The Doctor

Ok.  It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  He took our histories,(three of us, me and two of the kids) and wrote out the Rx for our asthma meds.  It is done.  My old meds are back ordered so I am now on a different one.  I will have to give it a month to see if it works.  Time will tell...

Better news?

We were talking to some new friends last night and Dragon mentioned ball room dancing.  I have wanted to learn for a LONG time.  During his last deployment I had a very hard time.  We had just figured out the PTSD issue and were beginning to put our marriage back together.  He started this "smile a week" thing.  One week he enrolled me in a motorcycle safety class.  The next week he sent me a link to a ball room dance studio.  Every week it was something new.

Out of all those links only a few things are left un done.  I still don't have a long leather coat.  I have yet to go sky diving and we still don't know how to dance.

Hmmm....

It could be fun....  Maybe

I found a local call called for "Marriage Enrichment through dance"  It looks interesting.  Maybe after we close on the house.  We will have to wait and see....$$$$

My Fitness Pal

I gave in yesterday and started using it.  I had some problems trying to figure out how to add foods but now that I have it figured out, it is easy.

I thought I hit below the target yesterday.  1192 was the total for the day but I forgot to add in the 1/2 c of milk with breakfast, the crackers I ate while cooking supper and the 1/4 of green beans.  I think that took it up to a more reasonable amount.

I'll try to do better with accuracy today.  I thought I ate like a piggie yesterday.  Looks like I didn't do half bad though.  I am going to add in an extra work out too.  I usually do my physical stuff in the afternoon but today I am going to add in some morning cardio.

The goal?  one pound a week.  Down to 140 lbs.  I an not sure how much weight Dragon will let me loose before he says enough.  He doesn't go by the scale as much as he does my general health.  We don't even have scales in the house anymore.  The anna side of my brain tends to obsess over those number.  Instead I obsess over the tape measure.  That one is easier to hide.

I have a doctors appointment Friday.  I need to get a referral to an astma allergy doc.  I can't just call for an appointment any more.  I have to get permission.  Blag.  That is one drawback to our new insurance but we have to follow the rules.  I am pretty sure they will get a weight and will be able to update it then.

Scared Healthy

Several ladies I know have had that gastric bypass surgery.  It seems to be getting more and more common. For some of them, I can understand the desperation.  Morbidly obese even as a child, I am not sure what their motive is but I can understand.

One lady I knew in high school.  She was always a very big girl.  When we graduated high school, they didn't have a gown large enough to fit her.  The company that made the gowns ended up sewing two gowns together.  It worked.  She had the surgery 5 years ago and died of complications this year.  I think it was liver failure associated with the bypass.  She left behind a young son.

Another one worked on base.  She couldn't hold any food down after her surgery.  Her husband used up all of his sick leave and vacation days trying to take care of her.  Every week I heard the same updates.  Back in the hospital, feeding tubes, IVs.

A friends daughter had the surgery about 2 years ago.  She lost a lot of weight.  So much that she is now anorexic thin.  She went from morbidly obese to wearing a size 0.  She is a few inches taller than me and very much underweight.  For some reason the doctors are still doing surgery on her.  Removing all the excess skin for the weight loss.  What are they trying to do?  Make her look like a super model?  Not going to happen.  She had more skin removed a few weeks ago.  Just before Thanksgiving she rolled over in bed and ripped her skin apart.  She said that her hip bone was showing.

Wow.

And this is ok?  Please tell me how?  I can't understand it.  She has 3 kids.  2 of them are pre schoolers and she is putting her life at risk to get rid of a little extra skin?

As if all of this wasn't enough, I visited my SIL over the weekend.  Both her and her husband are sweethearts.  The problem?  Every time I see her she has gained another 5-10 pounds.

Now I ask those of you who follow my blog, What is going on in my head?

I had a apple for breakfast and plan on having an orange for lunch.  Yes, I know.  Probably anna popping her nasty little head up again but I am overweight.  I have to get some pounds off and do it the healthy way.  It is just too easy to fall back into old habits.  I don't want to put myself in a position that I would have to consider gastric bypass surgery.  There are too many risks.

Can I loose 40 pounds and do it the healthy way?  Yes, I will still be a healthy weight with that much of a loss.  Like I said, I am over weight right now.  Lets see if I can cut calories  move more and not let anna take control of my life.

