Dragon's Love

If you are a regular reader, you know that I haven't been feeling all that great.   Dragon has been trying to get me to rest and let my body heal.   That is hard to do.  

I love to stay active and move.   Walking, running,  P90X anything!  Sewing, taking care of the kids and making life easier for him.   I stay busy.  But not in the last few weeks.   I haven't felt like doing much at all.   Every day I feel guilty.  He works so hard and I am sleeping around the clock.

Then last night Dragon bought me another book off of amazon.   Nothing strange about that other than the fact that he has been getting me 2 or 3 books a week since I have been feeling bad.   Normally I may get one a month, two if he is really happy with me.   Dragon wanted me to rest and the best way to make sure that I stay off my feet is a good book.  

I feel loved this morning.  I have 3 new books to start the week and his approval to start walking again.  No running or strenuous workout.  Just a slow walk.

Anniversary spanking!

It was great.   A nice, gentile reminder that he is still on top of things.   I was hurting, so it wasn't the barn burner that I crave but it was just right for last night.  

I had a thought this morning.   Dragon is having a hard time with a supervisor that really doesn't need to be in a leadership position.   She screams and yells.   She has no idea how to lead and tries to bully instead.   I pray for Dragon every day.   These morning, I decided to pray for her to.

I know she has several grievances against her. I hope something happens to change her attitude.  She makes mornings miserable for everyone.  

Date night

Dragon asked me what I wanted to do.   I only had to think for just a minute.   Dragon has had a very hard time with ptsd lately.   One problem is lack of down time.   He has no time to do the things he loves.  

So for our date we went fishing.   I HATE fishing but marriage is about us and not just me.   Love my man just a little.   I'll let you know how the spanking is when I get it.  

Kid issues mixed up our weekend plans

Anniversary time?

What was that?  Yep.   We will be celebrating our anniversary this weekend.  20 years together.  19 of those years as husband and wife.  

Not sure what we will do yet but I have a feeling that it will include an anniversary spanking.  I think that is the perfect way to celebrate.   Maybe a picnic or dinner out.   Movie?  No idea.   What we do isn't important, as long as we do it together.  

Hope

I have hope!  Hope that Dragon will get off in time for a scene.   The ginger is in the refrigerator,  paddles and floggers ready.  This will be the first time we have combined impact play with figging.   Both are intense.  It may be too much sensation but it is worth a try.

We have been talking about alternate punishments.  Things that can be done away from home.  Or even at home if spanking isn't possible.   He has used time out for a while.  Funny,  it never feels like a punishment.   It is a relief but just what I need.

Getting Better

The facial pain has not completely gone away but it is much better.   It doesn't last all day.   Today I had two flair ups.   They hurt just as bad but I am grateful for the improvement.


The bad news?  One of the drugs I take on a regular basis is making me sick.   Aleve, Alegra, Benadryl or maybe the sudaphed.   Blag.   Only the Aleve is for the facial pain.  The rest helps with the seasonal allergies.   Good news is that I don't think it is any of the asthma meds.


I took the Alegra this morning and nothing else all day.   So far so good with that one.

Dragon is working so many hours right now.  I worry about him.  Fewer people to do the same job as last year.   It makes for good paychecks but I miss my Dragon.

Late Night Pain Relief

We went outside to look up at the moon.  It was beautiful and shining bright.   The garage door was right there. It seemed like a shame to miss such an opportunity.


My mouth was hurting.   The pain was getting harder to deal with.  It just won't stop.   But there isn't anything a few endorphins won't help.

Dragon sat in the chair with me kneeling in front of him.   He gently flogged my chest.   Therain of lleather continued until I was so relaxed, I started falling over.   I went into child's pose and Dragon continued, flogging my back.

Then comes the knock on the door.   Brave child.  None of them have ever dared to disturb up in the garage before.   But it wasn't anything serious.   I don't think she will do that again though.

When Dragon finally got back to me,  I was stretched out on the cardboard I use as a yoga mat.  (fitness on a non existing budget)  He paddled my backside and rubbed my stinging back.

