sure that this one was going to stick.  I had already lost 3 when I got pregnant one more time.  I felt so good, until the cramping started.

That was around Thanksgiving in 1996.  I still mourn for my lost little one and when I put that little angel on the tree, it hurts.  I need just a moment to compose myself.  Quiet for just a few minutes to blink back the tears and say a little prayer.

Oh but wait a minute.  I have 3 kids crowded around me decorating the tree.  They are excited and can't wait for the presents to appear.  I ask to be left alone for few minutes and it doesn't happen.  Nonsense questions come rapid fire.  An argument and tug of war with a delicate ornament.  My temper gets out of control and things get worse from there.

After all these years I finally understand.  I know what sets everything into motion.  Next year, I will know to retreat to the bedroom for a few minutes.

Problem solved.

Not this year.  This year I had a full melt down.  But next year I will know.

Happy Thanksgiving

 Happy Thanksgiving!

Dragon is putting the turkey in the smoker again this year.  Last time he did that, we has a large charcoal brick.  Not yummy at all.  I hope it turns out better this year.  I have all the boxes out of the living room finally.    Mina helped me move them out yesterday.  I emptied 3 and moved 4 to the garage. No room for it in the house.  Latter, I am going to take one box at a time in the garage and either find a place for the stuff or get rid of it.  

Time to get out my little Christmas village and put up the artificial tree.  I am allergic to real trees but we will get one to go on the porch latter.  I found the stand yesterday.  It is already put together and waiting where I want the tree. 

It is nice to do normal things with the family.  My SIL asked what our plans were.  We forgot that we are close to family again.  We always just do our own thing.  Oops.  We are going to have a huge family gathering Sunday.  That takes the pressure off everyone.  

Back to Normal?

Maybe…..

What a time to start getting back to normal.  Just in time for the chaos of the holiday season.   Yesterday Dragon made me take a break.  He took me to the garage.  The look on his face left no doubt in my mind what he was going to do.  He was going to spank me and nothing I could say would change his mind. 

A padded step puts my bottom at the right height to use the table saw for support.  Dragon stood behind me and lowered my pants.  Just when I thought I would get to keep my panties, those slid down too.  The garage was cool and I started to shiver just a little. 

You know I am not allowed to use some words.  Not EVER and as a lady, I don’t like using it anyway.  But in this case I have to.  There is on other word to describe what came next.  He F@#%ed me with his fingers.  Built the pleasure with pain and a sense of violation.  He used his hand hard and fast.  There was no doubt in my mind that pleasure was not his purpose.  Getting his smart mouthed wife back into a submissive state of mind is why we went to the garage to begin with.  Not sex or pleasure. 

Without any warm up swats, Dragon used the walnut paddle.  He has discovered that the sit spot hurts more than the fuller, padded part of my back side.  Unfortunate for me, that is where most of the swats fell.  He exchanged the paddle for his belt.  I could not stay in place.  No way.  That belt HURT.  Then came the snake.  A relatively short flogger made out of dense, hard leather.  I call it the snake because that thing has a bite.  Wowchy. 

It wasn't a punishment.  As I stood up, I couldn't figure out what it was.  Maintenance?  Stress relief?  Re-connection?  I think it was a little of all three. 

Last night, I slept in my new bloomers at his request.  As soon as I got under the covers, his hand cupped my sex.  Every time I woke up, his hand was still there.  Just holding me.  It was a simple act but very erotic. 

I don’t know if it was the spanking or how he held me last night that did it.  Both?  But I am SOOOO hungry right now and NOT for food.  I used the hitochi to try to easy the ache but it did no good.  My body wants his touch.  Would you believe that I am craving a repeat of the scene in the garage?  Fingers, paddle, belt, flogger and all. 

I think he will be happy to know that I am miserable today.  It is a common side effect of TTWD.  It keeps him on track for months at a time.  Does he like it when I am miserable?  I think he does. 

Time to get busy.  The rest of our family decided to draw names this year.  Oh but no one will have to spend as much money that way.   Hmmm.  Since I rarely send individual gifts at Christmas, only one family gift per household, that doesn't work out so good for us.  6 gifts when we don’t even have money to get our kids gifts.  Uggg.   Let’s just say that my sewing room will be busy for the next two weeks making gifts.   Today I am helping my youngest daughter make an apron for my sister in law.  We are using remnants I have left over from other projects.  This one is a no cost gift!  Hey I like those!  

Liebster Award?

Not sure what it is but Emi nominated my little blog.  The rules say to copy and past the photo.  With limited bandwidth I will have to pass on that.  Share 11 things about myself and pass this on to 11 blogs?  That I can do.

11 things about me.  Hmmm
1.  People comment on how Dragon and I look at each other.  The love shows in our eyes.
2.  My favorite date is a picnic in the park
3.  My second favorite date is the symphony.  I love beautiful music.
4.  I turned my hobby into a business   Sewing!
5.  I love making beautiful things with fabric.
6.  Most of my friends have 4 feet and fur.
7.  My husband is the only thing that keeps me from going vegetarian   . I don't like meat.
8.  I love going to the gym.  I feel so relaxed after a good workout
9.  Any day I get to spend with my family is a good day
10. I can't be around any type of perfume our air freshener.  My asthma is that bad.
11.  I am allergic to my pets but I think that is what antihistamines were made for.

Now for Emi's questions.

1. What is your favorite genre of music? Country.  I had to learn how to like it being married to Dragon.  

2. Do you like Horror movies? Why or why not? Sometimes.  It depends on the movie.  Nothing bloody. 

3. How old were you when you had your "first kiss?" 17 at a school dance

4. Do you prefer sweet snacks or salty? Salty Combine salt with chocolate and I am in heaven

5. What was your most memorable vacation ever? (where and why) Disney world.  It was my honeymoon.

6. Have you even performed on stage for any reason? Not since elementary school.  

7. Have you ever won a contest? If I did, I can't remember it.  

8. Did you love or hate your high school years? Hated them.  

9. Spanko or spankNO? SPANKO!

10. Do you read spanking fiction? some.  Most if it is poorly written.  

11. What is the weirdest implement you've been spanked with? ("H" whacked me once with a red licorice vine! Ouch!) A whisk.  It didn't hurt but made a funmy sound. 


Now for my 11 blogs
1.Finding Sara, Her blog was one of the first blogs I followed.  Her story has touched my heart
2. A Domestic Discipline Society  I love reading blogs written by men and this one is willing to call it how it is with other blogs.  LOVE IT
3.  New life in DD  Thanks you for sharing your story Bas!  Even if all of us ladies make you feel out numbered!  
4. Florida Dom's Corner.    Again with the male perspective.  Although his is mostly kink.
5. Old fashioned Marriage.  Not sure what I think about this blog yet but I'll add it as another male authored blog.  Some men take DD into the realm of abuse.  Not sure how far he goes.   
6. Mick and Lynda's Place  Watching their family grow up has been an adventure.
7.  faerie learns to fly she has made me brave enough to try giving a blow job again.  Nope, still can't do it.
8.  Her Mischief managed
9. The dish with ward and june.  I like this blog because both of them post.
10 Life under a firm hand
11. Emi, I know it is against the rules but yes, I nominate your blog too.