Stress Relief

I am one big stress ball.  I NEED a major stress relief session with items of impact. Hand, paddle, belt, flogger.

I need!

In my waking dream Dragon unzips my dress.  It falls to the floor.  Panties and bra are next.  Standing nude, waiting for him instructions.  He places my hands on the weight bench and moves my feet apart.  He positions me to his satisfaction.  Legs and back straight.  Hands practically glued to the bench.

Many of our sessions start this way.  When they do, I know the swats are going to come hard and fast.  A swift warm up and then it gets tough. In this position every swat takes my breath away.  The swats come faster than I can recover.  Pushing hard for that release I need so very bad.

My backside and upper legs turn a nice cherry red.  Tears sting my eyes. There is no way to count.

As long as it isn't a punishment, he starts with his hand.  I think he likes to see his hand print on my backside.

When he is done, he takes a minute to rub my multi colored backside.  No sex after that level of intensity.  I am usually flying.  He likes it when I am a bit more responsive and not as giggley.

I need the paddle.  It isn't a want anymore.

Soon

Memorial Day

It isn't a day to celebrate the beginning of summer
It isn't a day to honor active duty military.
It isn't a day to honor veterans
It isn't a day to decorate every head stone in your small town cemetery

It is a day to remember those who gave their lives for our country!
It is a day to honor the spouses they left behind.
It is a day to comfort the children who will never see their parent again.

I hope that you spend some time this weekend reflecting on their ultimate sacrifice.  These men and women have nothing left to give.  They died for your freedom. For your safety.

No, I won't have a happy Memorial Day.  It isn't a happy day.  I'll spend the day remembering those who didn't come home.  I'll pray that the suicide rate among veterans goes down.  I'll pray for those left behind. And I'll thank God that Dragon came home to me.

Most cities have some kind of memorial service.  I hope you take the time to find one.

Age Play

I know it probably sounds odd to most but age play is a big part of what we do.  It isn't always obvious but it makes me feel so loved.  Describing it is hard but I shall try.

We don't really have big scenes where I am his little girl. It is more in whispered words. He will dress me. Picking out even childish panties to wear under the pretty clothes he has chosen for me.  When we shower together he bathes me.  Head to toe, I am not allowed to help.  He dresses me in simple night clothes.  Nothing sexy.  Simple, lacy cotton.

A punishment session is all business and no play at all. Other kinds of spanking tend to be a bit more creative.  Morning wake up swats come with a lecture for his little girl and a list of chores to get done. Fun spankings are almost always age play.  His naughty little girl getting swats for silly things.  Even harder maintenance spankings.  We have used corner time but only in play.

We have used natural family planning for years
Long before we started going to a Catholic church. Age Play is even part of tracking my fertility.  He takes my morning temp.  Later in the day he does the cervical check. Height, opening, mucous. It is a very humbling experience and immediately puts me in a more submissive state of mind.

When we are around other people it doesn't stop.  In restaurants he orders my food and cuts my meat. Holds my hand and whispers naughty things in my ear.

Age Play gives him control over me in an out of control world.  It lets me give up that control and the responsibilities that can sometimes feel like a burden in every day life.

Most people never even notice.  Not even those closest to us. We keep it discrete but it is there.  It is just another way that we take care of each others needs.

Since I have been out of town we have been talking about taking our more private again play up a notch.  Little girl clothes.  Absolute loss of privacy.  And enforcing the no panties rule at night and at home. Part of the plan is little girl play clothes. Frilly dresses and cartoon themed short sets.  Don't know.  I think it is going to come down to a submission issue.

Sometimes it is Okay

Other times it is against the rules.  And I don't know how to tell the difference.

The rule?  Cussing

I don't do it very often but this trip has really brought out my inner sailor.  Dragon says that the audience and intent matter most.

Sometimes I do understand I am being punished for using a 4 letter word.  Others I am absolutely puzzled.

I can't make Dragon do anything.  He won't drop the rule.  He will continue to enforce it as he sees fit.

My job? Submit to the punishment. Cussing at all is against the rules.  Right place, time and audience was added latter.  If Dragon declares the words appropriate, great.  If not I'll submit to the punishment.

Easier said than done.  But enforcing the rule is reasonable.  Even if I can make a compelling reason for my behavior, I still broke the rules.

 So.... no more cussing at all.  Done.

Or my backside will feel the burn.