My plan for the week is to do P90X 3 days and cardio 3 days.

Thanksgiving Tears Explained

Every year, when we put up the Christmas tree, I start snapping at the kids.  I know why now.

The kids are excited like kids will be about the tree coming in the house and the decorations going up.  The are chatty, asking questions and arguing about the best position of their favorite ornaments.  There are a few ornaments that mean more to me than the others.  One is a little fireplace that is from our very first Christmas as a family.  The other one that is meaningful is a little glass angel.  We purchased it in a little Christmas village the year I lost one my babies.  I was only 7 weeks along but I had been so sure that this one was going to stick.  I had already lost 3 when I got pregnant one more time.  I felt so good, until the cramping started.

That was around Thanksgiving in 1996.  I still mourn for my lost little one and when I put that little angel on the tree, it hurts.  I need just a moment to compose myself.  Quiet for just a few minutes to blink back the tears and say a little prayer.

Oh but wait a minute.  I have 3 kids crowded around me decorating the tree.  They are excited and can't wait for the presents to appear.  I ask to be left alone for few minutes and it doesn't happen.  Nonsense questions come rapid fire.  An argument and tug of war with a delicate ornament.  My temper gets out of control and things get worse from there.

After all these years I finally understand.  I know what sets everything into motion.  Next year, I will know to retreat to the bedroom for a few minutes.

Problem solved.

Not this year.  This year I had a full melt down.  But next year I will know.

Happy Thanksgiving

 Happy Thanksgiving!

Dragon is putting the turkey in the smoker again this year.  Last time he did that, we has a large charcoal brick.  Not yummy at all.  I hope it turns out better this year.  I have all the boxes out of the living room finally.    Mina helped me move them out yesterday.  I emptied 3 and moved 4 to the garage. No room for it in the house.  Latter, I am going to take one box at a time in the garage and either find a place for the stuff or get rid of it.  

Time to get out my little Christmas village and put up the artificial tree.  I am allergic to real trees but we will get one to go on the porch latter.  I found the stand yesterday.  It is already put together and waiting where I want the tree. 

It is nice to do normal things with the family.  My SIL asked what our plans were.  We forgot that we are close to family again.  We always just do our own thing.  Oops.  We are going to have a huge family gathering Sunday.  That takes the pressure off everyone.  

Back to Normal?

Maybe…..

What a time to start getting back to normal.  Just in time for the chaos of the holiday season.   Yesterday Dragon made me take a break.  He took me to the garage.  The look on his face left no doubt in my mind what he was going to do.  He was going to spank me and nothing I could say would change his mind. 

A padded step puts my bottom at the right height to use the table saw for support.  Dragon stood behind me and lowered my pants.  Just when I thought I would get to keep my panties, those slid down too.  The garage was cool and I started to shiver just a little. 

You know I am not allowed to use some words.  Not EVER and as a lady, I don’t like using it anyway.  But in this case I have to.  There is on other word to describe what came next.  He F@#%ed me with his fingers.  Built the pleasure with pain and a sense of violation.  He used his hand hard and fast.  There was no doubt in my mind that pleasure was not his purpose.  Getting his smart mouthed wife back into a submissive state of mind is why we went to the garage to begin with.  Not sex or pleasure. 

Without any warm up swats, Dragon used the walnut paddle.  He has discovered that the sit spot hurts more than the fuller, padded part of my back side.  Unfortunate for me, that is where most of the swats fell.  He exchanged the paddle for his belt.  I could not stay in place.  No way.  That belt HURT.  Then came the snake.  A relatively short flogger made out of dense, hard leather.  I call it the snake because that thing has a bite.  Wowchy. 

It wasn't a punishment.  As I stood up, I couldn't figure out what it was.  Maintenance?  Stress relief?  Re-connection?  I think it was a little of all three. 

Last night, I slept in my new bloomers at his request.  As soon as I got under the covers, his hand cupped my sex.  Every time I woke up, his hand was still there.  Just holding me.  It was a simple act but very erotic. 

I don’t know if it was the spanking or how he held me last night that did it.  Both?  But I am SOOOO hungry right now and NOT for food.  I used the hitochi to try to easy the ache but it did no good.  My body wants his touch.  Would you believe that I am craving a repeat of the scene in the garage?  Fingers, paddle, belt, flogger and all. 

