Food

Food seems to be my enemy.  Every time I eat I get sick.  If I eat the whole foods I love I'm fine but nothing processed.  The only common food we could come up with was bread. 

I feel like I am following a fad but I am trying to go gluten free for a few weeks to see if it helps. 

Things I have discovered
* Gluten free bread is nasty
* Gluten free does not mean allergen free
   (The breakfasts muffins gave me hives)
* Gluten is in more foods than I realized.
* Reading every label is a pain in the backside.

Don't know if it is working or not.  I'm still finding gluten in food after I eat it. Oops

Another food we can try to eliminate is soy.  That one is even harder but we are trying soy first. 

* it is helpful to list foods I can have.
*  If I list foods I can't have, I start feeling deprived. 

Fingers crossed. We need answers.

You Didn't!

I thought my buns were toasted.  Dragon is still on top!

I love working out.  It is hard to start back after I have been down for a while but it feels good to see even slow improvement.  It is hard to take things slow but everything hurts.  Even just walking. 

One day this week I thought it would be a good idea to make that new start.  The problem is that it was one of the busiest days of the week.  Rest in the morning so I can run kids all over town in the evening. 

All I said was that I thought about walking on the treadmill and Dragon came back with, "You did what?"

It took 5 minutes for him to take a long enough pause is his lecture to figure out I didn't actually do it. 

Exercising without permission is now on the short list of things Dragon has chosen as spanking offences.  Cussing and seatbelt use are on that very short list.  So is eating regular meals. 

Over doing it on a workout is also on his short life. 

I wonder how long the list will have to be before he stops calling it a "short list"?

A few light taps with the paddle just to make sure I was taking him seriously. "No, I'm not punishing you this time but I think you aren't taking your health seriously.  However I know you WILL take the paddle seriously." 

 I think I will definitely be asking for permission before I get on the treadmill.  I will be very careful about lifting weights and taking things slow. 

I love sexy spankings.  I don't even mind the occasional attitude adjustment swats.  But I REALLY don't want a punishment. Ouch.  I'll pass

Staying in Place

I forget between spankings how hard it is to stay in place.  Dragon usually starts out with a few light swats. They sting but not bad.  Those are easy.  If only it could stay like that.

When the swats get harder I struggle.  It doesn't matter what kind of spanking it is.  Punishment, stress relief or pleasure.  Numbered or not.  The harder swats make me wiggle. Several hard swats in the same spot and I call yellow.  If it is bad enough I have been known to call red even for a punishment.

Yes.  I know it is supposed to hurt.  Sometimes I just need a chance to catch my breath.  Calling red stops everything immediately but doesn't end the spanking.  Especially if it is a punishment.

Dragon doesn't usually let me up.  He rubs my back and talks to me.  Tries to find out what is wrong.  He takes the opportunity to explain his actions and asks me to submit.  When he is sure I'm okay he continues.

Yes, I like to be spanked.
Yes, I need to be TiH
Yes, I love what it does to my head
Yes, I love what it does for my marriage

But it sure is hard to stay still.  To submit fully to hard swats.  .

I hope the weather warms up soon.  It is cold in the garage even with the fire going.  We don't want to spend an hour out there playing.  Winter sessions are hard and fast.  I think swats hurt more on a cold backside.

Ps.  With a spanking nearly every day this week my backside is bruised.  Lightly but the marks are there.  Today he took aim at the back of my thighs.  Ouch.  That was a new experience.  Sit spot and below. 

The Spanking Effect

I'm in my 40s.  I forget just where but the change has been giving me grief.  One effect is ZERO sex drive.  Nothing turns me on. 

Except one thing. 

Spanking

Dragon brought me to tears with a mild spanking.  It has been so long since we have had regular visits to the garage that things are a bit sensitive.  Most of the swats had a good sting to them. 

I called RED. 

I NEVER call red but I did that night.  Just when things should have started feeling good.

It turned me on.

Nothing else has worked.  Petting, toys, pillow talk.  I was interested but not with the heat I felt in the past. 

After just two trips to the garage I can't get enough.

The spankings weren't the gentle giggly kind.  They weren't the hot sexy kind.  Nor were they punishments.  Simply down to earth, let's get this done and go warm up in the house.  The second session even found a few bruises I didn't know about.  Right cheek and right sit spot.  He tends to favor one side. 

