Me! I have changed!
I was a shy girl who wouldn't defend herself. Turn the other cheek was drilled into my young brain. No matter what, don't fight. Take it and just walk away.
I took a lot of crap in school because of that. Punished at school, get worse at home. Nothing the bullies could do would make me react. Not even tears.
I'm not that girl any more.
While Dragon was military, I stood toe to toe with anyone who didn't give me my way. Chief, first sergeant or commander. It didn't matter. I was always polite. I was always respectful but they knew what I thought!
But still. I never tried to defend myself. Not ever. I couldn't hit a living, breathing person. I couldn't hurt another person even if they were trying to hurt me.
That has changed!
In the last few months I discovered that I am still afraid of my ex husband. Very afraid and with good reason.
Little shy me is learning how to fight! Dragon is teaching me how to punch. How to get out of holds. How to deal with a gun or a knife. I can do this!
Some change is good. I will not be afraid of a coward.
Sunday, July 31, 2016
Thursday, July 28, 2016
Rules
Dragon only has two that he enforces. They both relate to the 4 Rd.
1. Obviously cussing. It is why DD began. Our marriage nearly ended thanks to the military and a drug called larium. In the struggle to keep it together my mouth got a little dirty.
2. This is the one I really struggle with. Seatbelt use.
I just forget to put it on. I know it is dangerous. In another lifetime I was a paramedic! Why do I keep forgetting?
I am lucky Dragon doesn't really want to punish me.
If the warning bell dings, I get swats. Dragon usually tells me in a gentle voice to put it on. He tells me before the truck gets going fast enough to trigger the warning.
Love my man.
1. Obviously cussing. It is why DD began. Our marriage nearly ended thanks to the military and a drug called larium. In the struggle to keep it together my mouth got a little dirty.
2. This is the one I really struggle with. Seatbelt use.
I just forget to put it on. I know it is dangerous. In another lifetime I was a paramedic! Why do I keep forgetting?
I am lucky Dragon doesn't really want to punish me.
If the warning bell dings, I get swats. Dragon usually tells me in a gentle voice to put it on. He tells me before the truck gets going fast enough to trigger the warning.
Love my man.
Monday, July 25, 2016
weight Loss
If you have followed my blog, you know that the last 12 months have been insane. Dragon in a PTSD crisis. My oldest daughter raped and pregnant. Add drug addiction into the crazy mix and all of it has turned me into a stress ball.
Some people would turn to food for comfort. I turned to fitness, weight lifting and of course spanking when I can get it.
The results so far? 20+ pounds lost. Lots of fat melted off my body and muscle gain.
That's good. Right?
The problem? My favorite dresses are too BIG! I'll keep wearing them until I am able to replace them with more cute dresses. Even the clothes I bought this spring are baggy.
I am sad to say goodbye to some of my favorite outfits but I don't want all that weight back.
Right now I am searching for a new gym. I got spoiled with a larger better equipped gym when I was out of town. Now my little gym just seems lacking. Two benches in the free weight area is not enough.
Some people would turn to food for comfort. I turned to fitness, weight lifting and of course spanking when I can get it.
The results so far? 20+ pounds lost. Lots of fat melted off my body and muscle gain.
That's good. Right?
The problem? My favorite dresses are too BIG! I'll keep wearing them until I am able to replace them with more cute dresses. Even the clothes I bought this spring are baggy.
I am sad to say goodbye to some of my favorite outfits but I don't want all that weight back.
Right now I am searching for a new gym. I got spoiled with a larger better equipped gym when I was out of town. Now my little gym just seems lacking. Two benches in the free weight area is not enough.
Saturday, July 16, 2016
Road Rage
Yep, I have an issue with road rage. Just a small one but if people wouldn't drive like F@$#ing idiots....
I was driving home from the mall. A truck flew up on my bumper, flashed his lights, whipped around me and nearly clipping my bumper.
Traffic was heavy. It was 4:30 and already traffic on the toll road was stopped. The service road was moving slowly.
That fool scared the crap out of me and I let everyone in the car know.
"F@$#ing idiot! Did you see that? F@$#er needs to learn how to f@$#ing drive. "
A little overboard? Did I mention that Dragon was on speaker phone? How about this part, it has become a habit.
