Hoping for sunshine so the kids can go for a LONG walk. They can have an afternoon of sibling bonding. I'll have the paddles lined up ready for his use and his favorite chair sitting in the bedroom.
Dragon says he doesn't take hints.
Do you think this is a bold enough hint?
We had a few flakes of snow this morning. I can hope for a little sunshine this afternoon. That has been the norm this winter. Fingers crossed.
I need a good old fashioned spanking that I'll remember for a few days. I am tired of feeling off. Of never having time to "reconnect". It is way past time for that to change. We are both under a LOT of stress right now. It is time for both of us to get the release we both need!
Check back latter. I'll update this post. Hopefully with a spanking story.
(no tiger stripes to post yet. The last flogging ended in disaster. He had sex on the mind and I had an intense scene on the mind and sleep. I can't mix a scene and sex. I feel so vulnerable after a scene. All I want to do is curl up in the corner and process what just happened. He didn't understand and we slept back to back for the fist time in almost 2 years. NOT GOOD)
Small update - Dragon is on his way home. I gave up and asked. After all, he doesn't take hints. It is better be direct and let him play the mind games.
Late night update - The weather did NOT cooperate. Figure that. The snow was gone but it was still nasty. I thought about going out to the garage but decided it just wasn't worth a frozen backside. To make matters worse, we had another fight. Pooh bear's school work is computer based. I can track how much she does every day and check her grades. For the last two weeks, I have just been asking her how much she got done and didn't check up on it. Well... She failed several tests and didn't say a word about it. The 79 I let go but not the 60s or the 44. I got on to her pretty hard. Dragon said I was too harsh. I disagreed and it turned into a fight. Still don't see where I was wrong other than taking her word on her school work.
We worked it out. I had a good cry, no spanking, no punishment. He helped me mop up the tears and hugged me until it was time to eat. We ate dinner, cleaned the kitchen and the kids were sent off to bed. And the fun started. He didn't pressure me for sex this time. Simple, to the point. He used the thinner paddles for more of a sting. They are louder but he knows I like sting more than thud. With a few good swats with the thicker walnut paddle he was done. No idea how many swats.
Not what I asked for. It wasn't otk, he didn't deliver any memory swats but it was perfect. I'm sleepy and relaxed now. I think I can sleep tonight. Hope so anyway.
Dragon has well over 50 applications in and has two more interviews scheduled. I can hope. keep praying for a job. We have our eye on a few that would be "perfect". Close to larger cities and opportunities to educate the kids.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Saturday, February 25, 2012
D is for Distance
I am not the only one guilty of Distance. Dragon is too.
The more applications he submits, the more time that passes without a yes answer, the more distance he puts between us. I am trying to understand. Trying to be the ever understanding wife but it is hard.
Those little things he did to show love and affection are gone for now. He is obsessed with job hunting and not much else. Oh, he does help Amber with her old truck. They are trying to get it road worthy so she can have her own transportation. I understand that.
I understand the obsession with job hunting.
I really, really do!
But I miss my kind, considerate husband. The one who helps with laundry and takes out the trash. I miss the man who loves to pamper me with bubble baths and cuddle. I miss his gentile arms and thoughtful attention.
I am trying my very best to be supportive. To be the attentive and understanding wife I should be. It gets frustrating at times and a little overwhelming. This is a huge transition for our entire family. All any of us can do is our very best.
Things will get better when he has a job. I hope.
ps. I even miss his stern looks when I mess up. I miss his firm hands giving me one last warning. Can't say I miss P very much but I do miss my take charge man.
The more applications he submits, the more time that passes without a yes answer, the more distance he puts between us. I am trying to understand. Trying to be the ever understanding wife but it is hard.
Those little things he did to show love and affection are gone for now. He is obsessed with job hunting and not much else. Oh, he does help Amber with her old truck. They are trying to get it road worthy so she can have her own transportation. I understand that.
I understand the obsession with job hunting.
I really, really do!
But I miss my kind, considerate husband. The one who helps with laundry and takes out the trash. I miss the man who loves to pamper me with bubble baths and cuddle. I miss his gentile arms and thoughtful attention.
I am trying my very best to be supportive. To be the attentive and understanding wife I should be. It gets frustrating at times and a little overwhelming. This is a huge transition for our entire family. All any of us can do is our very best.
Things will get better when he has a job. I hope.
ps. I even miss his stern looks when I mess up. I miss his firm hands giving me one last warning. Can't say I miss P very much but I do miss my take charge man.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Forgiveness
Sometimes when the same old hurts are brought back up over and over again, years after they happened, it is hard to do.
Forgiveness is first a decision, then a state of mind and finally a condition of the heart. Step one is to realize that people make mistakes. People are only human and sin against God. It is only expected that people will lash out at each other.
It is easy to hate....
It is easy to grow bitter....
It is easy to lash out in anger and in pain...
It is so hard. Just when I think I am getting my feet under me again, someone comes along and knocks them out from under me again. Things I don't even remember the things this person is bringing up. It was so long ago and should have been taken care of years ago.....
What is this?
I will pray for insight and understanding. I will pray that this woman gets back on her meds soon. She is crazy. I will pray for her and with my prayer my decision to forgive will slowly come to be a condition of my heart.
Time to dry my tears and put on my big girl panties. One person holding a grudge against me will not ruin my day. I am not the person she thinks I am.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Girl Scouts and Planned Parenthood
I have stayed out of this debate. And for a very good reason. I haven't support Girl Scouts of America for a long time. It has nothing to do with Planed Parenthood or anything so recent.
When my oldest was in kindergarten she as a Daisy. It was something fun for her to do. Something that her two little sisters couldn't participate in. Big girl time for her. It went great until she graduated to Brownies.