I think he will be happy to know that I am miserable today.  It is a common side effect of TTWD.  It keeps him on track for months at a time.  Does he like it when I am miserable?  I think he does. 

Time to get busy.  The rest of our family decided to draw names this year.  Oh but no one will have to spend as much money that way.   Hmmm.  Since I rarely send individual gifts at Christmas, only one family gift per household, that doesn't work out so good for us.  6 gifts when we don’t even have money to get our kids gifts.  Uggg.   Let’s just say that my sewing room will be busy for the next two weeks making gifts.   Today I am helping my youngest daughter make an apron for my sister in law.  We are using remnants I have left over from other projects.  This one is a no cost gift!  Hey I like those!  

Liebster Award?

Not sure what it is but Emi nominated my little blog.  The rules say to copy and past the photo.  With limited bandwidth I will have to pass on that.  Share 11 things about myself and pass this on to 11 blogs?  That I can do.

11 things about me.  Hmmm
1.  People comment on how Dragon and I look at each other.  The love shows in our eyes.
2.  My favorite date is a picnic in the park
3.  My second favorite date is the symphony.  I love beautiful music.
4.  I turned my hobby into a business   Sewing!
5.  I love making beautiful things with fabric.
6.  Most of my friends have 4 feet and fur.
7.  My husband is the only thing that keeps me from going vegetarian   . I don't like meat.
8.  I love going to the gym.  I feel so relaxed after a good workout
9.  Any day I get to spend with my family is a good day
10. I can't be around any type of perfume our air freshener.  My asthma is that bad.
11.  I am allergic to my pets but I think that is what antihistamines were made for.

Now for Emi's questions.

1. What is your favorite genre of music? Country.  I had to learn how to like it being married to Dragon.  

2. Do you like Horror movies? Why or why not? Sometimes.  It depends on the movie.  Nothing bloody. 

3. How old were you when you had your "first kiss?" 17 at a school dance

4. Do you prefer sweet snacks or salty? Salty Combine salt with chocolate and I am in heaven

5. What was your most memorable vacation ever? (where and why) Disney world.  It was my honeymoon.

6. Have you even performed on stage for any reason? Not since elementary school.  

7. Have you ever won a contest? If I did, I can't remember it.  

8. Did you love or hate your high school years? Hated them.  

9. Spanko or spankNO? SPANKO!

10. Do you read spanking fiction? some.  Most if it is poorly written.  

11. What is the weirdest implement you've been spanked with? ("H" whacked me once with a red licorice vine! Ouch!) A whisk.  It didn't hurt but made a funmy sound. 


Now for my 11 blogs
1.Finding Sara, Her blog was one of the first blogs I followed.  Her story has touched my heart
2. A Domestic Discipline Society  I love reading blogs written by men and this one is willing to call it how it is with other blogs.  LOVE IT
3.  New life in DD  Thanks you for sharing your story Bas!  Even if all of us ladies make you feel out numbered!  
4. Florida Dom's Corner.    Again with the male perspective.  Although his is mostly kink.
5. Old fashioned Marriage.  Not sure what I think about this blog yet but I'll add it as another male authored blog.  Some men take DD into the realm of abuse.  Not sure how far he goes.   
6. Mick and Lynda's Place  Watching their family grow up has been an adventure.
7.  faerie learns to fly she has made me brave enough to try giving a blow job again.  Nope, still can't do it.
8.  Her Mischief managed
9. The dish with ward and june.  I like this blog because both of them post.
10 Life under a firm hand
11. Emi, I know it is against the rules but yes, I nominate your blog too.

Holey Roller?

I gave my new bloomers a test run this morning.  Dragon was so pleased with them, he wants me to make a pair for every day of the week.  He asked if I could make breakfast for him wearing them and still stay modest.  After a bit of thought, I remembered a long skirt we bought.  I haven't worn it because I don't have a nice blouse to wear with it yet.  I put on my skirt and a sweat shirt.  With my very long hair, long skirt and frumpy shirt, Dragon said that I look like a holey roller.

Ha Ha.  Looks can be deceiving  can't they?  