He threatened to spank my backside! Lectured me right then and there! Here I am trying to navigate city traffic getting lectured! Yipes.
I should have accepted the punishment. After all I did deserve it. Road Rage and cussing are both against the rules. Somehow I managed to talk my way out of it.
Now I am dealing with guilt....
So is life
I was driving home from the mall. A truck flew up on my bumper, flashed his lights, whipped around me and nearly clipping my bumper.
Traffic was heavy. It was 4:30 and already traffic on the toll road was stopped. The service road was moving slowly.
That fool scared the crap out of me and I let everyone in the car know.
"F@$#ing idiot! Did you see that? F@$#er needs to learn how to f@$#ing drive. "
A little overboard? Did I mention that Dragon was on speaker phone? How about this part, it has become a habit.
He threatened to spank my backside! Lectured me right then and there! Here I am trying to navigate city traffic getting lectured! Yipes.
I should have accepted the punishment. After all I did deserve it. Road Rage and cussing are both against the rules. Somehow I managed to talk my way out of it.
Now I am dealing with guilt....
So is life
Thursday, July 14, 2016
A Much Needed Spanking
Dragon agreed that I needed some stress relief and that a good spanking was the best way to get it. He finally did the deed.
Out in the garage he set up the camp cot. Shirt off, he told me to lay down on my tummy. First came an electrifying flogging with the violet wand and the mylar flogger. Pin pricks of sensation across my back. When I couldn't handle any more of that he got out the paddle.
Before the first swat he secured my hands above my head. No protecting my bottom this time. Then things started to heat up fast. A few times I asked for a break. It was intense. Just when I was sure the spanking was over, he took off his belt. Usually he goes easy with the belt. No such luck. The swats came hard and fast. It didn't take long for me to start panicking.
He stopped, figured out what was wrong, calmed me down and started with the paddle again. The warm up was long over. These weren't gentle taps. These were full swing swats. Every time one connected my hands strained at the ropes, my body lifted off the cot and a soft squeak left my mouth. I couldn't stay still.
When my bottom felt like it was on fire he put the paddle down, released my hands and massaged my burning posterior. There was no room for anything else. No stress. Just sensation and sub space.
I am still feeling it today.
Out in the garage he set up the camp cot. Shirt off, he told me to lay down on my tummy. First came an electrifying flogging with the violet wand and the mylar flogger. Pin pricks of sensation across my back. When I couldn't handle any more of that he got out the paddle.
Before the first swat he secured my hands above my head. No protecting my bottom this time. Then things started to heat up fast. A few times I asked for a break. It was intense. Just when I was sure the spanking was over, he took off his belt. Usually he goes easy with the belt. No such luck. The swats came hard and fast. It didn't take long for me to start panicking.
He stopped, figured out what was wrong, calmed me down and started with the paddle again. The warm up was long over. These weren't gentle taps. These were full swing swats. Every time one connected my hands strained at the ropes, my body lifted off the cot and a soft squeak left my mouth. I couldn't stay still.
When my bottom felt like it was on fire he put the paddle down, released my hands and massaged my burning posterior. There was no room for anything else. No stress. Just sensation and sub space.
I am still feeling it today.
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
my BIG mouth
I have been fascinated by glass and metal toys for some time. We have one glass toy that almost looks like beads. It has an interesting sensation. But it is just for short term play. The hook can be worn for a long period of time but it isn't exactly discrete.
Last week I opened my big mouth. I told Dragon that a stay in place plug would be interesting. That I found the thought erotic.
Guess what?
He came home with an Icicle plug. At 1 3/4in diameter, it is BIG. Dragon used it for the second time this morning and let's just say that I am still feeling the effects. Once the head is all the way in, it isn't that bad. It is just the stretch to get it in and latter, the sting to remove it that is the problem.
I think Dragon likes thinking about that monster plug moving in my body as I fold the laundry, make the bed and move around the house.
Sitting is done gently. No worries about forgetting about that monster plug inserted so discreetly in my backside.
I do have to admit that chores are much more interesting with that thing in place. By the time I was done, I was hot and bothered that I had to have relief. Dragon was happy to accommodate.