They were short on leaders. I stepped up and volunteered my time for the benefit of the kids. I loved teaching and having fun with the girls. The problem I had was with the leader training. We couldn't say a prayer. It wasn't allowed. Sunday school songs were against the rules too. Some of the leaders didn't follow these rules but they were there. "oh you can't say a prayer but you can say a blessing" Umm.. Isn't that the same thing? For every concern I had, there was a similar response. I went back to the rule book and looked up the official policy. I was right. Just because some leaders don't follow the policy doesn't mean it isn't there.
Long story short. I had enough and said no more. We don't even buy the cookies anymore. They are expensive. I can get much more bang for my buck at the grocery story.
My objections to Planned Parent hood are something else all together. They offer some needed services. To that, I have no objection. When my niece got pregnant at 15, she went there for counseling. I have heard horror stories about PP just like everyone else. Thankfully she had a good experience. The lady she talked to was great and she didn't feel so lost when she left the clinic that day.
I am all for a place for low cost heath care, access to birth control and STD screening. I am all for women's rights. However, I have another question. What about the rights of the father? When it comes to abortion, it is the law that matters. I know that. Women have to right to get an abortion for any reason at all. But what about the fathers rights? That baby is his too. His rights are completely ignored.
Protect the fathers rights and pay more attention to the health of the young woman getting the procedure. When that happens, I will be more supportive of what Planed Parenthood does. More counseling before and after the procedure. Require the consent of the father, except in cases of rape or incest. Take more precautions during the procedure to ensure her continued health. I would also like to know if their literature is checked for factual information by an independent panel of doctors? Is the information in the pamphlets accurate and ethical? Does it conform to the current legal standard?
I don't think that is too much to ask.
I am a christian lady. I do not take birth control pills and would never have an abortion for any reason. When I was 20, my first husband and his father wanted me to get rid of my fist born daughter. I refused. She has grown up to be a beautiful young lady. I don't regret standing up to them. They were so angry when I refused. That is ok. They never had to be a part of her life. I didn't force her on them and have never asked either one of them for anything. Not ever.
Any flaming comments will be deleted. Any people that feel the need to be hateful will be blocked from my blog. This is my stand. And yes, my personal opinion.
When my oldest was in kindergarten she as a Daisy. It was something fun for her to do. Something that her two little sisters couldn't participate in. Big girl time for her. It went great until she graduated to Brownies.
They were short on leaders. I stepped up and volunteered my time for the benefit of the kids. I loved teaching and having fun with the girls. The problem I had was with the leader training. We couldn't say a prayer. It wasn't allowed. Sunday school songs were against the rules too. Some of the leaders didn't follow these rules but they were there. "oh you can't say a prayer but you can say a blessing" Umm.. Isn't that the same thing? For every concern I had, there was a similar response. I went back to the rule book and looked up the official policy. I was right. Just because some leaders don't follow the policy doesn't mean it isn't there.
Long story short. I had enough and said no more. We don't even buy the cookies anymore. They are expensive. I can get much more bang for my buck at the grocery story.
My objections to Planned Parent hood are something else all together. They offer some needed services. To that, I have no objection. When my niece got pregnant at 15, she went there for counseling. I have heard horror stories about PP just like everyone else. Thankfully she had a good experience. The lady she talked to was great and she didn't feel so lost when she left the clinic that day.
I am all for a place for low cost heath care, access to birth control and STD screening. I am all for women's rights. However, I have another question. What about the rights of the father? When it comes to abortion, it is the law that matters. I know that. Women have to right to get an abortion for any reason at all. But what about the fathers rights? That baby is his too. His rights are completely ignored.
Protect the fathers rights and pay more attention to the health of the young woman getting the procedure. When that happens, I will be more supportive of what Planed Parenthood does. More counseling before and after the procedure. Require the consent of the father, except in cases of rape or incest. Take more precautions during the procedure to ensure her continued health. I would also like to know if their literature is checked for factual information by an independent panel of doctors? Is the information in the pamphlets accurate and ethical? Does it conform to the current legal standard?
I don't think that is too much to ask.
I am a christian lady. I do not take birth control pills and would never have an abortion for any reason. When I was 20, my first husband and his father wanted me to get rid of my fist born daughter. I refused. She has grown up to be a beautiful young lady. I don't regret standing up to them. They were so angry when I refused. That is ok. They never had to be a part of her life. I didn't force her on them and have never asked either one of them for anything. Not ever.
Any flaming comments will be deleted. Any people that feel the need to be hateful will be blocked from my blog. This is my stand. And yes, my personal opinion.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Submitting vs obedience
I have been thinking about the difference between these two words for a while now. How are they different? One word is give as a synonym for the other, yet still they remain two separate words. Yes, this is going to be a short post. I am sleepy. Only an asthma attack has me awake right now.
Obedience is mentioned in the Bible in verses about children or slaves. Obedience insinuates action on command. Coerced by consequences and authority. Do your chores or you don't get to watch South Park.... I am not a child or a slave.
So how does this apply to me, in my relationship with my husband?
Submission is mentioned in the Bible also. This time it is a verse about a wife submitting to her husband.
Ok. One talks about a child or slave. The other talks about a husband and his wife.
HUGE DIFFERENCE! ! !
Submission is something given freely. With no thought of consequences. Without a threat hanging over her head, the wife willingly follows the husband.
A wife submits to her husband out of love and respect. A child obeys his parents to avoid the consequences. There is a huge difference here. It has to do with growing up. If you know your husband likes the bed made up every day, you do it out of love. A child does it to avoid the time out corner or a switch.
Poorly written I know.... Blame it on being sleep deprived and an asthma attack that is making me dizzy. I'll come back and proof read this latter. If you have anything to add, I would love to see your comments! ! ! Those two little words are stumbling blocks for so many people. It took me years to figure out what the words meant and even longer to find a way to explain it.