My legs may be modestly covered but my bottom is bare.  And my backside is just a little sore this morning for a new reason.  I asked for the belt and he was so pleased with my handy work that he obliged.  I have to say that his control over the belt is improving greatly.  The swats ranged from very gentile to firm.   I think, in time, I will be able to take the belt without the bad stuff creeping into my head.  This morning it was pure pleasure.

Hmmm.  Should I make another pair of bloomers today?  Put the days of the week on them like little girl panties   LOL

I want to make a night gown to match each pair.  That way I can be modestly covered while I cook his breakfast but don't have to get dressed for the day.

I think we are going to have fun with this....

The Holidays?

(oops, I almost forgot a content warning.  Not G rated.  Sorry)

Yikes!

I am NOT ready!  Where did the time go?

I still have boxes in the living room.  Who knows where the Christmas ornaments are.  I sure don't.  And where to put the tree?  YIKES!  I have NO IDEA.  The artificial tree will go up Thanksgiving day.  The kids decorate the tree while dinner is being prepared.  That means I have to do a good cleaning of the living room.  Dust, mop, oil the furniture, clean all the glass. 

Can I say that I am very happy the wedding is done?  I felt the need to sew today.  Stress relief my way.  I made pair of old fashioned bloomers.  Made just like they would have been in the 1800s with an open crotch.  I am sure Dragon can find a spankable application for the open rear of these pajama bottoms.  As soon as he saw them he made a request.  Another set out of flannel for warmth.  I think he sees me bare bottomed in the garage with my legs warmly covered.  

Hmmm....  Maybe.  

Old Fashoned fashion with a kinky DD use.  

Giggles.  How did he know what I was thinking when I made them?  He knows me so well.  I even trimmed the bottom with lace to give them a nice feminine feel.  Not that a good application the paddle won't do that all by itself.  

I still haven't gotten that stress relief spanking.  With the holidays HERE, Dragon is working long hours.  He is always tired when he walks in the door.  I try to have supper on the table when he gets home.  Many things have changed in the last year and I am still trying to adjust.  We both are.  

Ok....  The spanking may not have happened but he still makes sure we both have a chance to de-stress.  This morning he gave me enough time to wake up and began making love.  Not sure how he managed it but he fisted me while having sex.  Talk about mind blowing.  So much sensation.  Double penetration is nothing new but that took it to a whole new level.   

Hmmm.   I started the bloomers before he started making love to me.  I wonder if he was inspired by my efforts with the needle?  If so, I need to do that more often.  

My bits are sore.  Every move I make reminds me of his touch.  He is at work but I can't move without thinking about what he did with his hands this morning.  Just WOW.  Let's just say that sitting is a bit uncomfortable.  Love it!      

Winding down

After all the fuss over the wedding, I really need to wind down.  A spanking was planed for yesterday but never happened.  Time got away from us.  Dragon made sure I went to bed in a submissive state of mind, I just didn't get there with swats.

From what Dragon said, it will happen today.  Have to wait and see.

I have a busy day today.  Organizing the sewing room... Again....   work out, work on pattern drafting and do school work with the kids.

Things should be getting back to normal.  I hope so anyway.  I am tired of chaos.

If last night was just the beginning ...  then yes,  things are definitely back to normal.

Thank You!

Once again it is Veterans Day.  A day set aside to thank those who have fought for our great country!  Because of you, the rest of us can enjoy the freedom you worked so hard to protect.

These men and women have paid a high price for those things we take for granted.  The carry scars that are invisible.  They give up the freedoms the rest of us have to protect ours, then when they aren't the same person they were, society throws them away.

Do more than Thank a Veteran this year.  Pray for healing and lend a helping hand.

This wife of a veteran thanks you!  

Strangers

I hate airports. They are places of tears. My body shakes as I try to control them. Then I look at my children and I see their hearts breaking. My own tears fall….He sees my tears and his iron grip of control begins to slip. People turn away. They can’t stand to see our pain. They know where he is going. They know we are left behind. I stand at the window watching the plane pull away from the gate. Walk that lonely walk back to the car. The drive home seems longer than ever. The house does not feel like home.

My best friend, my husband, the father of children has left. I don’t know where he is going. Don’t want to know. More questions than answers. When will he come home? Will he come home? How do I survive? He is my life. He is everything. I am me because he is with me. No more watching or reading the news. Not even just to read the headlines. Routine. Step by step each day I learn to survive. Run, breakfast, cut grass, shower, lunch, clean, check email, walk the dog. Same thing every day moving in a daze. I am afraid to hope.