He has his eye on a metal plug that was much smaller. I think I like that idea.
Last week I opened my big mouth. I told Dragon that a stay in place plug would be interesting. That I found the thought erotic.
Guess what?
He came home with an Icicle plug. At 1 3/4in diameter, it is BIG. Dragon used it for the second time this morning and let's just say that I am still feeling the effects. Once the head is all the way in, it isn't that bad. It is just the stretch to get it in and latter, the sting to remove it that is the problem.
I think Dragon likes thinking about that monster plug moving in my body as I fold the laundry, make the bed and move around the house.
Sitting is done gently. No worries about forgetting about that monster plug inserted so discreetly in my backside.
I do have to admit that chores are much more interesting with that thing in place. By the time I was done, I was hot and bothered that I had to have relief. Dragon was happy to accommodate.
He has his eye on a metal plug that was much smaller. I think I like that idea.
Tuesday, July 12, 2016
Sleeping Nude
Dragon loves it when I sleep nude and honestly, I prefer to. The feel of the cotton sheets against my bare skin is exquisite. My body is absolutely available to Dragon without barriers. And sleeping nude, I don't get overheated. No waking up soaked in sweat.
It has so many advantages.
Last night I got so frustrated with my gown. It was uncomfortable. My panties were already on the bed side table. I just couldn't tolerate clothes any more. It felt so nice to just slip between the sheets and relax.
But you know it couldn't last. Right? Life had to remind me why I don't sleep in the nude.
Knock knock knock
Oh crap. A kid in need.
We have had a problem with red wasps this year. Not a big deal unless everyone is allergic to the nasty things. My daughter stepped on one in the kitchen. She usually has a level 3 reaction. Epi pens usually aren't necessary but the rule is to not be alone until the reaction eases.
Ice, benadryl, tobacco and comfort as each symptom hits hard. Swelling, redness, wheezing, itchy hives. Zantac is added to do what the benadryl can't.
Time.
She has a sore foot and I remembered why I don't sleep in the nude. No matter how nice it feels, it is very hard to dress quickly when you are half asleep.
It was a good try. Oh well.
It has so many advantages.
Last night I got so frustrated with my gown. It was uncomfortable. My panties were already on the bed side table. I just couldn't tolerate clothes any more. It felt so nice to just slip between the sheets and relax.
But you know it couldn't last. Right? Life had to remind me why I don't sleep in the nude.
Knock knock knock
Oh crap. A kid in need.
We have had a problem with red wasps this year. Not a big deal unless everyone is allergic to the nasty things. My daughter stepped on one in the kitchen. She usually has a level 3 reaction. Epi pens usually aren't necessary but the rule is to not be alone until the reaction eases.
Ice, benadryl, tobacco and comfort as each symptom hits hard. Swelling, redness, wheezing, itchy hives. Zantac is added to do what the benadryl can't.
Time.
She has a sore foot and I remembered why I don't sleep in the nude. No matter how nice it feels, it is very hard to dress quickly when you are half asleep.
It was a good try. Oh well.
Monday, July 11, 2016
Fear
The stress of the law two months finally reached the boiling point. Dragon didn't realize that he was pushing to hard. He didn't realize that I have been holding on by my bloody fingernails.
Dragon has been puzzled by my obsession with self defense classes. Now he knows why.
Six weeks away from him and the kids. Six weeks spent with people who hate me. (Funny thing, the things they hate me for aren't true)
If that wasn't enough my daughter told me that my meth head ex husband was seen in town. The man wants me dead. He has tried to kill me multiple times. I slept with my hand on a loaded gun. I walked with my head on a swivel. Hyper aware of everyone around me.
I got to spend a few weeks home and then we had to go right back. More fear. More stress.
The shootings in Dallas. More fear. Fire fighters and EMTs told not to wear their badges.
I just got tired of being afraid.
Dragon pushed me and got frustrated when I resisted. He didn't understand. It was just a small thing but on top of everything else? It pushed me to the breaking point. I cried in public. I NEVER CRY IN PUBLIC!
Dragon finally understands.
One good stress relief spanking later, I feel a little better. And Dragon understands my obsession with martial arts.