God Bless
Obedience is mentioned in the Bible in verses about children or slaves. Obedience insinuates action on command. Coerced by consequences and authority. Do your chores or you don't get to watch South Park.... I am not a child or a slave.
So how does this apply to me, in my relationship with my husband?
Submission is mentioned in the Bible also. This time it is a verse about a wife submitting to her husband.
Ok. One talks about a child or slave. The other talks about a husband and his wife.
HUGE DIFFERENCE! ! !
Submission is something given freely. With no thought of consequences. Without a threat hanging over her head, the wife willingly follows the husband.
A wife submits to her husband out of love and respect. A child obeys his parents to avoid the consequences. There is a huge difference here. It has to do with growing up. If you know your husband likes the bed made up every day, you do it out of love. A child does it to avoid the time out corner or a switch.
Poorly written I know.... Blame it on being sleep deprived and an asthma attack that is making me dizzy. I'll come back and proof read this latter. If you have anything to add, I would love to see your comments! ! ! Those two little words are stumbling blocks for so many people. It took me years to figure out what the words meant and even longer to find a way to explain it.
God Bless
Thursday, February 16, 2012
What if?
I want to play a game of "What if" today.
What if.... TTWD ended today?
In all honesty, it wouldn't make that big of a difference. If we burned the paddle in the grill outside not much would change at all. You see, Dragon was the Head of His Household before we ever knew what those words were. Even when I thought I was in charge, I wasn't. He always listens to me and there have been a few times I have had to put my foot down but not often. In our 18 year relationship, he has been the leader most of that time. It is hard to lead every day, especially when you are out of town.
His word would still be law. Our marriage would still be based on the Biblical model. The only difference is that he would no long spank me. Since we both like erotic spanking, I doubt it would go away forever. The erotic fun kind would stay but punishment would be a thing of the past.
What if.... TTWD went my way?
Oh boy oh boy. I would be a nervous wreck! ! ! I would have a list of rules that had to be strictly followed and no way could I step out of line even just a little. Life would go back to what I knew as a child with one exception. This time I would know the rules. Punishment would probably happen every day. I wouldn't be submitting to him, wish is a voluntary act. I would be obeying his command. Two separate concepts.
As it stands, I am punished infrequently. When he says back off and I continue to push forward. When the "F" bomb is dropped for any reason. Nasty habit I have almost broken. Most of our rules are more like Guide lines. Nothing really written in stone. There is flexibility for him and for me too.
Is there anything I would like to change? You bet! It is called growth! ! ! As soon as a relationship stops growing, it begins to die. We talk, communicate, learn and grow every day. Big changes in our relationship happen slowly over time. We don't even notice it happens so gradually. That is just as it should be. What would I change today? Can't think of one single big thing. Yes, I would like to loose some weight and have his help in breaking my depression. That will come in time. Dragons time.
What if.... TTWD ended today?
In all honesty, it wouldn't make that big of a difference. If we burned the paddle in the grill outside not much would change at all. You see, Dragon was the Head of His Household before we ever knew what those words were. Even when I thought I was in charge, I wasn't. He always listens to me and there have been a few times I have had to put my foot down but not often. In our 18 year relationship, he has been the leader most of that time. It is hard to lead every day, especially when you are out of town.
His word would still be law. Our marriage would still be based on the Biblical model. The only difference is that he would no long spank me. Since we both like erotic spanking, I doubt it would go away forever. The erotic fun kind would stay but punishment would be a thing of the past.
What if.... TTWD went my way?
Oh boy oh boy. I would be a nervous wreck! ! ! I would have a list of rules that had to be strictly followed and no way could I step out of line even just a little. Life would go back to what I knew as a child with one exception. This time I would know the rules. Punishment would probably happen every day. I wouldn't be submitting to him, wish is a voluntary act. I would be obeying his command. Two separate concepts.
As it stands, I am punished infrequently. When he says back off and I continue to push forward. When the "F" bomb is dropped for any reason. Nasty habit I have almost broken. Most of our rules are more like Guide lines. Nothing really written in stone. There is flexibility for him and for me too.
Is there anything I would like to change? You bet! It is called growth! ! ! As soon as a relationship stops growing, it begins to die. We talk, communicate, learn and grow every day. Big changes in our relationship happen slowly over time. We don't even notice it happens so gradually. That is just as it should be. What would I change today? Can't think of one single big thing. Yes, I would like to loose some weight and have his help in breaking my depression. That will come in time. Dragons time.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Dragons Views on Valentines Day
It is the day of Mandatory Love. Why say it just one day a year?
I enjoy getting a box of chocolates as much as the next person. It always gets shared and passed around. But NEVER on Valentines Day. A dozen red roses? Not from Dragon and not on the day of mandatory love.
Dragon loves me every second of every day of the year. He gives me "I love you" presents all year long. Rose bushes I can plant and enjoy, chocolates and pretty dresses. Symphony tickets and picnics in the mountains. He walks in the door with little presents for me almost every week. When asked why, Dragon says "because I love you."
No, he doesn't completely ignore the day of mandatory love. He understands that it means something to me. However, he doesn't go all out to say "I love you" on this one day of the year. He proposed to me under the stars, February 14, 1994. It was his way to make the day special to both of us.
Why does valentines day come on a short paycheck month anyway? The heating bill is the highest it gets and the paycheck it at its lowest. With three birthdays in one month, extra expenses and a smaller than normal paycheck, I'm ok with a simple "I love you" on this day.
Tonight, under the stars, he will again say those words to me. That is what makes this day special. But then, that is what makes all the other days of the year special too.