For one night,  I slept like a well flogged subby.

Living

It has been one week since the dental work was done and I am still in a great deal of pain.  I think the dentist damaged the trigeminal nerve.  The dentist thinks some of my headaches are associated with that trigeminal nerve already and with it damaged by a shot of Novocain, it is even worse than usual.

But here is the deal.  I can't stop living.  I cope with chronic pain every day.  I get out of bed with a limp.  I hold the spatula with aching hands as I make Dragon's breakfast.  Running, I smile even though pain is shooting up my legs.  Shin splints maybe?

My point is that every thing I do, every day is painful.  My body is falling apart and has been for years.  Why should this keep me down?  Headaches are a part of life for me.  Sometimes a daily part of life.  This headache just hurts in a new spot.  This one is centered on the spot the dentist injected the novocain.  No different than any other pain I deal with just in a spot that is new.

One step at a time.  I can do this.  Get back into my routine of getting up, cooking, running and working out.  Doing school work with the kids, working in my sewing room, playing with the animals and cooking supper.  All the things that keep life busy for a stay at home mom.

I feel a little like Bob the Builder.

Can we do it?

Yes we can!

I have had enough of laying around.  It is time to get up and put on my big girl panties.  I can do it!  One task at a time.  And it isn't a failure if I have to take extra breaks.  Who cares if my run turns into a walk.

Pain

I cope with chronic pain almost every day. It is rare that I have a pain free day. It is also rare for pain to take me out of commission. But this has. ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ It has been a week since the dentist visit but I am hurting even more. She came in the room, put me on the gas and numbed my mouth. THEN LEFT! Gone for an hour or better. When she came back in she started drilling. I let her know as best I could that it hurt. " That is a little sensitive there" and kept on drilling! Finally, with tears leaking out of my eyes, she decided to give me more novacain. ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ I have never been in that much pain. I expected a little pinch and then the numbness that should have followed. NOPE! Not with my luck. It hurt even more. Pain exploded in my jaw. She chanted "just a little pinch, just a little pinch" ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ Really? She is a master of understatement. One week later, I am still in pain. It is even worse than it was. I can't function. Every move sends pain shooting from my jaw. I can't do this any more. ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ From what I have read, she hit a blood vessels or a nerve. Either way, I will be hurting for several weeks. I am going to call the office today to see if I can get some better pain control. I don't have transportation to go back to the dentist today but I have to have some relief. OTC is not touching this. ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ You know it is bad when I am asking for something more than Alieve. I don't do heavy pain killers. ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ Needless to say, dd is on hold.

Locking the door

At night Dragon rarely holds me anymore. I miss his arms around me at night, soothing away the bad dreams. Last night was different. ♥♥♥ He locked the bedroom door and told me in that HOHY voice that I would be sleeping naked. Hmmmm... Okay, I can do that. ♥♥♥ Every time I woke up during the night, his arms were around me. A groping hand is what probably woke me up. Love it. If that is what it takes to feel his arms at night, we really need to get that bedroom door fixed. It doesn't always like to stay closed.

Insane

Yep. Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. ♥♥♥I have very bad headaches. When they get to the point that I can't stand them any more, I call it a tooth ache and head to the dentist. I have extensive work done only on the side of the headaches. AND IT NEVER WORKS. I end up with unnecessary dental work, mouth pain from the dentist and the same old headache. ♥♥♥ Out of $1200 of work, about $500 was actually needed. Oh well. I'll do the whole thing over in a few years. ♥♥♥compromise.... Yep, I can do that. Instead of an expensive box of chocolates, I am getting a pull up sled. Happy me. :-) I like that compromise. Love my Dragon just a little. He looks out for me.

