The Envelope

Just before the thanksgiving holiday rush began, I asked Dragon to tuffen up just a little.  I reminded him the holidays are always hard for me and I need him now more than ever.

He agreed

What was I thinking?  He is already strict enough.  I am one of the lucky ones.  Naturally submissive and easily disciplined.  All it takes is a look from him to bring me back in line, most of the time.  However, he has slipped over the last few months.  He finished his degree and the classes took up most of his time.   The kids took up the rest of our time.  There was nothing left for us.  

When his schedule filled, ttwd was one on many things that were put aside.  He is slowly getting things back on track but I am still falling.  We had discussed non spanking punishments before but decided that they weren’t needed.  They are now possibilities.  For punishment as well as pre-emptive.  Not sure if or when he is going to use them but they are now officially in the tool box.

Something else new is the envelope.  Some days he will tell me to take an envelope to be opened at a specific time.  In the envelope will be a task designed to put me an obedient, submissive state of mind.  What will the task be?  I will find out when you do.   I’m kinda nervous.   My imagination has to be worse than the reality.  Doesn't it?


Here goes nothing.  I just got a call to open the first envelope.


Opening the very first one…..


The slip of paper is in my hand….


On no….  The plug.   Yep.  That will put me is a submissive state of mind.

What was i thinking?  Next time I'll  have to remember NOT to think at all.

Hanging of the Green....one year latter

I can’t believe it.  My little blog turns one year old Monday.  I looked back at my very first post and it is about our annual tradition.  “Hanging of the Green”  We drag the rubber maid boxes out of the garage one by one and decorate for Christmas.


In years past this has been a disaster.  I always fall apart.  You see, Monday is also an anniversary of a different sort.  It is the date of my fourth miscarriage.   I carried This baby longer than I had the other three.  I thought this one would be ok but something just felt wrong.  Then the bleeding started.  It was late so we raced to the ER.  The baby was ok for a little while.  I was put on bed rest.  Three days latter.  November 28, the cramping returned.  This felt more like child birth.  I could time the contractions.  I lost the baby on the morning of the 29th.


We nearly gave up.  He could see how much I was hurting.  So much that I was incapable of seeing his pain.  He never wanted to see me in that much pain ever again.  I think I know why I couldn’t stay pregnant for more than 8 weeks.  I was too thin.  The human body needs body fat to maintain a pregnancy and I had very little.  In my sadness, I quit moving.  I ate when I was told, moved only when I had to.  I gained 20 pounds.  WOW.  That brought my weight up to a whopping 115 lbs.  But it was enough.  This time I didn’t loose the baby and in blogland I call her pooh bear.


This year, we did things a little different.  Instead of me doing all the decorating with a little help, I stood at the box of neatly packaged ornaments, unwrapped them and as I handed them to the kids told them where it needed to go.  The living room looks like it was decorated by a bunch of kids.  That is ok.  No temper tantrums from me.  No tears.  We actually had fun!


WOW!  What a concept!  Fun over the holiday weekend!  Who would have thought?


Toward the end of the day, Dragons temper began to slip.  I could see the pain in his eyes.  I pulled him aside and we talked.


“Thank you Jimminy Cricket, I needed that.”


Who ever thought I would be a Cricket?  That is what he calls me when I quietly let him know he is getting off track.


The rest of the evening was nice.  The dishes were done, the living room straitened and we all cuddled on the couch to watch a Movie.   Just before bed I read two chapters in “Christmas Jars”    This long weekend has been nice.  Did TTWD do it?  Or something else?  I’m not sure.

Happy Thanksgiving! ! !

Wishing you and yours a very Happy Thanksgiving! ! !

The turkey is in the oven.  The final few dishes are being prepared.  My kids are watching the Macy's day parade.  Life is good.  My family is together!  As my children get older I find that I appreciate every moment with them more and more.   Time goes by in a blur of memories.

Enjoy your day and hug the ones you love! ! !   Make sure they know how much you truly do love them!

P is for what?

This blog is brought to you today by the letter P and the letter M.


Yes, I messed up.  I messed up in a very big way and dropped the F bomb.  I received a little mercy.  I didn’t get the punishment I dearly deserved.  You know the story.


Saturday, I knew the punishment had to happen but it was a very busy day.   Between sports activities there was no time for us.  When we finally got home we both fell in bed with no pillow talk.


Sunday, I admitted to him that I needed that punishment.  The guilt was eating away at my heart.  We slept late and had a lot of pillow talk before we got the kids out of bed.  He knew I was struggling.  He knew I needed the P that should have happened and planned to deliver it latter in the day.  Latter Sunday didn’t happen, asthma did.


Monday.  Work, late night game, huge fire in a neighboring city.  No time for P and when there was, we were both tired and I had another asthma attack.


Tuesday, even with grocery shopping after practice, we were home earlier than usual.  A quick and easy supper was fixed.  I read, a family tradition this time of the year.  I was expecting P as in punishment but it turned into pampering.

I walked into the bedroom and heard the water running in the tub.  The scent of lavender and chamomile filled the room.  BUBBLE BATH! ! ! !   I soaked and relaxed.  As the water was cooling I shaved my legs.  Easier done in the bath than the shower.  When I was ready for bed, I crawled in beside Dragon.