Ps. With my baby brother getting married soon, my Dragon has been talking to him almost every day. Mentoring him and helping him to understand his role in marriage. BB does not understand his role as leader of his new family. Sooo. Dragon is working on an email to him about leadership in the family. He will post it to his blog when he is done.
Yippee! ! ! A Dragon post! ! !
I enjoy getting a box of chocolates as much as the next person. It always gets shared and passed around. But NEVER on Valentines Day. A dozen red roses? Not from Dragon and not on the day of mandatory love.
Dragon loves me every second of every day of the year. He gives me "I love you" presents all year long. Rose bushes I can plant and enjoy, chocolates and pretty dresses. Symphony tickets and picnics in the mountains. He walks in the door with little presents for me almost every week. When asked why, Dragon says "because I love you."
No, he doesn't completely ignore the day of mandatory love. He understands that it means something to me. However, he doesn't go all out to say "I love you" on this one day of the year. He proposed to me under the stars, February 14, 1994. It was his way to make the day special to both of us.
Why does valentines day come on a short paycheck month anyway? The heating bill is the highest it gets and the paycheck it at its lowest. With three birthdays in one month, extra expenses and a smaller than normal paycheck, I'm ok with a simple "I love you" on this day.
Tonight, under the stars, he will again say those words to me. That is what makes this day special. But then, that is what makes all the other days of the year special too.
Ps. With my baby brother getting married soon, my Dragon has been talking to him almost every day. Mentoring him and helping him to understand his role in marriage. BB does not understand his role as leader of his new family. Sooo. Dragon is working on an email to him about leadership in the family. He will post it to his blog when he is done.
Yippee! ! ! A Dragon post! ! !
Monday, February 13, 2012
Spanking and Romance
This post was inspired by Bonnies question and Valentines day! ! !
Is spanking romantic? Yes and No...
Erotic spanking or flogging is always romantic. The flogger tails feel like leather rain across my back, falling over and over again. It is a deep tissue massage that feels like heaven. We don't always end up having sex but the love making is HOT. He doesn't often use spanking erotically anymore. I have a hard time separating a punishment spanking from erotic now, so paddling s rare. If he uses his hand at all, it is only a few quick swots to make me feel the sting. And yes, that is very erotic, domineering and romantic all at the same time.
Maintenance or as we call it stress relief usually ends in us making love. The sessions can almost be erotic. They can be harsher than a punishment or more gentile than an erotic spanking. Lots of touching, caressing and words of love. My man being strong and in control is very sexy and romantic. And I think the sting of paddle is too. If we don't end the session with love making, we both end up frustrated and miserable.
For punishment, we are both nervous. I am afraid and hesitant. He gets to the point. No long drawn out lecture. He says what he needs to say to make sure we both know why we are there. Reassurance of his love and my safety come next. Then my bottom is bared, he places me in position and the spanking begins. It is never very harsh. No warm up. Strait to business and over quickly.
I have to admit that that I don't find it very romantic at all. I feel many things but romance isn't one of them when I am being punished. Sometimes, I end up in his arms as soon as the deed is done. Other times I need a little space to get my head around what just happened. He gives me what I need. If I am still angry, round two begins. There is always a recovery period for both of us.
Now the reconnection phase of a punishment is something else all together. After I have had a chance to calm down I end up in his arms, feeling very submissive. For some unknown reason, he finds this very sexy. I feel safe in his arms, protected and completely his. This is where the romance begins. Sex? Maybe but maybe not. We make love and make up in each others arms. We do what comes natural. Making love is not always about having sex. It is about being together and loving each other. And yes, this part of punishment is very romantic.
So you see the yes and no about romance? Spanking ends in romance but doesn't always start that way. TTWD brings us closer, forces us to communicate and makes our time together more pleasant. Fights no longer come between us. Hurt feelings lasts for hours, not for days. There is more room in our relationship for things like romance.
We didn't have a bad marriage before TTWD but it is so much better with it. I wouldn't want to go back to the way it was. As long as erotic spankings happen more often than punishments, we are one the right track.
Ps, maybe next time I have tiger strips, I'll get Dragon to snap a photo of my back for your enjoyment. Love my tiger stripes.
Is spanking romantic? Yes and No...
Erotic spanking or flogging is always romantic. The flogger tails feel like leather rain across my back, falling over and over again. It is a deep tissue massage that feels like heaven. We don't always end up having sex but the love making is HOT. He doesn't often use spanking erotically anymore. I have a hard time separating a punishment spanking from erotic now, so paddling s rare. If he uses his hand at all, it is only a few quick swots to make me feel the sting. And yes, that is very erotic, domineering and romantic all at the same time.
Maintenance or as we call it stress relief usually ends in us making love. The sessions can almost be erotic. They can be harsher than a punishment or more gentile than an erotic spanking. Lots of touching, caressing and words of love. My man being strong and in control is very sexy and romantic. And I think the sting of paddle is too. If we don't end the session with love making, we both end up frustrated and miserable.
For punishment, we are both nervous. I am afraid and hesitant. He gets to the point. No long drawn out lecture. He says what he needs to say to make sure we both know why we are there. Reassurance of his love and my safety come next. Then my bottom is bared, he places me in position and the spanking begins. It is never very harsh. No warm up. Strait to business and over quickly.
I have to admit that that I don't find it very romantic at all. I feel many things but romance isn't one of them when I am being punished. Sometimes, I end up in his arms as soon as the deed is done. Other times I need a little space to get my head around what just happened. He gives me what I need. If I am still angry, round two begins. There is always a recovery period for both of us.
Now the reconnection phase of a punishment is something else all together. After I have had a chance to calm down I end up in his arms, feeling very submissive. For some unknown reason, he finds this very sexy. I feel safe in his arms, protected and completely his. This is where the romance begins. Sex? Maybe but maybe not. We make love and make up in each others arms. We do what comes natural. Making love is not always about having sex. It is about being together and loving each other. And yes, this part of punishment is very romantic.