At the airport again. The seasons have changed. But then so have I. I stand at the arrival gate waiting for a stranger. He is my husband and the father of my children. My tears fall once again. I am nervous and afraid. Will he really come home this time. Will everything be the same? I hope so. There he is. I see him. He has cut his hair again, his skin is darker, his eyes are different. I expect his hug to feel the same but it doesn’t. He walks ahead of me much faster than I can keep up to get to the luggage pickup. I know I should understand why but I don’t and he can’t explain. We are strangers again.

a military wife

DONE

The wedding was this morning.  The costumes were a hit!  Everything looked so nice.  Do you have any idea how relieved I am?

I am so tired.  Maybe I will finally be able to sleep tonight.  I won't have my Dragon to hold me but sewing for my brothers wedding was stressful.  I am so happy it turned out good.  The bride and groom were both happy with everything.

Time for me to turn in.  It is early but I am so tired.

Good night blog land and thanks for all the LOL comments.  It is nice to know who my lurkers are :)

love your lurker day

Thanks for Lurking!

Sorry.  I have to keep it short and sweet.  I am visiting my grandmother and brother.  He is getting married Saturday and guess who make all the outfits for the wedding?

Yep.

Me.

She decided she had to have 5 more clothing items at the last minute.  I have been working like crazy to get it all done.  Sewing, cutting, stitching and doing it all again.

5 cloaks made
6 sets of bracers
and my grandmother graciously finished a skirt

Tomorrows todo list.
rehearsal dinner.  OH CRAP
make final skirt
make Youngest sons costume

OH CRAP

How am I supposed to get all that done?


Breath.

I think I need a stress relief spanking.  NOW

I may not be able to get back to a computer until all this is over with.  I will post our comments then.  Sorry for the delay.  I am doing the best I can right now.  Hugs! !!

Can I gloat now?

They ex boyfriend contacted my daughter yesterday.  She was in tears.   He wanted to be "friends".  Said that he can't live without her.  Blah, Blah, Blah.......

She replied to his message telling him all the reasons they can't be friends or anything else ever again.

GOOD GIRL! ! !

Today, one of her friends sent her a messing to let her know that the ex is on Face book talking trash.  He had nothing good to say about her.  NOTHING!  She didn't go into details with me but knowing this boy, it was really bad.

She came into the kitchen smiling!  SMILING!

"I don't feel bad about dumping anymore, Momma.  I thought he was a better person than that.  You don't say that kind of thing about people you are about.  Not even when they make you mad.  Not ever."

Victory dance! ! !  

Can you see my big smile from your computer screen?

Now you know how I spell relief!


Wedding update.....

I am on the final stretch of sewing.  I have all the blouses made.  The flower girl dresses are almost done.  They need to be hemmed and the sleeves finished.  The doublet and one of the bodices needs grommets.  The two remaining skirts for the brides maids will be made when I get there.  And now the bride tells me that the grooms men MUST have capes.  As long as I have help that will listen and do what i ask when I get there, it can be done.

After all this, I am going to need a vacation!  My brother told me to bring my business cards.  he is convinced I'll get a few new clients.  I sure hope so.  That would sure help make the bills!

Yippee

I am officially insured again!  For September and October I had insurance but couldn't afford to use it.  The deductible was way too high.  Now I can finally go to a doctor and try to get this asthma stuff under control again.  After my brothers wedding I will make an appointment with my brand new PCM.  I need refills on all of my Rxs and approval to go to specialists;

I have a workable plan to get all the sewing done for the wedding.  I will be working right up until the ceremony.  Make the peasant blouses today.  I have the pattern perfected.  Now I just have to get the shirts together.  Dragon is going to stop by the fabric store to pick up a few things I need.  Elastic, bias tape and thread.  But I can get the shirts ready.   I'll make the flower girl dresses Sunday and Monday and the final two skirts for the brides maids Thursday and Friday.  Wedding on Saturday.

Crunch TIME!

I need a stress relief spanking but the asthma symptoms are too bad right now.  The paddle and floggers trigger an attack when I am not taking the long acting stuff.  We tried a few times but I had to safe word out after just a few swats.

Oh well.

For now I'll just have something to look forward to!