He gathered the floggers and told me to take off my shirt.  I rearranged the pillows and positioned myself for a long flogging.   The tails felt like leather rain.  Heaven at first.  Gentile, relaxing.  I almost went to sleep.  Then he brought out the one I call “Snake.”  That thing is wicked.  It BITES.  As in, it has a wicked sting.  Thankfully, he didn’t use it very long.


When he put snake down I thought he was done.  I was beyond relaxed and ready to sleep the night away.  No such luck.  He pulled my panties down and picked up one of our many paddles.  No idea which one.  I can usually tell which one he is using but not last night.


At first it was just a series of gentile taps.  He drummed out a tune on my backside.  Slowly the swats got harder until I felt him throw his leg across mine.  If you think that is a bad sign, you are absolutely right.  He held me down and told me to burry my head in the pillow.  The paddle fell again and again.  It hurt so bad.  I kept trying to get away but his leg held me firmly in place.

I asked, “was that a Punishment?


No, those were memory swats.


What are memory swats?


Swats that you will remember tomorrow.


Oh.


Vocabulary lesson learned.


P is for Pampered wife and for punishment.    But… Not at the same time


M is not for maintenance.  It is for Memory swats.


Yep, I remember them this morning.  My sore backside won’t let me forget.

To Confess or not to Confess (update)

Yes, I know I have to do it.  I have to tell him I dropped the F bomb.  OHHHHH I hate that word.  Why did I ever say it?  I had every right to be angry and frustrated but not to be cruel.   That was our very first rule under DD.  And strictly enforced.


I don’t want to tell him.  Hide it and feel guilty or confess?


I’ll confess.  Putting the computer down to do it right now.


Oh no.  He is pointing and looks mad.  Be back latter to finish this.  Maybe.


Latter now….


Dragon knows me.  He had my sewing on the table.  He wanted me to work.  That was all.  Do what he knows I love to do.  He knows that always calms my mind and brings piece to my heart.  I went to my sewing chair and when he came in the room, I closed the door for privacy.  It is a sliding glass door.  Not much of a barrier but it let us talk without being overheard.


I confessed and we had a LONG talk about kids.  The two oldest are slipping.  Sneaking around, not following the rules and not getting school work done.  We discussed what to do about it.  I grounded Bear and told her how to get un-grounded.  With the oldest, Amber, we are going to take a tuff love stand.  We have to.  She has to know that there are standards.  She needs to figure out what her priorities are.  If they don’t line up with ours, she needs to find a new home.  I won’t allow her to mooch off of us.  I won’t be walked on.


Consequences for the F bomb?  No idea.  I think we are both a little too upset right now.  I am sure there is a P in my future.  Tonight.  I’m worried but mostly just about the kids.  I know Dragon will be fair.

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Ok




So….. I got tired of waiting and finnaly asked around 8:30.


Me:  Do I get a hall pass?


Him:  For what?


Me:  (dang, why didn’t I just keep my fool mouth shut?)  For what I said earlier.


Him:  Ohhhh  that.  Do you deserve a hall pass?


Me: Can I plead the 5th?


Him:  I already know the answer.  I want to hear you say it.


Me: (dang I’m an idiot)  No, I don’t deserve one.


Him:  Tonight isn’t a good time for a punishment.  I won’t spank you during an asthma attack and I am not going to let this carry over for a day or two.  You get your hall pass but you don’t deserve one.  Not for this.

I hate to admit it, Dragon is right.

Not sure if I am relived or not.  Here is hoping he doesn’t read this entry.  I know I am relieved that he hasn’t thought of writing lines or corner time.  As much as I hate asthma, it did get me a hall pass tonight.

Dang

Dragon is snoring and I didn’t get my needed stress relief.   This is a no spanking night.


I am recovering from the worst asthma attack I have had in over a year.  Six.  Yes you read that right SIX hits of albuterol latter, I am shaking like a meth addict but breathing easier.


Here is hoping I don’t loose my temper tomorrow.  Fingers crossed and the paddles are right by the bed.  Lined up and ready for him to use.  I’m worried.


Asthma sucks.

Blogland

Blogland is a great place.  I can be open about a part of my life I have to keep hidden from everyone in Real life.  I can admit I’m kinky, whine about getting punished and ask for help with DD.  Here I meet other people who share my lifestyle.   People who don’t think it is weird that I am a submissive wife or that my husband spanks my butt when I break a rule.


It is a place I can be me.   I am not politically correct in real life or on line.  The things I say sometimes makes people mad.  And they leave my little corner of blogland.  I have been called hostile for asking a question and calling bull.  Well you know.  If it comes out of the south end of north bound bull, it isn’t a rose.  It is bull poop.    That is fine.  You don’t like my blog.  I don’t write for the reader.  I started this blog for me.  Pure selfish reasons.  I think it shows


There is just one HUGE problem with Blogland.


Just one.


I will probably never meet my blog friends.  They will forever remain in blogland.  That makes me sad.  There are so many of you I would love to meet.  Too many to list.  I am afraid I would leave someone out and feelings would get hurt (my lame attempt at political correctness)   Yes, I’ll call it a fail.  I’m not very good at being PC.  Not in my nature at all.


Just a note here.  If I ever do by chance meet you out in the real world, don’t ask me if your outfit makes your butt look fat.  I will be honest and tell you no, your butt makes your butt look fat.