So you see the yes and no about romance? Spanking ends in romance but doesn't always start that way. TTWD brings us closer, forces us to communicate and makes our time together more pleasant. Fights no longer come between us. Hurt feelings lasts for hours, not for days. There is more room in our relationship for things like romance.
We didn't have a bad marriage before TTWD but it is so much better with it. I wouldn't want to go back to the way it was. As long as erotic spankings happen more often than punishments, we are one the right track.
Ps, maybe next time I have tiger strips, I'll get Dragon to snap a photo of my back for your enjoyment. Love my tiger stripes.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Is TTWD Sexy?
I ran across a post in Lea's Corner where she explores this subject.
Wheather or not you call what you do BDSM, D/s, M/s or DD is up to you. That is more of the label game that I have decided not to play. When I try to explain the differences as I see them, people usually get mad.
What? You ask a question then get mad when you don't like the answer? I really don't care what you call your self or what label you stick on your lifestyle. But this is not a rant. Not today. It is too pretty of a day to waist time on such boring subjects.
The question at the top of my post is what is on my mind today.
Corner time. It isn't something we use or have tried. I leave that kind of thing up to him. It seems like it would be humiliating to be stuck face to the wall with a bare, red bottom. And only for the enjoyment of the observer. Her cherry red behind on display for his enjoyment... Yep.
Punishment isn't about humiliation? Really? How in the world can it be avoided? I have NO ideas on this one. To know that I have done something wrong, bad enough that Dragon feels the need to strip me of my dignity and put me across his knee? That is very humiliating. And for those husbands who use corner time in addition to spanking, yes, that adds to H factor.
The purpose of punishment isn't to be sexy or to humiliate. However, I can't see how they can be separated. Since we have officially been a TTWD couple, we are closer. We talk more, make love more and yes, the sex is better. I surrender all I have to him. I freely submit to him and gives me back more that I could ever ask for.
My only wish? To go back in time 18 year and discover the world of TTDW when we were newly weds. Wouldn't life have been interesting and a lot less complicated? Hmmm mabye.
Wheather or not you call what you do BDSM, D/s, M/s or DD is up to you. That is more of the label game that I have decided not to play. When I try to explain the differences as I see them, people usually get mad.
What? You ask a question then get mad when you don't like the answer? I really don't care what you call your self or what label you stick on your lifestyle. But this is not a rant. Not today. It is too pretty of a day to waist time on such boring subjects.
The question at the top of my post is what is on my mind today.
- Is a strong, in control man sexy? Absolutely. I don't want a wishy-washy man who never seems to know his mind. Nor do I want a man who lets me boss him around. I like a man who knows what he wants but is also considerate, giving and kind.
- Should a man find his wife's body sexy? I should hope so. I know Dragon says that I am sexy.
- Is it wrong for a man to find punishment sexy? I don't think so. Here he is in the most powerful position over me that I can imagine. Me naked across his lap, in full submission. Is there anything NOT sexy about that? Personally, I would be hurt if he didn't get a little aroused in that situation.
Corner time. It isn't something we use or have tried. I leave that kind of thing up to him. It seems like it would be humiliating to be stuck face to the wall with a bare, red bottom. And only for the enjoyment of the observer. Her cherry red behind on display for his enjoyment... Yep.
Punishment isn't about humiliation? Really? How in the world can it be avoided? I have NO ideas on this one. To know that I have done something wrong, bad enough that Dragon feels the need to strip me of my dignity and put me across his knee? That is very humiliating. And for those husbands who use corner time in addition to spanking, yes, that adds to H factor.
The purpose of punishment isn't to be sexy or to humiliate. However, I can't see how they can be separated. Since we have officially been a TTWD couple, we are closer. We talk more, make love more and yes, the sex is better. I surrender all I have to him. I freely submit to him and gives me back more that I could ever ask for.
My only wish? To go back in time 18 year and discover the world of TTDW when we were newly weds. Wouldn't life have been interesting and a lot less complicated? Hmmm mabye.
Rules
We started out with the 4 Ds. Simple and it is still that simple. But how can four little words be so complicated? EVERYTHING falls under the 4 Ds, doesn't it?
Disobedience... Big one. Small things like make the bed everyday, dress nice, wear my hair down, don't run away when we have fight, eat. WOW. So many little things but it all comes back to the word obey.
Disrespect... Oh I am good at this one. Slamming the door when I am mad. Walking out on a fight so I can have the last word... Yep.
Dishonesty... Not a huge one here. I hate being lied to and don't make it a habit to lie. Although I am very good at making it sound like I am busy when I have been in a depressed funk all day. Not sure when Dragon is going to call me out on this one.
Dangerous... The seat belt is the biggest "dangerous" rule we have. I need the threat of the paddle to remember it every time I get in the car. Eating also falls under this heading. It is dangerous not to eat. I get dizzy when I don't eat and that is dangerous.
Distance... A fifth D some couples add has not been an issue with us. After a punishment he lets me come to him. Sometimes I want to be in his arms for a long cuddle. More often, I want to retire to my corner to understand the emotions swirling around in my head. Either one is ok with him. Now pouting is not ok at all. If I stay mad about anything longer than absolutely necessary another more serious punishment is going to happen.
When we were first figuring things out, we made it up as we went along. He never spanked me for the first offence. He saw a need for a new rule, we talked about it and then he enforced it. We both made sure that every rule was fair to both of us. He doesn't have the wish or the time to micromanage my day. I wouldn't want him to.
Yes, we are still adding to the Ds. As we grow and our lives change, new challenges present themselves to us. Nothing is written in stone.
parting thoughts- Every fight, every rule broken does not lead to a punishment. Sometimes I get a stern look from Dragon, other times I get a firm talking to. The paddle is reserved for only the worst and most often repeated offences. He tries to be fair and I think he succeeds.