Where were you

when the world stopped turning? I was in Contwig Germany at our rental house. Dragon had just returned from a deployment. I was pregnant. We were both busy. He was hanging wallpaper and I was staying out of his way. The girls were watching a movie. My mom called and I was happy to hear from her. I had no clue... She told me to turn on the TV and come back to the phone. I was in tears. Only one tower had been hit. She called that fast. When the second tower was hit, I knew it was no accident. Dragon would be leaving again soon. My greatest hope was that he would see our fourth child before he had to leave. ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ Strangers I hate airports. They are places of tears. My body shakes as I try to control them. Then I look at my children and I see their hearts breaking. My own tears fall….He sees my tears and his iron grip of control begins to slip. People turn away. They can’t stand to see our pain. They know where he is going. They know we are left behind. I stand at the window watching the plane pull away from the gate. Walk that lonely walk back to the car. The drive home seems longer than ever. The house does not feel like home. ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ My best friend, my husband, the father of children has left. I don’t know where he is going. Don’t want to know. More questions than answers. When will he come home? Will he come home? How do I survive? He is my life. He is everything. I am me because he is with me. No more watching or reading the news. Not even just to read the headlines. Routine. Step by step each day I learn to survive. Run, breakfast, cut grass, shower, lunch, clean, check email, walk the dog. Same thing every day moving in a daze. I am afraid to hope. ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ At the airport again. The seasons have changed. But then so have I. I stand at the arrival gate waiting for a stranger. He is my husband and the father of my children. My tears fall once again. I am nervous and afraid. Will he really come home this time. Will everything be the same? I hope so. There he is. I see him. He has cut his hair again, his skin is darker, his eyes are different. I expect his hug to feel the same but it doesn’t. He walks ahead of me much faster than I can keep up to get to the luggage pickup. I know I should understand why but I don’t and he can’t explain. We are strangers again. a military wife

Out of the Closet

We are here by out of the catholic closet. Dragon has told his family and most of mine too. That is okay. They can't hate me any more than they already do. If they have questions I will be happy to answer them. So far so good. Fingers crossed. ♥♥♥♥ My upper teeth are fixed. They look so much better. The dentist told me that my gums would be sore. She wasn't kidding. Owie and the numzit stuff hasn't even worn off yet. The bottom teeth get fixed in the morning. I want to get it over with. ♥♥♥♥ TTWD is going. Dragon is no longeraafraid my bottom will break. He uses the paddle and belt in a way that makes me want to avoid it. Even the fun ones seem to be harder. But they are still fun. He knows how to make me fly

Anger

Why do men react to fear by showing anger? This is a question that has bugged me for years. Since the day my step dad yelled at me and I figured out he was mad because I scared him. ♥♥♥♥ Now the challenge is explaining this to my teenage kids. Why does dad yell when they bring home yet another bad boy? Why dad yells when they speed or do any of those stupid things teenagers do. ♥♥♥♥ It is the nature of being dad. Of love so big that they just can't keep it in. Mom cries. No, those tears are not a weapon. It is my love overflowing. For Dragon, his anger is kinda the same thing. It is fear and love all wrapped up in one package that is too big to hold. And when his emotions overflows into tears, watch out. The world is ending. ♥♥♥♥ It took being a mom for me to understand the anger I had to cry for my baby and feel my heart break. Now I Understand

On the Book Shelf

I have two new books on the book shelf this week. Both urban fantasy. Yes, it is what I am reading for now. I will get board with it eventually but not today. ★ one star? Yep that is all Magic Rises by Ilona Andrews gets from me. I can't get into it. 2 chapters in and I was done. It is still on my Kindle so I will come back to it latter. It may still improve but the plot is sluggish. ★★★★ the other book is another dark hunter book Night Pleasure. It is very yummy. Sexy, action packed but painful to read. This one make me want to jump in the books and kick some butt. Can't give it a 5 because it is so heartbreaking to read but I am hoping for a wonderful ending to make up for it. ♥♥♥♥♥ Me time now. I have a huge fear of the dentist. Fear that overwhelmed me and I have an appointment tomorrow. I am pulling out my hair and shaking already. This one doesn't use iv valium. Yikes. I am worried Prayers please