Dragon has been puzzled by my obsession with self defense classes. Now he knows why.
Six weeks away from him and the kids. Six weeks spent with people who hate me. (Funny thing, the things they hate me for aren't true)
If that wasn't enough my daughter told me that my meth head ex husband was seen in town. The man wants me dead. He has tried to kill me multiple times. I slept with my hand on a loaded gun. I walked with my head on a swivel. Hyper aware of everyone around me.
I got to spend a few weeks home and then we had to go right back. More fear. More stress.
The shootings in Dallas. More fear. Fire fighters and EMTs told not to wear their badges.
I just got tired of being afraid.
Dragon pushed me and got frustrated when I resisted. He didn't understand. It was just a small thing but on top of everything else? It pushed me to the breaking point. I cried in public. I NEVER CRY IN PUBLIC!
Dragon finally understands.
One good stress relief spanking later, I feel a little better. And Dragon understands my obsession with martial arts.
Saturday, July 9, 2016
Kneeling
Kneeling was once forbidden. Now it is almost a nightly ritual.
After dinner we go out to our little home gym and put on a movie. This is a chance for us to relax and reconnect. No kids at all. About 5 minutes into the movie I move from my chair to the floor at Dragon's feet. I take off my shirt and he removes my bra.
See why we don't allow the kids?
I'm not much of a movie watcher and get distracted by his hands. Yep, every night. I put a thin yoga block between his feet and kneel in front of him.
Kneeling is one of the most submissive positions for me. I kneel for only two reasons. To pray which is a position of submission to God and to show my Dragon that he is indeed my HOH. I don't kneel for BDSM games or in play. Only to show obedience and submission. It is a humbling position. A special one reserved for two purposes.
It was forbidden before because kneeling hurts Dragon and used to be very uncomfortable for me. I wasn't very limber and my thighs protested when I forced them to hold my body in such an unfamiliar position. As my fitness level improved, I got stronger and more flexible. Kneeling started to get more comfortable physically.
One night I showed Dragon. I knelt in front of him. I held the position for nearly an hour without any problems. He figured out that it puts me in a very submissive state of mind and that I can hold the position for long periods of time without harm.
Now kneeling is part of our nightly ritual. I watch most of the movie half nude, kneeling at his feet. Making my body available for him. Exposed to his eyes and his busy fingers. A pinched nipple lets me know when I do something to displease him.
After the movie I move over to the Roman bench. He lowers my pants and panties. I place my torso across the padded platform, displaying my assets for his pleasure. Some days he just inspects the skin, gives me a light swat with his hand and we are done. Most of the time he gives me 2-6 stinging swats with his paddle of choice. If I have had a hard day it can be as many as 30.
Trust me. 30 is plenty. I get up with tears in my eyes. These are usually close to full force. If he gives me a full 30 I know that he is really disappointed in my behavior and always comes with a lecture. On my knees, top half bare, pants and panties lowered to my knees. Bottom bright red and burning. Not a dignified position at all. Very humbling. It gets my attention every time. But still, it isn't a punishment.
With this new way we are doing TTWD I am almost afraid to see what a punishment will look like. But I absolutely trust Dragon. I know that whatever he does will be for my own good.
Tonight I will probably ask for 10 and he will probably increase that number to 15. I need some stress relief. If he ties my hands, I know it is going to be hard. I'll have to wait and see what happens.
For something once forbidden, Dragon sure makes use of the new tool in his arsenal. Who knows. I may end up on my knees with my cherry red backside on full display.
After dinner we go out to our little home gym and put on a movie. This is a chance for us to relax and reconnect. No kids at all. About 5 minutes into the movie I move from my chair to the floor at Dragon's feet. I take off my shirt and he removes my bra.
See why we don't allow the kids?
I'm not much of a movie watcher and get distracted by his hands. Yep, every night. I put a thin yoga block between his feet and kneel in front of him.
Kneeling is one of the most submissive positions for me. I kneel for only two reasons. To pray which is a position of submission to God and to show my Dragon that he is indeed my HOH. I don't kneel for BDSM games or in play. Only to show obedience and submission. It is a humbling position. A special one reserved for two purposes.