Disobedience... Big one. Small things like make the bed everyday, dress nice, wear my hair down, don't run away when we have fight, eat. WOW. So many little things but it all comes back to the word obey.
Disrespect... Oh I am good at this one. Slamming the door when I am mad. Walking out on a fight so I can have the last word... Yep.
Dishonesty... Not a huge one here. I hate being lied to and don't make it a habit to lie. Although I am very good at making it sound like I am busy when I have been in a depressed funk all day. Not sure when Dragon is going to call me out on this one.
Dangerous... The seat belt is the biggest "dangerous" rule we have. I need the threat of the paddle to remember it every time I get in the car. Eating also falls under this heading. It is dangerous not to eat. I get dizzy when I don't eat and that is dangerous.
Distance... A fifth D some couples add has not been an issue with us. After a punishment he lets me come to him. Sometimes I want to be in his arms for a long cuddle. More often, I want to retire to my corner to understand the emotions swirling around in my head. Either one is ok with him. Now pouting is not ok at all. If I stay mad about anything longer than absolutely necessary another more serious punishment is going to happen.
When we were first figuring things out, we made it up as we went along. He never spanked me for the first offence. He saw a need for a new rule, we talked about it and then he enforced it. We both made sure that every rule was fair to both of us. He doesn't have the wish or the time to micromanage my day. I wouldn't want him to.
Yes, we are still adding to the Ds. As we grow and our lives change, new challenges present themselves to us. Nothing is written in stone.
parting thoughts- Every fight, every rule broken does not lead to a punishment. Sometimes I get a stern look from Dragon, other times I get a firm talking to. The paddle is reserved for only the worst and most often repeated offences. He tries to be fair and I think he succeeds.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Anticipation
Is anticipation the worst part? Knowing that you have earned a punishment and having to wait for it? I don't even know for sure if Dragon is going to spank me. He hasn't said anything.
GRRRRRR
I didn't think you even cared. If you did, you should have said something when you forgot to put on your seat belt.
Double Grrrrr
I did say say something. That dang dinger in the car gave me away. We were in the worst possible place for me to forget it. Double trouble for Dragon. AND he knows to remind me, yes? You would think by now he knows of something is a little off in the car, I need a reminder. He was on the cell phone when I picked him up for work. I parked and moved over to the passenger seat. He isn't usually on the cell when I see him. He greets me FIRST, then checks his cell messages. Not today and that threw me off. Majorly.
This is bad, isn't it?
Yes it is.
That was it. That is all he said and I let it drop. Now I have no idea what is coming.
Waiting sucks.
GRRRRRR
I didn't think you even cared. If you did, you should have said something when you forgot to put on your seat belt.
Double Grrrrr
I did say say something. That dang dinger in the car gave me away. We were in the worst possible place for me to forget it. Double trouble for Dragon. AND he knows to remind me, yes? You would think by now he knows of something is a little off in the car, I need a reminder. He was on the cell phone when I picked him up for work. I parked and moved over to the passenger seat. He isn't usually on the cell when I see him. He greets me FIRST, then checks his cell messages. Not today and that threw me off. Majorly.
This is bad, isn't it?
Yes it is.
That was it. That is all he said and I let it drop. Now I have no idea what is coming.
Waiting sucks.
Monday, February 6, 2012
RED
I called RED and didn't even know it.
Still shaking.
Still rattled.
Yep. Even after 18 years together, I can still get scared.
Face down on the bed in only my panties. A pillow lifting my shoulder slightly. Dragon standing over me holding the whips in his hands. It was as gentile as our scenes get. The softest flogger used gently across my back. Petting more than anything else. Even snake was used so softly it didn't leave even the faintest sting. Soft, soothing, gentile.....
So how in the world did anything push me over the edge? How did i go from purring to absolute terror in seconds?
The gentile scene continued. I rolled over to my back and my chest was ever so softly flogged. Relaxed and purring under his hands. Flogger, hand, flogger hand. His hand was always there to sooth away even the slightest sting. Across my ribs the flogger caressed my skin. Over and over again.
Nothing shocking right? Nothing to be afraid of. It isn't like knife play or fire and ice. There was no aspect of terror involved. No words of "trust me" that send my heart into my throat. Gentile, slow....
I felt the tails caress my cheek. First one side of my face and then the other. My eyes flew open in surprise. Dragon reassured me that it wouldn't get any harder than a soft touch. Again he pulled the flogger across one side of my face and then the other, circling the tails across my forehead and neck. Again and again he repeated the motion.
My self control was slipping but I couldn't respond. Terror began to build. Not slowly. Suddenly my mind went for trusting wife, to absolute blind terror. Beyond words and coherent thought.
My eyes called RED! ! !
Dragon didn't ask "color" He knew. The flogger were dropped instantly and he held me at arms length. He knew, somehow that in that moment, his arms were the source of my terror. I was afraid of him.
What?
Who?
Why?
Before I could even understand what I was feeling, he stopped everything and tried to comfort me.
The flogger didn't hurt. He was petting me with them. Caressing my face. What was there to be afraid of?
Never moving fast, doing nothing that could trigger my panic again, we talked. The leather on my face triggered the fear. Fear is all consuming. Rational thought is gone and only terror remains. Yes, I am very familiar with this feeling. I HATE! ! ! HATE BEING AFRAID! ! ! !
He promised never to do it again. Not ever. But you know? I really do hate being afraid. The only way to conquer a fear is to face it. And that is just what he is going to help me do.
It isn't the first time I have been afraid. It isn't the first fear he helped me face. The fear of being alone with him. The fear of heights. I learned how to rappel off of a 60 foot railroad trellis! The fear of being helpless. I submit to ropes and dd. I gave up control. I faced my fears!