BABY

After unbelievable drama and lots of work, she is here!  8lbs 4 oz 19 inches.

I am happy, tired and hungry.  After several days with no sleep or clean clothes, I have decided that hospitals are nasty. I may never feel clean again.

Shower, nap and back to the hospital.

Panties From Home

I got a box today from Soma!  Dragon ordered me new panties and had them shipped directly to me. He is taking care of me from 600 miles away.  Love my man just a little.

We were discussing the selection.  Two pairs match the bras I brought with me.  Two are pretty and are just for every day.  The last two are thongs.

We came up with a panty code. Party panties means that he wants me in a matching set.  Fun panties are the pretty ones he buys for every day.  Spanking panties are thongs.  A nice bare target for some fun in the garage.  Punishment panties are thongs but calling them by a different name lets me know what to expect.

All kinds of fun negotiations happen when we are far apart.

missing him

I think this is a repeat but still very true. 600 miles from home and I miss my Dragon.
I miss his scent.
I miss the scratch of his beard.
I miss his hands.
I miss the way he can't keep his hands off me.
I miss fixing his breakfast and packing his lunch.
I miss the way he takes care of me before he takes care of himself.
I miss sex.
I miss spanking
I miss our kinky play

And yes, I even miss punishment.

My backside needs a good barn burner.  One of those that has me gasping for breath and fighting back tears. Just the thought of it makes me hungry for his touch.

I even crave ginger.  Who in their right mind craves that obnoxious, burning root?

Geez.  I am pathetic.

Ps
No baby yet.  We have a date set for induction.  I am more nervous than she is.

Family new. I.have finally made a stand. NO MORE BULLYING! I AM NOT A DOOR MAT
 My mom is upset with me but it needed to be done. She was trying to evict a disabled lady from a rental property I own.  She lives there rent free because I said so. My house. My rules. Not hers
I thought it was going to be hard but I find that I am actually relieved

Missing My Dragon

I have been away from home for 10 days.  600 miles separate us but our hearts are still connected.  I am with our oldest daughter. She is 39 weeks pregnant and has no one she trusts here.  This is where I am needed but it is hard.

I found a gym locally that will let me pay as I go.  It has been a life saver.  An hour is all it takes. 24 minutes of cardio. Stretching and then off to the free weights.

This is an awesome opportunity for me and my oldest daughter to reconnect.  Walking, shipping, cooking and cleaning.

We are taking things one day at a time.  I think she really is off the drugs.  I haven't seen any signs.  Believe me, I am watching.

Dragon's Creativity

You know the stress I am under right now.  Okay, you know about half of it.  Just half.

I lost it last night.

On the phone

With Dragon

I said some things I shouldn't have

Used some vulgar words that I'm not allowed to use.

600 miles won't stop Dragon from enforcing one of his special rules.

Oops.  He packed the icyhot.  1/4 inch applied to each sit spot after my morning shower.

It may not seem like much of a punishment but wowza did that burn. Several hours later it is still warm.

No tears. No emotional release but it will definitely discourage the vulgar language.

Update on the daughter issue
It all comes down to unconditional love.  I love my daughter with all my heart and will do what it takes to get her on her feet.  They call it TUFF love for a reason. If CPS takes the baby, we will do whatever we have to do to get her back with family.  My grandchild has two grandparents that love her. She doesn't need to be a ward of the state. But that is  an IF.  My daughter swears that she is sober and clean.

A girl can hope.  The doctor knows about the drug use.  He is prepared for what may come.

And now we wait.

sick and getting sicker

I arrived at my daughter's house yesterday.  My eyes started stinging, it got hard to breathe and I hurt everywhere.  I looked in the mirror and my cheeks were red.  I was as pale as a ghost other than my cheeks.

What in the world?  One minute I was feeling great.  The next I was sick.

After my daughter went to bed I figured it out.  The house smells like meth.  The scent that belongs only to illegal drugs and evil.

This morning she finally admitted that she has used crack cocaine.  I am speechless.  To suspect drug use and to know are a world apart.  I wonder where I went wrong.

For the baby, I am going to ignore the elephant in the room. Tiptoe around it and hope I don't disturb it.  I don't want my daughter to send me away this close to her due date.

Fear, anger, pain, confusion.  I'm not really sure what I feel. I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

Sorry.  This isn't my usual post.  This one is?  What?  I guess it just is what it is.

Life