It was forbidden before because kneeling hurts Dragon and used to be very uncomfortable for me. I wasn't very limber and my thighs protested when I forced them to hold my body in such an unfamiliar position. As my fitness level improved, I got stronger and more flexible. Kneeling started to get more comfortable physically.
One night I showed Dragon. I knelt in front of him. I held the position for nearly an hour without any problems. He figured out that it puts me in a very submissive state of mind and that I can hold the position for long periods of time without harm.
Now kneeling is part of our nightly ritual. I watch most of the movie half nude, kneeling at his feet. Making my body available for him. Exposed to his eyes and his busy fingers. A pinched nipple lets me know when I do something to displease him.
After the movie I move over to the Roman bench. He lowers my pants and panties. I place my torso across the padded platform, displaying my assets for his pleasure. Some days he just inspects the skin, gives me a light swat with his hand and we are done. Most of the time he gives me 2-6 stinging swats with his paddle of choice. If I have had a hard day it can be as many as 30.
Trust me. 30 is plenty. I get up with tears in my eyes. These are usually close to full force. If he gives me a full 30 I know that he is really disappointed in my behavior and always comes with a lecture. On my knees, top half bare, pants and panties lowered to my knees. Bottom bright red and burning. Not a dignified position at all. Very humbling. It gets my attention every time. But still, it isn't a punishment.
With this new way we are doing TTWD I am almost afraid to see what a punishment will look like. But I absolutely trust Dragon. I know that whatever he does will be for my own good.
Tonight I will probably ask for 10 and he will probably increase that number to 15. I need some stress relief. If he ties my hands, I know it is going to be hard. I'll have to wait and see what happens.
For something once forbidden, Dragon sure makes use of the new tool in his arsenal. Who knows. I may end up on my knees with my cherry red backside on full display.
Thursday, July 7, 2016
Pray
Pray for the officers who were shot.
Pray for the officers who will never go home
Pray for their families they left behind
Pray for officers still trying to end the violence
Pray for the medics and ER staff.
Some of them will never work again
Pray for Dallas.
That this madness ends before more people are hurt.
Pray for our country. It is broken
Pray for the officers who will never go home
Pray for their families they left behind
Pray for officers still trying to end the violence
Pray for the medics and ER staff.
Some of them will never work again
Pray for Dallas.
That this madness ends before more people are hurt.
Pray for our country. It is broken
Saying I Love You
Without saying a word.
I keep finding new ways to say everything without saying a word.
While Dragon was military his work hours were unpredictable. He would leave before 5 am and who knows when he would get home. We bought groceries for him to prepare meals at work. We tried to have a meal together every day but it didn't always work out.
Now that he is retired and working at a new job things have settled down a little. I get up at 5 every morning to fix his breakfast and a sack lunch. Since summer is here, frozen water, Gatorade and apple juice have been added.
This week has been so hot that he wants a shower as soon as he walks in the door. I have a towel and comfortable clothes ready for him. With dinner on the table waiting for him.
Since his hours are still unpredictable, I have learned how to fix foods that I can keep warm or reheat for him latter. Some things just aren't good the second time around and some things are even better after they are reheated.
During the day, I make sure that he has a clean button up and a full set of clothes ready for the next day.
He works hard to provide for our little family. I can make his life more comfortable at his.
I keep finding new ways to say everything without saying a word.
While Dragon was military his work hours were unpredictable. He would leave before 5 am and who knows when he would get home. We bought groceries for him to prepare meals at work. We tried to have a meal together every day but it didn't always work out.
Now that he is retired and working at a new job things have settled down a little. I get up at 5 every morning to fix his breakfast and a sack lunch. Since summer is here, frozen water, Gatorade and apple juice have been added.
This week has been so hot that he wants a shower as soon as he walks in the door. I have a towel and comfortable clothes ready for him. With dinner on the table waiting for him.
Since his hours are still unpredictable, I have learned how to fix foods that I can keep warm or reheat for him latter. Some things just aren't good the second time around and some things are even better after they are reheated.
During the day, I make sure that he has a clean button up and a full set of clothes ready for the next day.
He works hard to provide for our little family. I can make his life more comfortable at his.