I WILL FACE THIS ONE TOO! ! ! !
In his efforts to comfort me, he held my face in his powerful hands.
Fear....Face....Terror....
Yep. I panicked again!
We are going to work on that. And here is how.
Dragon's plan!
My face will be touched every day! Caressed, held, kissed. My face will be close to his. Cheek to cheek, nose to nose. When I can be touched without fear, we will start using the floggers. Always gentile caresses. No pain. No fear. I will learn not to fear this.
Sometimes I wonder if I am damaged beyond repair. If it is even worth the effort for Dragon to try. He seems to think it is.
Love my man.
Still shaking.
Still rattled.
Yep. Even after 18 years together, I can still get scared.
Face down on the bed in only my panties. A pillow lifting my shoulder slightly. Dragon standing over me holding the whips in his hands. It was as gentile as our scenes get. The softest flogger used gently across my back. Petting more than anything else. Even snake was used so softly it didn't leave even the faintest sting. Soft, soothing, gentile.....
So how in the world did anything push me over the edge? How did i go from purring to absolute terror in seconds?
The gentile scene continued. I rolled over to my back and my chest was ever so softly flogged. Relaxed and purring under his hands. Flogger, hand, flogger hand. His hand was always there to sooth away even the slightest sting. Across my ribs the flogger caressed my skin. Over and over again.
Nothing shocking right? Nothing to be afraid of. It isn't like knife play or fire and ice. There was no aspect of terror involved. No words of "trust me" that send my heart into my throat. Gentile, slow....
I felt the tails caress my cheek. First one side of my face and then the other. My eyes flew open in surprise. Dragon reassured me that it wouldn't get any harder than a soft touch. Again he pulled the flogger across one side of my face and then the other, circling the tails across my forehead and neck. Again and again he repeated the motion.
My self control was slipping but I couldn't respond. Terror began to build. Not slowly. Suddenly my mind went for trusting wife, to absolute blind terror. Beyond words and coherent thought.
My eyes called RED! ! !
Dragon didn't ask "color" He knew. The flogger were dropped instantly and he held me at arms length. He knew, somehow that in that moment, his arms were the source of my terror. I was afraid of him.
What?
Who?
Why?
Before I could even understand what I was feeling, he stopped everything and tried to comfort me.
The flogger didn't hurt. He was petting me with them. Caressing my face. What was there to be afraid of?
Never moving fast, doing nothing that could trigger my panic again, we talked. The leather on my face triggered the fear. Fear is all consuming. Rational thought is gone and only terror remains. Yes, I am very familiar with this feeling. I HATE! ! ! HATE BEING AFRAID! ! ! !
He promised never to do it again. Not ever. But you know? I really do hate being afraid. The only way to conquer a fear is to face it. And that is just what he is going to help me do.
It isn't the first time I have been afraid. It isn't the first fear he helped me face. The fear of being alone with him. The fear of heights. I learned how to rappel off of a 60 foot railroad trellis! The fear of being helpless. I submit to ropes and dd. I gave up control. I faced my fears!
I WILL FACE THIS ONE TOO! ! ! !
In his efforts to comfort me, he held my face in his powerful hands.
Fear....Face....Terror....
Yep. I panicked again!
We are going to work on that. And here is how.
Dragon's plan!
My face will be touched every day! Caressed, held, kissed. My face will be close to his. Cheek to cheek, nose to nose. When I can be touched without fear, we will start using the floggers. Always gentile caresses. No pain. No fear. I will learn not to fear this.
Sometimes I wonder if I am damaged beyond repair. If it is even worth the effort for Dragon to try. He seems to think it is.
Love my man.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
lullaby of a spanko
See? Now that i have spanking to write about, I am writing!
I couldn't sleep last night not at all. Ok. I haven't been able to get a good nights sleep for a while. Stress is piling on. Dragons change of career, a possible move, winter time home school. Now I am designing my brothers wedding. I think we are up to 15 outfits now. You see, it is to be a themed wedding. Not something you can go down to the local bridal shop and buy for. They don't want it to look cheep and cheesy. Going for an authentic historical feel to the whole thing. The want to step into the pages of a story book.
A little bit of pressure here? Maybe? I am very good at sewing for small children! I can make a child's dress that will make you say WOW. But fitting an adult is a little harder. I will be working with silk, leather, linen, wool, velvet and upholstery fabrics. Making his girls dreams come true. At no small expense! If I were getting paid for this, I could easily have a profit margin over $10,000. Aren't I a loving sister?
A little stress there? You think?
Yep, it is stressful being a dream maker.
In the middle of the night, in dream land, I keep having ideas. A question will pop into my head and I have to have the answer right then. I head over to folkwear patterns or pattern review, do an internet search for a doublet or bracers. Research fabrics or the thickness of that leather hide. Will my machine sew that? What will that look like? Is that authentic? How should I dress the men? What about shoes?
You see where this is going?
Dragon didn't spank me Friday night. We had a good belly laugh instead that sent me off to dream land. Last night we were both over tired and ready to go to sleep. A good nights sleep.... right? Wrong! I kept going back to my computer to see how this would work or that would fit. What about the neckline? The sleeve? Oh that will be too tight. Have to alter that. Oh good that will work.
Dragon woke up at 1 am to see me on the computer closely examining a photo of the sleeve. He calmly got out of bed, walked around to my side and picked up 3 of his favorite paddles.
Him: "My love, put down your computer. It is the middle of the night. You should be sleeping."
Me: But I won't sleep if you paddle me
Him: Yes you will. You aren't sleeping now. I'll put you to sleep. Roll over.