We have been talking about things we haven't tried.  Edge play we haven't been brave enough for.  Even things we have done in the past but forgot about. 

Tomorrow morning we will be back in the garage.  A cold front is pushing in.  Even though my bottom feels sunburned, it won't leave a lasting impression.  One more session before it gets miserable cold again. 

Good night.  Dragon is making this difficult. 

Numbers

Dragon doesn't usually start with a number in mind.  Even the kind of warm up I get depends on my reactions.  There is no warm up for a punishment but even then he doesn't start out full force. 

He gives me a number when things start to get serious. I need to see the end in sight to take the hard swats.  The ones that bring tears to my eyes. Up to 5 at a time.  He can go softer for a few swats them give 5 more hard swats but I panic if he tries to give them all at once.  Giving me a number doesn't signal the end of the spanking. 

The short reprieve lets him judge how I'm doing.  Dragon always starts out with a goal.  Tears, lasting marks, stress relief, sub space or reconnection.  Yes, a paddle on my backside can do all of those things and much more.  My backside is a reset button that gives Dragon the power to manipulate my head. 

Strange I know

We have a wood stove out in the garage now but it couldn't keep up with this last cold front.  Not even with extra space heaters.  That's okay.  With highs in the mid 50s we can get back out there.  Silent spankings are miserable. 
 

Venting

Yes.  Here it goes again.  Why?  This is the only place I can.

My mil lures you in with sweetness, love and affection.  She is kind, giving and generous.

Until she isn't any more. 

One little miss step and it is on. 

She uses your insecurities against you.  Her middle daughter is belemic.  Not spelled right but you get the idea.  She has a new husband and moved to a new city.  Her asthma has gotten bad again.  Instead of bling the new environment, she blames her daughter's weight gain.  For the first time ever she actually looks healthy but no.  She had to put her daughter right back into crisis mode just months after her husband got her eating habits on track. 

The witch did the same thing to me but the problem is that it backfired. 

Her daughters grovel to make up.  Her son gave her an ultimatum back in '99.  Accept my wife or have nothing to do with me or my family. 

Looks like she made her choice. 

I never made the connection but I have now.  That is what abusers do.  They do something nasty and make you feel like it is your fault.  That you deserve what you got. 

That is what she does.

Not anymore.  She took her anger out on my kids.  Never again.  She thrives on the pity she gets as a result of her own actions.  I refuse to be part of it. 

Undignified Positions

Sometime around 2004 Dragon spanked me for the very first time.  He guided me across his lap, angling my torso so that my head rested on the pillow.  He used his hand and stopped long before I was ready.  That day Dragon became an official spanko and I seem to be positioned with my backside in the air more and more. 

Standing with my elbows on the bed for a very quiet but painful reminder to behave. Oh I hate the cane.  Even just a light tap makes me want to scream.  I hold the pillow in my fist with my face pressed into it.  Using a quiet implement is pointless if my screams can be heard.

Leaned over the back of a chair, hands placed on the seat.  Dragon likes this position for punishments. Backside high.  Toes just brushing the floor.  It isn't comfortable and leaves me feeling very exposed.  That is probably the point. 

Leaning over the Roman chair with my knees resting comfortably on an old piano bench.  When he puts me in this position, I know I'm going to be there for a while.  Long slow warm up that builds slowly.  Supported so that I don't fall as I drop into sub-space.   He also uses that sit up bench for flogging. 

Last but not least!  On my knees with my head on the bed. He likes to view his handiwork while he takes his pleasure. 

Unless he is in a very vanilla mood, that is how I end up.  I have created a monster.

Tears

I spent the last week of '17 crying more than I did in the entire year.  My pup was hurt and had to be put down.  It took me several days to make the decision.  Days spent in tears.  I know I made the right decision for her but not for me. 

Dragon decided that I had spent enough time moping and had a plan to change my outlook on the day.  He took out the glass toys and did a very good job of distracting me! 

He turned me into a rag doll before he even thought about take his pleasure.

Last year ended with tears but the New Year began with a smile.  Unfortunately we are having some very cold weather and the garage is closed for business.  No spankings unless I earn a really bad punishment.  I try my very best to avoid those!  Hopefully there aren't any in the near future.