He pulled my panties down exposing my bottom. His hand brushed across my skin. Then he began to pound his favorite drum. My backside. The tempo was fast, the swats were light and stingy. The swats came slower and harder. My body began to relax and the worries left my mind.
Strange how that works. My bottom really is the reset button. When he crawled back into bed beside me, I curled up in his arms and was sound asleep in seconds.
I am on my fourth cup of coffee. I have been sipping coffee for about 3 hours now. Feeling better. Time for bible study and then off to do the inventory for my little sewing business. I have got to get my taxes filed and soon! Hoping to get a refund this year....
Friday, February 3, 2012
Spanked to Tears?
Ummmm......
Not exactly......
It is getting close to bedtime for the kiddos. Ok past bed time and I was about to ask Dragon to spank me to tears. I am over stressed, over whelmed and just need to cry. You know how it is. The tears will not fall. That is until Dragon got on facebook......
A deranged and demented friend posted a link. When my sleepy husband started laughing uncontrollable I had to see what was up. Laying in bed, both of us with our lap tops open, red faced, tears and cackling like chickens.
Yep. Got the tears flowing all right and I do feel so much more relaxed. I laughed until it hurt and giggled some more. Not what I had planned but I think better! ! !
Do you want the link?
Are you sure?
Ok. Here it is! Have fun!
http://damnyouautocorrect.com/
Best when shared with your partner. Go past the first page for the best ones! The challenge? Read them out loud with a strait face.
Ps, If you don't have a dirty mind, don't bother.
Not exactly......
It is getting close to bedtime for the kiddos. Ok past bed time and I was about to ask Dragon to spank me to tears. I am over stressed, over whelmed and just need to cry. You know how it is. The tears will not fall. That is until Dragon got on facebook......
A deranged and demented friend posted a link. When my sleepy husband started laughing uncontrollable I had to see what was up. Laying in bed, both of us with our lap tops open, red faced, tears and cackling like chickens.
Yep. Got the tears flowing all right and I do feel so much more relaxed. I laughed until it hurt and giggled some more. Not what I had planned but I think better! ! !
Do you want the link?
Are you sure?
Ok. Here it is! Have fun!
http://damnyouautocorrect.com/
Best when shared with your partner. Go past the first page for the best ones! The challenge? Read them out loud with a strait face.
Ps, If you don't have a dirty mind, don't bother.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Life
We got a few things worked out. My bottom got warmed. Not as much as either one of us would have liked but it happened. First he turned my back a nice shade of pink with the floggers, the he moved on to the bath brush and paddles for the lower red cheeks. Have I mentioned that I HATE the bath brush? I discovered that I can tell wish flogger is about to hit my skin by the sound of the tails moments before impact.
All of it was not enjoyable for me but then, it isn't supposed to be. I had to call blue before we got very far into it. Blue is my safe word for medical. AKA asthma. He never knew how bad that one got. He fell asleep before the worst of it hit. To his credit, he saw me take meds and thought it was getting better. I can't remember every having an asthma attack that bad. probably have but lack of O2 has a way of making me forget things.
On to other, vanilla topics. Pooh bear no longer feels like the neglected child. She now knows what we spend on her lessons every month. Just for 1 day a week it is about $200. We didn't calculate in the other 2 days of travel and expenses. She learned that bratting to get attention is not a good idea! Bug's reading skills are taking off. He is doing so much better. I thought it was a readiness issue. Looks like I was right! patting self on the back I got something right. No more fighting over times tables either. He has got them down and good! Amber is making college plans and doubling up to finish high school. Flower is still having a hard time. She does change almost as good as mom does.
Every year about this time, I threaten to put all the kids in public school. Dragon said I was a few days early. This usually happens the first week in February, not the last week in January! I have to keep my man on his toes somehow. Yes? This is the time of year where school work seems to drag on with no end in sight and progress slows to sloth speed. One step forward, two steps back. I
I need days like today. One where things get done and I didn't have to be a big meany. One where problems get resolved not screamed at. All is not right in the world yet. Too much is still uncertain. Dragon has dozens of applications filled out and has his resume posted far and wide. He is applying every where, with the faith that God will put us right where we need to be. No idea where that might be.
It is late. Time to snuggle down into Dragons arms. The warmest spot in the house. Good night.
All of it was not enjoyable for me but then, it isn't supposed to be. I had to call blue before we got very far into it. Blue is my safe word for medical. AKA asthma. He never knew how bad that one got. He fell asleep before the worst of it hit. To his credit, he saw me take meds and thought it was getting better. I can't remember every having an asthma attack that bad. probably have but lack of O2 has a way of making me forget things.
On to other, vanilla topics. Pooh bear no longer feels like the neglected child. She now knows what we spend on her lessons every month. Just for 1 day a week it is about $200. We didn't calculate in the other 2 days of travel and expenses. She learned that bratting to get attention is not a good idea! Bug's reading skills are taking off. He is doing so much better. I thought it was a readiness issue. Looks like I was right! patting self on the back I got something right. No more fighting over times tables either. He has got them down and good! Amber is making college plans and doubling up to finish high school. Flower is still having a hard time. She does change almost as good as mom does.
Every year about this time, I threaten to put all the kids in public school. Dragon said I was a few days early. This usually happens the first week in February, not the last week in January! I have to keep my man on his toes somehow. Yes? This is the time of year where school work seems to drag on with no end in sight and progress slows to sloth speed. One step forward, two steps back. I
I need days like today. One where things get done and I didn't have to be a big meany. One where problems get resolved not screamed at. All is not right in the world yet. Too much is still uncertain. Dragon has dozens of applications filled out and has his resume posted far and wide. He is applying every where, with the faith that God will put us right where we need to be. No idea where that might be.
It is late. Time to snuggle down into Dragons arms. The warmest spot in the house. Good night.